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Open Poetry #6
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without your flame
| Open Poetry #6 |
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without your flame |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Oh proud straight stick of wax. Burn for me. Let me light you at the top, Watch you melt teasingly and despairingly into a slow puddle of yourself. I want to cough on your smoke and press your hot wax into the pads of my fingers -- So heat is transferred. So I tear. I want to stick you on a cake and celebrate The passing of another year. Another fallen leaf with a stem like your wick. When I'm sick, I want your light to color my face and hands. Maybe someday, you'll color the face and hands of two Glowing in the reach of your brushpaint flame. And when the time comes, When you burn out, I promise to hold you under cold running water -- head to foot -- And listen to your sharp last hiss With the same fervored reverence as a shared lost kiss. Holding your gleaming wet pieces, colored remains, I'll smile and nod at what we both once were; Then underhand you into the trash And pour a drink to watch the night coming in. The house will remain dark tonight. For you, I will reflect without a flame. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
You've moved me yet again with this one Mike... Some great lines here, my favorite being... "Glowing in the reach of your brushpaint flame." Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Mike..I love the feel and the flow with this one...very nicely written  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I want to cough on your smoke and press your hot wax into the pads of my fingers -- So heat is transferred. So I tear. -------------- When I'm sick, I want your light to color my face and hands. Maybe someday, you'll color the face and hands of two Glowing in the reach of your brushpaint flame. And when the time comes, When you burn out, I promise to hold you under cold running water -- head to foot -- And listen to your sharp last hiss With the same fervored reverence as a shared lost kiss. -------------- I'll smile and nod at what we both once were; Then underhand you into the trash And pour a drink to watch the night coming in. The house will remain dark tonight. For you, I will reflect without a flame. ------------------- Mike, this is awesome...very moving. the candle metaphor is exquisite and perfect,as are the emotions that it represents. You really captured your hearts intent in this piece. so sadly beautiful. so perfect. take care, jm ...when you walked into the room, I saw their faces, you made it feel like time was standing still...and I felt fascination... then you turned and smiled in my direction... and my heart...gave me away. glass tiger |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
devina, Thanks. Glad you enjoyed. And that line you like was the one that took me the most reworking to get right. I think it was worth it, too. Thanks, hoot. jm (or "butterfly slippers"), I know I have a fan when you essentially repeat my poem in the body of your reply. I appreciate it.Mike |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
bsq...you like that huh?  ...i like highlighting the lines or verses that effect me the most... yep...darn near the whole poem with this one... tell ya what...you keep calling me butterfly slippers... and I"ll cut and paste ya the moon (smile) take care, jm The stars shine so bright, now's the time I close my eyes - soft wind touch my face, Cool sand upon the place where I once kissed you And held you close. Now I will reach for the stars... Because Oh my love, that's where you are... Though the storms of black night rage on I still see your face I still feel your lips on mine And though my heart feels all alone without you I still hear you sing to me I still hear your voice on the sea... vertical horizon |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
fantastic metaphor! Corinne |
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