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Passions in Poetry

Reflections on Full Circle

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Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


0 posted 04-02-2000 12:22 AM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Mistikman

This is a poem I wrote after reading an incredible short story that hit a little too close to home. The story is called Full Circle and was written by Scott a.k.a. Wordsmith. The story can be found here: http://www.artistic-expressions.com/bbs/messages/11096.html  I urge everyone to read this story, it has a powerful and important message.


My knees feel week and my fingers tremble
I just read a story of a boy I resemble
One who had lost all hope for the future
A beaten, lonely, pathetic creature

He lived his life for the failure it brought
Only feeling alive with the pain he sought
Then one day, while at a bench in the park
A little girls question pierced through the dark

"How much loss does it take to break a soul?"
A simple question eats in him a gaping hole
The girl is gone, but the question remains
Pounding into him like runaway trains

Silently, while drinking some cheap booze
He fights with himself, over that question he stews
Was he indeed, as the question said, broken?
Why was he disturbed with the words she had spoken?

He reflects on his life, sees that all ended in loss
In all he had done, only he suffered the costs
Each failure had ended with two things only
His intelligence and his twisted body

In grade school he learned how to hate
He was not athletic and a bit overweight
In sports he was often pushed to the other team
But, the laughter of girls was the pain supreme

In class he was silent and rather withdrawn
His peers saw him as nothing but a pawn
He was used for the answers they wanted
But still he was relentlessly taunted

No matter how he tried, still he was cast out
His mother said because of jealousy, no doubt
They envied his intelligence, and knew no other way
His size intimidated them into pushing him away

After pondering his thoughts for a very long time
He got a notebook to put his feelings to rhyme
In his writing he found a wonderful release
A way to make his torture finally cease

In this story I saw my own heartache and pain
Saw how I let my own life go swirling down that drain




[This message has been edited by Mistikman (edited 04-02-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


1 posted 04-02-2000 04:21 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Mistikman, I have read this story and like you, it touched me deeply.
This was so beautiful of you to have written this. Well Done!!


 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 04-02-2000 08:34 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I have had the opportunity to read the incredible piece of work about which you speak. As always, Scott's talent for prose and vivd imagery shines through in this, his latest story.
Your poem does him honor  
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


3 posted 04-02-2000 08:45 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

I have read Scott's story and your wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing both.
Liz
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


4 posted 04-02-2000 10:43 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

mistik,
this is excellent,you have written into your poem the things the story evoked in you and the things in your life, that you saw in the boy in the story, and made it your own.
very well written. strong in your emotions.
the ending lines, while being very sad...were perfection.
touching work here.
take care jm

 she said I dont know if I've ever been good enough,
and I'm a little bit rusty, and I feel like my head is caving in.
...and I dont know if I've ever been really loved by a hand thats touched me...
and I feel like somethings gonna give...
and I'm a little bit angry.
matchbox20
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


5 posted 04-02-2000 12:54 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Mistikman, I so admire your poetic self~examination. It comes through in all your work, I believe. I read the story you referred us to, and was very moved by it. That it touched you in this way is what I marvel at, though, because I see the inspiration for you and your reaction to it. What a wonderful thing for you to have shared with us, this progression. Love your poem! Thank you, in earnest, for a deeper look.

~ Claire
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


6 posted 04-02-2000 01:01 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Mistikman,
I read the story and your poem, and I loved them both. They were both very powerful and touched me very deeply.

 "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


7 posted 04-02-2000 03:07 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Excellent poem, Mistikman! Thanks for sharing it and the story by Scott!

Denise
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


8 posted 04-02-2000 03:45 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Honeybee

Mistikman, I am very sorry to hear of your painful childhood.  Your poem is bittersweet and so very well expressed.  Thank you for sharing your poem and telling us about Scott's story.

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee  
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


9 posted 04-02-2000 10:16 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

Thenk you all, but the real thanks need to be to Scott rather than me, for he wrote the wonderful story with which I based this mediocre poem on.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


10 posted 04-03-2000 12:23 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Mistik~
I read the story Scott wrote and was
very touched and moved by it.
You are right ... it is powerful
and very important.

I then re-read your poem relating
to the story ... it is very powerful
and very important.

I pray that you continue your writing
and reaching out to others.
It has to hurt to be the brunt of others
cruel humor and ill-manners.  It has to hurt
to not be recognized for what is inside
your heart and your head.
These years are so important in forming
who you will become ... rise above the
pettiness of others and reach out to someone
who needs you for your goodness.

There are many hands of friendship
extended to you in this family of poets.
Give yourself a chance to realize all
you can be.

I think you've taken a giant step toward
knowing that you are capable of more through
your writing.  Challenge yourself even
further.  WRITE - WRITE - WRITE !

I believe in you.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

CherylLynnMckee
Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 219


11 posted 04-03-2000 12:55 AM       View Profile for CherylLynnMckee   Email CherylLynnMckee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CherylLynnMckee

Incredible story Incredible poem thanks for sharing both.

 
 
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