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Passions in Poetry

#2

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Elliott
Junior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC


0 posted 04-07-2000 02:21 PM       View Profile for Elliott   Email Elliott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elliott

Troubled clouds huddle in a crowded sky
A sparrow utters sparse reply
To the falling leaves, which gather as they rest
On the grass.

Things pass, like water floating in the stream.
Like forgotten faces, which once did seem
To be all alone, but now travel in between
Unsightly eyes.

It wonít be long before the sun has set,
Before the bearded bards have met
For the last time, and I havenít found just yet
Reasons why.

So for now Iíll try to understand
The turning of the hand
Of the clock, sitting beside your door.
Remembering the last
time we met,
You had a certain air- a fallen angel
With accumulated debt.

Donít expect me to recognize your face
If you decide to come walking up to my door
I once knew you, long before
I met myself.
Now things have changed,
My slave is not yours anymore;
Now youíre more likely to find me
Sleeping upon the floor.

How do you think you can help
When you donít even know yourself?
Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe.
Beware, for itís going away,
And now I must be on my way,
For there are more urgent things to say-
To people more willing to listen.

c. 2000 DEM

© Copyright 2000 Elliott - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 04-07-2000 02:30 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very beautifully written, Elliott!

Denise
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


2 posted 04-07-2000 02:39 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

This one packs quite a punch...the last stanza doing a particularly wonderful job of bringing it all 'home'.

"Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe"  Interesting line, loved it!

Glad you decided to start posting, keep it up!  

 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 04-08-2000 08:51 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Remembering the last
time we met,
You had a certain air- a fallen angel
With accumulated debt.

Donít expect me to recognize your face
If you decide to come walking up to my door
I once knew you, long before
I met myself.
Now things have changed,
My slave is not yours anymore;
Now youíre more likely to find me
Sleeping upon the floor.

How do you think you can help
When you donít even know yourself?
Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe.
Beware, for itís going away,
And now I must be on my way,
For there are more urgent things to say-
To people more willing to listen.

---------------------

told ya, Id look for more(smile)
this is very good too...I like the way your write...you go deep with your thoughts and emotions...but there is also this low key and quiet tone in your words...you say a lot of emotion with out giving it away, does that make sense? LOL
well written...like your style.
take care, jm

 The stars shine so bright, now's the time
I close my eyes - soft wind touch my face,
Cool sand upon the place where I once kissed you
And held you close.
Now I will reach for the stars...
Because Oh my love, that's where you are...
Though the storms of black night rage on
I still see your face
I still feel your lips on mine
And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea...
vertical horizon

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


4 posted 04-08-2000 09:05 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Elliott~

I really like the thought behind
this line -

'a fallen angel
With accumulated debt'

This poem needs a title ...
may I suggest 'Fallen Angel' ?

Enjoyed the read.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Songbird
Member Elite
since 12-15-1999
Posts 2211
California


5 posted 04-08-2000 01:30 PM       View Profile for Songbird   Email Songbird   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Songbird's Home Page   View IP for Songbird

Well written lines, I really enjoyed this read.
Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


6 posted 04-08-2000 01:32 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

Enjoyed the poem.  Nicely done.
Destiny
Junior Member
since 03-25-2000
Posts 47


7 posted 04-08-2000 02:02 PM       View Profile for Destiny   Email Destiny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Destiny

I once knew you, long before
I met myself.

i love that... this is a wonderful piece.

Destiny  
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


8 posted 04-08-2000 02:42 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Elliott, very creative, this pen of yours. I extend my hand in welcome, and will be looking toward reading more of your work. Lovely poem...I enjoy the elemental aire.

~ Claire
 
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