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jbowie
Member

since 2000-02-18

Posts 135
BANGOR (that OR) ME

0 posted 2000-03-31 11:22 PM

I twirled her soft red hair
with the ends of my fingers
while she bent with her head down
looking away with deep red eyes
crocodile tears streaming
And I couldn't tell her a thing
not what she wanted to hear
she believed what she felt
that I should have felt the same
but her emotions would soon distort
anger replacing what was
hating me for just one fault
I did not love her

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-03-31 11:26 PM

Well done, James. Great writing.

Denise

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-03-31 11:30 PM

And I couldn't tell her a thing
not what she wanted to hear
she believed what she felt
that I should have felt the same
-----------------
hating me for just one fault
I did not love her
----------------

jb, this is a awesome as the last one...
(which I just read again and printed out)
your poems have this unique, quiet, quality about them, like the calm before the storm...you write very effectively of emotion and you do it in a few powerful lines.its quite a gift.
take care, jm

she said I dont know if I've ever been good enough,
and I'm a little bit rusty, and I feel like my head is caving in.
...and I dont know if I've ever been really loved by a hand thats touched me...
and I feel like somethings gonna give...
and I'm a little bit angry.
matchbox20

Aimster
Member Elite

since 2000-02-19

Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC

3 posted 2000-03-31 11:41 PM

~james

u sure do have the knack for delivering a powerful message in a few words! this my friend was in short, awesome... can totally relate to it as well. very good!!

AMY

~Live today as though it were your last but prepare for tomorrow as though it were here~

Meadowmuse
Member Elite

since 1999-12-27

Posts 3263

4 posted 2000-04-01 12:08 PM

The detail in the first five lines makes this poem breathe of honesty. The rest is wonderfully reflective and carries out the story very effectively. Good writing, to my way of thinking.

~ Claire

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2000-04-01 10:34 AM

Such is the imbalance in life... Well said, jb..

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2000-04-01 10:52 AM

JBowie~
So softly reflecting
the tenderness of a moment.
Very pleasurable to read.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2000-04-01 01:36 PM

This is sweetly true in feeling and very well done.

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