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Passions in Poetry

How things happen

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jbowie
Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 137
BANGOR (that OR) ME


0 posted 03-31-2000 12:34 AM       View Profile for jbowie   Email jbowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for jbowie


This is how things happen
just home cooking dinner
my daughter walks in uncomfortably
asks where mom is when
she already saw her today
in the city smoking a cigarette
some man too close
standing almost inside her
but my daughter didn't speak to her
or to me now
wrapped up
in what it meant or could mean
to she and I and mom

 A real man
kisses his children goodnight
© Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 03-31-2000 12:45 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"standing almost inside her..."

This is just devastating, jbowie,  so simple and direct and very clear...What an impact!

Thanks.  makes me think.  twice.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 03-31-2000 12:59 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

JBowie~
Terribly aching moment.
Images like these are seared
into the memory.
An awakening of tremendous impact
to the heart of a daughter.
Well said, my friend.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 03-31-2000 01:36 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Oh....my....this hit me like a bomb..very good. You have a blunt, raw edge here...
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 03-31-2000 08:00 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

james, you certainly have a way of seeing beyond a situation and through its potential ramifications... This one's potent..
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 03-31-2000 10:57 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

damn, this is exceptional, powerful
like a slap in the face
pure potent reality, but written with your gentle pain
this poem really effects me
i can relate to the perspective of all three people in this one,
take care, jm

 she said I dont know if I've ever been good enough,
and I'm a little bit rusty, and I feel like my head is caving in.
...and I dont know if I've ever been really loved by a hand thats touched me...
and I feel like somethings gonna give...
and I'm a little bit angry.
matchbox20
jbowie
Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 137
BANGOR (that OR) ME


6 posted 03-31-2000 11:08 PM       View Profile for jbowie   Email jbowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jbowie

thanks for the replies

serenity- thanks I was hoping for that effect

Marge- well pain breeds writing

POET Devine this was an experiment cause I needed to remain diverse in my writing

Nan- Pretty raw stuff, I aim to please

JM thanks, and this is a tough subject, having experienced it gave me a good perspective from which to write
Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


7 posted 03-31-2000 11:18 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

Well written.  Just goes to show that verbosity is not needed to write an excellent poem.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


8 posted 03-31-2000 11:23 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very powerful writing, James. Some of the best poems are born out of pain. I'm sorry though that you had to experience it.

Denise
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


9 posted 03-31-2000 11:31 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

" A real man
kisses his children goodnight"

Hi James... I just had to repeat those words! A powerful ending to an important piece of writing. Thank you for sharing this.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


10 posted 04-01-2000 12:16 AM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

A moving piece of work, and clearly written from experience. You've set it down with an objective view, yes, but with that "feel" within your words that allows the reader a personal, almost voyeuristic perspective. Skillfully written.

~ Claire
 
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