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Open Poetry #6
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How things happen
| Open Poetry #6 |
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How things happen |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
This is how things happen just home cooking dinner my daughter walks in uncomfortably asks where mom is when she already saw her today in the city smoking a cigarette some man too close standing almost inside her but my daughter didn't speak to her or to me now wrapped up in what it meant or could mean to she and I and mom A real man kisses his children goodnight |
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| © Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"standing almost inside her..." This is just devastating, jbowie, so simple and direct and very clear...What an impact! Thanks. makes me think. twice. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JBowie~ Terribly aching moment. Images like these are seared into the memory. An awakening of tremendous impact to the heart of a daughter. Well said, my friend. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Oh....my....this hit me like a bomb..very good. You have a blunt, raw edge here... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
james, you certainly have a way of seeing beyond a situation and through its potential ramifications... This one's potent.. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
damn, this is exceptional, powerful like a slap in the face pure potent reality, but written with your gentle pain this poem really effects me i can relate to the perspective of all three people in this one, take care, jm she said I dont know if I've ever been good enough, and I'm a little bit rusty, and I feel like my head is caving in. ...and I dont know if I've ever been really loved by a hand thats touched me... and I feel like somethings gonna give... and I'm a little bit angry. matchbox20 |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
thanks for the replies serenity- thanks I was hoping for that effect Marge- well pain breeds writing POET Devine this was an experiment cause I needed to remain diverse in my writing Nan- Pretty raw stuff, I aim to please JM thanks, and this is a tough subject, having experienced it gave me a good perspective from which to write |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Well written. Just goes to show that verbosity is not needed to write an excellent poem. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very powerful writing, James. Some of the best poems are born out of pain. I'm sorry though that you had to experience it. Denise |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
" A real man kisses his children goodnight" Hi James... I just had to repeat those words! A powerful ending to an important piece of writing. Thank you for sharing this. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
A moving piece of work, and clearly written from experience. You've set it down with an objective view, yes, but with that "feel" within your words that allows the reader a personal, almost voyeuristic perspective. Skillfully written. ~ Claire |
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