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Open Poetry #6
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-03-30 04:58 AM


Would I could
erase the past
while saving parts
that are best in me,
all of that--
it would be done--
as sweetly as
a whisper, "please..."

If I could feel
the trace of finger,
echoes of your words
in linger...
If I could break
this fever--
SWEAT--
Still, I'd not
be done for,
YET...
If I were SUN,
and you were DEW,
I could not, would not
diminish you...

I'd reverse all laws of universe,
if only just to breathe your breath.

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
1 posted 2000-03-30 06:32 AM



If I were SUN,
and you were DEW,
I could not, would not
diminish you...

Breathtaking Serenity, your words leave me with an ache I'm touched by this.  Thank you for sharing.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2000-03-30 06:38 AM


Serenity~
This is struck with beauty.

'If I could feel
the trace of finger,
echoes of your words
in linger...'

Beautiful, hon.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-03-30 10:28 AM


Serenity, this is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read! Absolutely beautiful!

Denise

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
4 posted 2000-03-30 10:48 AM


may I have your autograph ?

serenity this is awsome
Rex}>{{{{o>

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2000-03-30 05:46 PM


Butterflies--No, THANK YOU for your kindness.

Marge--as always, you warm my heart.

Denise--I am always happy if I think that you
        enjoyed...so thanks for making me
        happy!

Rex Allen--I don't know how to do autographs
          on this thing!  But thank you!
          That was a "first" for me...

CherylLynnMckee
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 215

6 posted 2000-03-30 06:23 PM


Absolutely beautiful...loved every single word in it.The first few lines grab you and hold you..wonderful!

 

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2000-03-30 09:17 PM


Would I could
erase the past
while saving parts
that are best in me,
all of that--
it would be done--
as sweetly as
a whisper, "please..."
----------------

serenity-girl...I am SO taken by this exceptional poem, besides its grace and beauty, which goes unsaid..I am so connected to its emotions...I swear your wrote this looking out of my heart.
this is the true gift of poetry and this special  place...i live for the moments when I come across a poem that moves me like this
I love this poem...thank you for this tonite.
take care sweets, jm


 Do you live by the book, do you play by the rules
Do you care what is thought by others about you
If this day is all that is promised to you
Do you live for the present, the future the past...
tracy chapman


mariee66
Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596
Recess, OfYourMind
8 posted 2000-03-30 09:53 PM


WOW~
This is nicely written~
What a wonderful poet you are~
Marie~


 "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." The Bard



Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2000-03-30 09:57 PM


serenity--this is a wonderful poem...touched my heart.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2000-03-31 12:13 PM


Thank you, thank you, Cheryllynn...

JM, I somehow knew you'd understand.  Love in abundance to you...(and may I add that I
have been enjoying YOUR work tremendously?)

Martie--meant to "e" you to tell you especially how much I've been enjoying your work as well...Thank you so much for all of your encouragement.

Marie66-love and gratitude to you as well.
Much, much thanks.

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
11 posted 2000-03-31 12:17 PM


This was DEEP girly...Definantly my favorite sis....you're quite the passion- I can't even pick ONE of my favorite lines...I loved it all!!!

*love you*


 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2000-03-31 12:41 PM


Oops!  You slipped by me there, me sister!
I had to come back just give you a hug!
Lovely love to you.  Thanks.

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
13 posted 2000-03-31 01:30 AM


I too love that phrase...simply lovely.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
14 posted 2000-03-31 01:45 AM


I can't even pick a favorite line. Not only are the words awesome, the rhyming style is exceptional. Love it...
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
15 posted 2000-03-31 04:29 AM


Wow -
What a lovely poem you have here.  This is so beautiful and so eloquent. I absolutely love the ending, too.


michael  

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

16 posted 2000-04-01 10:14 PM


Poet deVine, Balladeer, & Incredible Michael--
i am humbled by praise from "the masters"!
Thank you all so very much.
(You guys are all so good for me!)

Loneheart
Member
since 1999-09-13
Posts 92
Eastern US
17 posted 2000-04-01 10:32 PM


As always your poems are filled with such feelings thank you its beautiful

 Loneheart

hsystems
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 319
Murray, UT, USA
18 posted 2000-04-10 02:01 PM


Serenity - what a gorgeous poem!  I'm with Butterflies - these are my favorite lines:

"If I were SUN,
and you were DEW,
I could not, would not
diminish you..."

This poem is so touching, that I think it deserves another run on page one... BUMP!


Troy

 Beautiful, Thought-Provoking Poetry
http://www.h-systems.net/p1.htm

TerryW
Senior Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 779
Louisville, Mississippi, USA
19 posted 2000-04-10 04:06 PM


serenity,
    This is one of the best poems I have ever read.  I love the imagery in this one, and the last line takes my breath away:

If I were SUN,
and you were DEW,
I could not, would not
diminish you...

I'd reverse all laws of universe,
if only just to breathe your breath.


Straight from the heart!



 ~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
20 posted 2000-04-10 04:58 PM


Serenity
First of all, I loved the rhyming in this verse. It was a smooth flowing read. It is truly an exuisite poem, tender and loving
Liz

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

21 posted 2000-04-11 10:08 PM


Had to thank you all again!

Loneheart--hope you're not so lonely now!
           Thank you...

Troy-------ever grateful for the BUMP!

Terry------thanks to you--shall be looking
           for you as well, GRATS.

Elizabeth--The "Queen of Green" bends her
           knee--
           To the Duchess of Finesse!Much luv

WhiteNite
Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241
Montgomery, AL
22 posted 2000-04-11 10:12 PM


If I were SUN,
and you were DEW,
I could not, would not
diminish you...

I'd reverse all laws of universe,
if only just to breathe your breath.

-----------------------

Beautiful!!!


 "The storm rises up when the shadows descend
every beat of my heart every day without end
I will stand like a rock I will bend till I break
till theres no more to give if thats what it takes
I will risk everything I will fight I will bleed
I will lay down my life if thats what you need
every second I live thats the promise I make"

I have no idea who wrote this... tell me if you know. =)

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
23 posted 2000-04-12 12:19 PM


Serenity,
         this is wonderful...

If I could feel
the trace of finger,
echoes of your words

Just wonderful. . . you have done well with this one my friend. . .

------------------------------------------------------

 That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

24 posted 2000-04-12 02:16 AM


This one was the one most dear to my heart--
and Sven, you are so honest in me spirit--
simply had to thank you for your sensitivity-
your praise means much to me...lucky lady to know you well...serenity sends smiles...

Effigy
Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486
disbelief
25 posted 2000-04-12 02:20 AM


very nice. I liked it.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
26 posted 2000-04-12 02:22 AM


Serenity~ I am stunned by the beauty of your words.-SEA
Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
27 posted 2000-04-13 08:17 AM


Hi Serenity,

This is beautiful, simply beautiful.

Cerenity

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