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Passions in Poetry

The edge

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Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


0 posted 03-25-2000 01:49 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Seymour Tabin

      The edge

I lay and listen to rain
Drop by drop.
Uncounted in the darkness
One by one.

Weeping on the window pane
Slip by slip.
Running rivulets egress
Drip by drip.

Drawn into the shush of less
One by one.
Hushing to oblivion  
Drop by drop.

One by one.
Drop by drop
Till there are none.

© Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


1 posted 03-25-2000 02:10 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Sy,
I love a verse about the rain.
Puttering on the window pain
This is one who's void of sleep
Listening to sounds of weep
What she thought to be the rain
Were tears her heart had shed in pain

I still like poems about the rain
Especially ones written by you
Love ya
Liz
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 03-25-2000 02:28 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Oh, Seymour~

You 'structured' poet
of verse and rhyme ...
here you've 'free-fallen'
for all time.

Whatever render
from your pen,
picks me up
and takes me in.

I LOVE IT !
Won't Kamla and Martie just love it too?
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 03-25-2000 07:13 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I love the image of rain weeping on the window pane...never thought of it that way before.. nice one, Sy.  
Meadowmuse
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since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


4 posted 03-25-2000 09:30 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Seymour, what a write...loved the alliteration and gentle rhyme.

~ Claire
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 03-25-2000 09:38 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Yes, every time I hear the rain
Weeping on my window pane
I know exactly what they say..
"Hey, Balladeer! No golf today!!!"
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 03-25-2000 11:46 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Elizabeth, Your rhyme is as beautiful as you are. Love Sy

Marge, I must be part Mormon I love you too
Your comment is so beautiful. *L*

Poet deVine, Your nice one made my day. *L*

Meadow, Claire you are a rare poet with a keen mind Your praise warms my heart. *L*

Balladeer, I figured you for a clever answers
and it is.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 03-26-2000 02:47 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Wow!
This is wonderfully different - it catches at my imagination and just won't let go...

'Drawn into the shush of less' - love this line, love it love it love it...

Just read what Marge wrote - how 'write' she is!

Sy - you have an amazing talent.

K



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
Lucius Cade
Member
since 03-23-2000
Posts 239
Saskatchewan


8 posted 03-26-2000 03:11 AM       View Profile for Lucius Cade   Email Lucius Cade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucius Cade

Until now, I have never considered rain as single drops each falling. Always just generalized it as a whole. This is a great interpretation.

 Lucidity is the answer to all problems
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


9 posted 03-26-2000 10:13 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

This is wonderful, Sy.. I, too, like the imagery of rain "weeping on your window pane".. My gosh - You even got Balladeer crying here..
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 03-26-2000 03:07 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is beautiful, Sy!

Denise
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


11 posted 03-26-2000 07:52 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Severn, Your pretty amazing yourself. LOve your comment. *L*

Lucius, Thank you for the nice comment.

Nan, Balladeer cried only because he couldn't play golf. Thanks for the read. *L*

Denise, Thanks for the beautiful, beautiful. *L*
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


12 posted 03-27-2000 10:38 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Oh Sy...this is quite smooth Sir...like little drops of thoughts misting down so gently so that you barely notice they are falling...I'll settle being caught in a storm of your words anyday  
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


13 posted 03-28-2000 04:19 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Hoot,
Just wanted to thank you before this rain disappears. *L*
CherylLynnMckee
Member
since 03-28-2000
Posts 219


14 posted 03-28-2000 04:23 PM       View Profile for CherylLynnMckee   Email CherylLynnMckee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CherylLynnMckee

Lovely..it really flows.

 
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 06-24-99
Posts 2655
Redlands,CA,USA


15 posted 03-28-2000 08:01 PM       View Profile for Andrew Scott   Email Andrew Scott   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Andrew Scott

Well done Mr. Tabin. Like the sound of this one... and I do mean sound. I bow to you and yours.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


16 posted 03-28-2000 10:39 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Cheryl,
Thank you, read your poem and you are a delight.

Andrew,
I bow to your comment, thank you.
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


17 posted 03-28-2000 11:59 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

Sy,
Beautifully done.   Rain weeping. That is an image I never thought of before, and I love the rain. I do believe you've inspired a "happy poem" for me.   Thanks much!

Balladeer:
HEY!! Who said we can't golf in the rain?   Maybe golfers should have the mailman's attitude, eh?  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


18 posted 03-29-2000 03:08 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

S.T.,
Loved the poem. Haunting in its simplicity and finality. I don't think "The edge" is the right title, though. There's too much smooth glass and trickling rainwater -- even the narrator seems more calm than desperate. That's my only nitpick, though. Great little nugget.

Mike
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


19 posted 03-29-2000 03:14 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

What a delight for a sleepless night...
Thanks indeed... this is just what I need! *S*

This is wonderful, Seymour... I like it very much!
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
20 posted 03-29-2000 08:31 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

Your rain smiled my heart ...
This is a stunning piece, Sy .....
 
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