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Passions in Poetry

rhymes and misdemeanor crimes- my first attempt at net immortality =)

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Elliott
Junior Member
since 04-06-2000
[First Post] 35
Chapel Hill, NC


0 posted 04-06-2000 09:54 PM       View Profile for Elliott   Email Elliott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elliott

hi folks. i've been lurking, reading some of the stuff that's been posted, and enjoyed many. broke the silence and thought i might contribute a meager attempt.

----------------------
1.


It moved me not to see that aging
sun hovering above our stage (the earth)
at that late hour; for at such seemly times
it chooses the things upon which it shines
its spotlight.

And it was nothing new
for those loose willow branches
to frame your face with ticklish leaves
as the playful breeze tangled your hair;

Standing there, I knew we were
possessed by childhood,
and I could feel the staff
of our Lazarus; your lips smiled
at what had become of us.

My darling, this I will say if you’ll stand still to listen:
if only I knew what not to fear
I would be there instead of here, for
this afternoon I read your words
just as they fell, crumpled and folded
into my trembling hands:
I long to tell you she knows that I love you,
all faces and spaces remain the same…
But the sun barely shines without you,
it will be hard to wait in the rain.

And with that I fall back on your cloud:
the sweet rhythms of your Spanish tongue
had always threatened to corrupt the young.

I feel it:
around my ears- the singing clowns and the lively town;
about my eyes- the swirling clouds and your virgin shroud;
how could this be?
Was it a fleeting glimpse of eternity?
Those subtle rhythms of the Spanish tongue
still threaten to corrupt the souls of the young.


© Copyright 2000 Elliott - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


1 posted 04-06-2000 10:00 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Welcome to Passions, Elliot! You have some painful words here...I liked these lines:

But the sun barely shines without you,
it will be hard to wait in the rain.

Very nice!

Elizabeth



 "He have his goodness now. God forbid I take it from him!"
-The Crucible

wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


2 posted 04-06-2000 10:02 PM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

welcome to the flock elliot!!!! nice poem

 All Day I Dream About Stanzas!!
Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


3 posted 04-06-2000 11:53 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Welcome to Passions, Elliott.. This is a pretty good entree... I look forward to reading more of your work.. Check your email for a special greeting..
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 04-07-2000 12:53 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Hello welcome to passions...looking forward to reading some more of your work  
SorrowsMystress
Member
since 04-01-2000
Posts 179
I'm a wanderer, a nomad...I do


5 posted 04-07-2000 01:16 AM       View Profile for SorrowsMystress   Email SorrowsMystress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SorrowsMystress

This is a wonderful first impression! I loved the way you used your words. Welcome to passions! Looking forward to reading more from you

 "It was my love that did us both to death. " -Sylvia Plath
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


6 posted 04-07-2000 04:10 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Elliot~
A delicious morsel before us placed.
Welcome to Passion's
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


7 posted 04-07-2000 02:27 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Welcome to Passions, Elliott! This is great writing!

Denise
Nicole
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since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


8 posted 04-07-2000 02:34 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

I must say, I'm quite taken by this poem!  Such imagery you've used, this is wonderful.  Welcome to Passions, and I look forward to reading more from you.

 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


9 posted 04-07-2000 02:36 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Elliot, this is a wonderful poem!  Welcome to Passions.
Elliott
Junior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC


10 posted 04-07-2000 04:50 PM       View Profile for Elliott   Email Elliott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elliott

thanks, guys! i enjoy the compliments, but please don't refrain from telling me if some aspect of my poetry sucks. i'm always trying to improve, and i need new ideas to do that. this was actually the first poem i've ever written...wrote it back in august.
Aimster
Member Elite
since 02-19-2000
Posts 4367
Charlotte, NC


11 posted 04-07-2000 06:05 PM       View Profile for Aimster   Email Aimster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aimster

~Elliott

I don't think your poetry sucks lol! In fact I think it's damn good to be quite blunt...The imagery you used is amazing...and the words paint a picture for us to see! Thanks so much for sharing and I will be looking for more from you.

Take care and Welcome to Passions! This is the coolest forum one can come to!!

AMY  

 ~Live today as though it were your last but prepare for tomorrow as though it were here~
Elliott
Junior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 35
Chapel Hill, NC


12 posted 04-27-2000 12:23 AM       View Profile for Elliott   Email Elliott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elliott

i'm gonna push this one back to the top, to say that it's been published in the campus literary journal here at school...

 
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