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Passions in Poetry

200 minutes

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 03-26-2000 04:42 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

-200 minutes-
The first poet of the evening
Gave a rambling soliloquy.
Some diamonds in his verse,
But a lot of cubic zirconia, too.
He made the mistake of prefacing his art
To try and make connections
In a crowd of others not quite like him.

The second admitted it was her first time,
And soon proved her virginity.
Her words were sentimental,
Studded with too-easy observations
And surface feelings.
Being her first time,
She brought some sunset paintings
(quite beautiful -- her gift isn't words)
To supplement the lack of meaning.

The third was a young boy in a wheelchair;
The audience clapped and cooed,
As if sympathy and pity
Are more important than understanding.
He had no pretensions, a soft voice
And a sweet wisdom in his words.
A carefree unspoken nuance
That told us he knew where he would be in his life.
The first best poet of the evening.

A man so angry that his words jumbled together
In a cauldron of bile, at the point of unfocused rage
Where beauty is an absent, leaking sore,
Stumbled his words -- both english and spanish --
Into the mic.
He was hard to understand, his intensity so melting.
He's going to be the featured poet next month,
Because we all know that anger equals profundity
To the uninformed impressionables.

Next, someone from a local club
Came to theatricize his words.
I was impressed at how well he moved his body
With the sounds spouting unchecked like a burst spigot.
He had to get the words out fast
To keep that glob of memory from becoming a stroke.
Sometimes he became unintelligible.
But he was very handsome, so he has two tricks to his name.
He's going to go far.

There were the regular poets, who came every month
And their work was fine. I can't quite remember specifics
Simply because I know well their peculiarites
And avid, purposeful phrasings.
I guess I take them for granted.
(to make amends, I bought a chapbook from one of them)

150 minutes in.
The chairs from the podium spread back
Like unbroken knifeflattened butter.
Since the readings were four minutes longer tonight,
Many invisible poets flooded the mic.
The more professional used the extra time to plug other appearances,
Where we could no doubt go and here about even more appearances.
Meanwhile, my ass was a steely pain
Against the bookstore folding chair.

When I finally came up,
The moderator told me he was sorry,
But the bookstore was closing.
Could I keep it short?

So instead of reading 10 minutes worth of work
Selected and read several times in front of the mirror
To get the timing, the nuance, the unseen craft correct,
I read three poems, three short poems,
That I brought with me just in case.
They were serviceable, and I do enjoy them,
But they didn't speak in the tone I wanted to take.

I learned a lot.

I'm going to try and break my leg,
Have a profane tattoo needled into my neck
And do somersaults to the stage next month,
Cast thudding heavily like small stone.

With a voice of stolen thunder,
I'll scream words into feedback.
I'll sing tuneless notes,
Set a piece of paper on fire.
And then, for the eyes rapt finale,
I'll place a wordless gun to my head and
Pull.

It will be a water pistol,
But oh, the impression it will leave.

Finally,
I will be respected.
Or at the very least,
I will be an artist, too.



[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (edited 03-26-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


1 posted 03-26-2000 04:47 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

In the sixth stanza, take out the line "From every reading." It's redundant, and interrupts the flow. How do you edit these things once they're already sent?

Mike
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 03-26-2000 04:48 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

BS>>>>you are SO GREAT...
this is so perfect and so typically you!!!
I read this taking in every image of the poets and your descriptions and then I hit your wit and sarcasim... now Im laughing so hard I cant type...
as always creative and charming!!
take care, JM

 Do you live by the book, do you play by the rules
Do you care what is thought by others about you
If this day is all that is promised to you
Do you live for the present, the future the past...
tracy chapman

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 03-26-2000 04:50 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

BS.. TO EDIT>>you click on the paper and pencil icon at the top of your post...but let it go the poems perfect  jm
David2
Member
since 03-22-2000
Posts 412


4 posted 03-26-2000 04:51 PM       View Profile for David2   Email David2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for David2

This very adequately describes the superficiality of the society we live in. If communicating ideas is a prime directive of poetry then this is a fine poem, your thoughts and feelings leapt from the page.
      David2
There is an icon in the upper right hand corner that resembles the format. Click on it and you can edit your work.

[This message has been edited by David2 (edited 03-26-2000).]
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 03-26-2000 04:56 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Arrrgh! Another edit. (this is the problem with posting without reading aloud first)

To keep that glob of memory from becoming a stroke.

Instead of "that particular glob."

The more professional used the extra time to plug other appearances,

Instead of "used the extra minutes"

They were serviceable, and I do enjoy them,
But they didn't speak in the tone I wanted to take.

Instead of "I wanted to take that night."

Confusing enough?  

Mike
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


6 posted 03-26-2000 05:12 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Janet,
Glad you enjoyed, and noticed the humor. When I do crack a smile in my poetry, it's very hidden -- I like subtlety. I know last night's lousiness feels a lot better this morning, after writing it out. Thanks for reading.

David2,
Also glad you enjoyed. And I'll agree to superficiality to a point. I think people are sooner to take in something that's made to be taken notice of, but that something quickly flares out once its one trick ends. I, and anyone who does something for themselves rather than others, will get their dues someday. Patience is another thing I'm pretty fond of.  

And to both of you,
Thanks for showing me how to use to edit function. I was able to tighten up the poem more.

Mike
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


7 posted 03-26-2000 05:12 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Mike, this is grand. Just take your keyboard and give them a taste of your h2s...that'll fix their poetic wagon. Loved this one, despite the edits.   Check your e'mail later, okay?

~ Claire
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


8 posted 03-26-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

YOU ARE FABULOUS!!!  I AM POSITIVELY GLEEFUL!
This is Filet Mignon!

(You should "read" this one next, ya know!)

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


9 posted 03-27-2000 12:10 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Claire,
Glad you enjoyed.   The only problem with h2s's is trying to edit them once they're sent!

serenity,
Now I'm all hungry.  

Mike
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


10 posted 03-27-2000 10:58 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Love your eye for detail...you can recite for me anytime  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


11 posted 03-28-2000 02:38 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Sure, when are you coming out to California? Hah! Called your bluff!   Glad you enjoyed.

Mike
 
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