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Passions in Poetry

To the critic

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Kevin
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since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


0 posted 04-04-2000 11:23 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Kevin

Common critic
Analytic
Easy comes your kind

Sit in the stands
Tie up your hands
And try to read my mind

Conclusions weak
Before you speak
And call yourself a king

Step up and enter
The circle center
To prove this song you sing

In dreams pursuing
It is the doing
That sets us all apart

And while Iím bleeding
You stand misreading
The depths within my heart

Iím In the Limelight
In a time fight
To become forever

So would you speak not
If you seek not
The very same endeavor
© Copyright 2000 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


1 posted 04-04-2000 11:33 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Well said, Kevin. Your poem reminds me of a poem written by a local poet down here. I've always remembered these two lines:

Hey, Mr. Critic, get up on this stage
You be the songbird and I'll shake the cage

Obviously, amny people feel the same way, me included  
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


2 posted 04-04-2000 11:36 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

  
Yes this poem does have a familiar ring but I just can't place it now  

Well written Kevin!! You did an excellent job addressing the problems with a critic....often people who are very insecure in themselves.


 Hold me for yesterday
Kiss me for tomorrow
But love me for today.

Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 04-04-2000 11:42 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Sit in the stands
Tie up your hands
And try to read my mind
------------
And while Iím bleeding
You stand misreading
The depths within my heart
-------------------
So would you speak not
If you seek not
The very same endeavor
------------------

Kevin, this is excellent...very well writen and thought thru...
you should be very proud of this one!!
great job
take care, jm

 ...when you walked into the room, I saw their faces,
you made it feel like time was standing still...and I felt fascination...
then you turned and smiled in my direction...
and my heart...gave me away.
glass tiger
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


4 posted 04-05-2000 03:49 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

In critiquing this one, I would say it is very well written and full of truths. It can be painful when someone critques a poem that you have written from your heart, wanting only to express your feelings, and not to be analyzed. Well spoken
Liz

PS, But just as the critic remarks on the poetry and not on the poet, so should we criticize what he says, not who he is, for that may be another unknown.

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 04-05-2000).]
JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


5 posted 04-05-2000 03:50 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Very well written Kevin...James
hsystems
Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 320
Murray, UT, USA


6 posted 04-05-2000 03:54 AM       View Profile for hsystems   Email hsystems   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hsystems's Home Page   View IP for hsystems

Excellent piece, Kevin - straight from the hip, and oh so apropo!  

Troy

 Beautiful, Thought-Provoking Poetry
http://www.h-systems.net/p1.htm
Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


7 posted 04-05-2000 05:01 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Kevin~
Very well stated.
Spoken with 'heart'.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Michael
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since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


8 posted 04-05-2000 05:45 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Hit the nail on the head you did, kevin.  I don't have much problem receiving critique on "form" even when unsought but I absolutely find it absurd when someone tries to tell me what I was thinking when I was writing a poem.  Lest they see through your eyes and feel from your soul, who are they to try to change your words.  great poem.


Michael
Master
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since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


9 posted 04-05-2000 07:27 AM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Personally I love critics, they give me a good laugh! My father is the ultimate critic so I've learned to live with them. But I understand what you're saying and I love the way you write!
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


10 posted 04-05-2000 09:00 AM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

Thank you guys so much for your replies,
Liz, an interesting 180 you pulled on me, ill be thinking about it for quite some time

guess i was being a little hypo"critical"

lol
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


11 posted 04-05-2000 11:48 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Smiling here...you tell them Kevin  
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


12 posted 04-05-2000 11:52 AM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

Michael nailed it for me also.
Nice writing.
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


13 posted 04-05-2000 01:00 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Kevin, I think your reaction to critics is normal. My first reaction to unsolicited critiquing was anger, but I was confusing ego with malicious intent, and just because a person has an ego, doesn't mean he or she is not a good person or that the intentions weren't good. If someone is insensitive to your feelings, usually explaining things to them changes their approach.
I have met a lot of people through the years who rubbed me the wrong way at first, and ended up being best of friends, once we understood each other's personalities. If they make the mistake of offending me, I still don't see it as a reason to ostracize them. I like to know where that person is coming from before I make a judgement. People make mistakes. We all do.
You know, you write very well, even when you're angry. You have a wonderful talent.
And this was a very well written poem
Excellent, in fact
(But that's just my opinion)
Liz
Kevin
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since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


14 posted 04-05-2000 03:06 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

It just occured to me, after reading liz's second reply, that many of us have made a large assumption in the case of this poem.
It is easy, and almost expected to directly attribute my words to writing, and the critique there of. Understand, however, that this was not where I was coming from at all.  This poem represents those who strive to achieve any goal, yet are slowed or stopped by an OUTSIDER.  Someone who does/can/will not identify with their situation.  If your still patient enough to sit with me through this, I offer you the quote that inspired the poem by Teddy Roosevelt

     "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasims, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."


There is a key line in the poem, at the end, that says "would you speak not, If you seek not, the very same endeavor."

What I was trying to convey was that, the person who does not try at all, as if to shoot down an idea without offering an alternative, is looked upon negatively.  However, Someone who is in the arena, such as a fellow writer is openly accepted.  If you took the time to read this I hope it clarified, and I thank you
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


15 posted 04-05-2000 03:17 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Very well explained, Kevin, and an excellent quote by Teddy Roosevelt. I read it over a couple of times, and I understand better your poem.
Good work
Liz
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


16 posted 04-05-2000 03:47 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Great work... enjoyed this much!
 
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