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Open Poetry #6
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200 minutes
| Open Poetry #6 |
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200 minutes |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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-200 minutes- The first poet of the evening Gave a rambling soliloquy. Some diamonds in his verse, But a lot of cubic zirconia, too. He made the mistake of prefacing his art To try and make connections In a crowd of others not quite like him. The second admitted it was her first time, And soon proved her virginity. Her words were sentimental, Studded with too-easy observations And surface feelings. Being her first time, She brought some sunset paintings (quite beautiful -- her gift isn't words) To supplement the lack of meaning. The third was a young boy in a wheelchair; The audience clapped and cooed, As if sympathy and pity Are more important than understanding. He had no pretensions, a soft voice And a sweet wisdom in his words. A carefree unspoken nuance That told us he knew where he would be in his life. The first best poet of the evening. A man so angry that his words jumbled together In a cauldron of bile, at the point of unfocused rage Where beauty is an absent, leaking sore, Stumbled his words -- both english and spanish -- Into the mic. He was hard to understand, his intensity so melting. He's going to be the featured poet next month, Because we all know that anger equals profundity To the uninformed impressionables. Next, someone from a local club Came to theatricize his words. I was impressed at how well he moved his body With the sounds spouting unchecked like a burst spigot. He had to get the words out fast To keep that glob of memory from becoming a stroke. Sometimes he became unintelligible. But he was very handsome, so he has two tricks to his name. He's going to go far. There were the regular poets, who came every month And their work was fine. I can't quite remember specifics Simply because I know well their peculiarites And avid, purposeful phrasings. I guess I take them for granted. (to make amends, I bought a chapbook from one of them) 150 minutes in. The chairs from the podium spread back Like unbroken knifeflattened butter. Since the readings were four minutes longer tonight, Many invisible poets flooded the mic. The more professional used the extra time to plug other appearances, Where we could no doubt go and here about even more appearances. Meanwhile, my ass was a steely pain Against the bookstore folding chair. When I finally came up, The moderator told me he was sorry, But the bookstore was closing. Could I keep it short? So instead of reading 10 minutes worth of work Selected and read several times in front of the mirror To get the timing, the nuance, the unseen craft correct, I read three poems, three short poems, That I brought with me just in case. They were serviceable, and I do enjoy them, But they didn't speak in the tone I wanted to take. I learned a lot. I'm going to try and break my leg, Have a profane tattoo needled into my neck And do somersaults to the stage next month, Cast thudding heavily like small stone. With a voice of stolen thunder, I'll scream words into feedback. I'll sing tuneless notes, Set a piece of paper on fire. And then, for the eyes rapt finale, I'll place a wordless gun to my head and Pull. It will be a water pistol, But oh, the impression it will leave. Finally, I will be respected. Or at the very least, I will be an artist, too. [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (edited 03-26-2000).] |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
In the sixth stanza, take out the line "From every reading." It's redundant, and interrupts the flow. How do you edit these things once they're already sent? Mike |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
BS>>>>you are SO GREAT... this is so perfect and so typically you!!! I read this taking in every image of the poets and your descriptions and then I hit your wit and sarcasim...  now Im laughing so hard I cant type...as always creative and charming!! take care, JM Do you live by the book, do you play by the rules Do you care what is thought by others about you If this day is all that is promised to you Do you live for the present, the future the past... tracy chapman |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
BS.. TO EDIT>>you click on the paper and pencil icon at the top of your post...but let it go the poems perfect jm |
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David2 Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 407 |
This very adequately describes the superficiality of the society we live in. If communicating ideas is a prime directive of poetry then this is a fine poem, your thoughts and feelings leapt from the page. David2 There is an icon in the upper right hand corner that resembles the format. Click on it and you can edit your work. [This message has been edited by David2 (edited 03-26-2000).] |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Arrrgh! Another edit. (this is the problem with posting without reading aloud first) To keep that glob of memory from becoming a stroke. Instead of "that particular glob." The more professional used the extra time to plug other appearances, Instead of "used the extra minutes" They were serviceable, and I do enjoy them, But they didn't speak in the tone I wanted to take. Instead of "I wanted to take that night." Confusing enough?  Mike |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Janet, Glad you enjoyed, and noticed the humor. When I do crack a smile in my poetry, it's very hidden -- I like subtlety. I know last night's lousiness feels a lot better this morning, after writing it out. Thanks for reading. David2, Also glad you enjoyed. And I'll agree to superficiality to a point. I think people are sooner to take in something that's made to be taken notice of, but that something quickly flares out once its one trick ends. I, and anyone who does something for themselves rather than others, will get their dues someday. Patience is another thing I'm pretty fond of. And to both of you, Thanks for showing me how to use to edit function. I was able to tighten up the poem more. Mike |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Mike, this is grand. Just take your keyboard and give them a taste of your h2s...that'll fix their poetic wagon. Loved this one, despite the edits. Check your e'mail later, okay?~ Claire |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
YOU ARE FABULOUS!!! I AM POSITIVELY GLEEFUL! This is Filet Mignon! (You should "read" this one next, ya know!) |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Claire, Glad you enjoyed. The only problem with h2s's is trying to edit them once they're sent!serenity, Now I'm all hungry. Mike |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Love your eye for detail...you can recite for me anytime |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Sure, when are you coming out to California? Hah! Called your bluff! Glad you enjoyed.Mike |
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