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Open Poetry #6
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The edge
| Open Poetry #6 |
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The edge |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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The edge I lay and listen to rain Drop by drop. Uncounted in the darkness One by one. Weeping on the window pane Slip by slip. Running rivulets egress Drip by drip. Drawn into the shush of less One by one. Hushing to oblivion Drop by drop. One by one. Drop by drop Till there are none. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Sy, I love a verse about the rain. Puttering on the window pain This is one who's void of sleep Listening to sounds of weep What she thought to be the rain Were tears her heart had shed in pain I still like poems about the rain Especially ones written by you Love ya Liz |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Oh, Seymour~ You 'structured' poet of verse and rhyme ... here you've 'free-fallen' for all time. Whatever render from your pen, picks me up and takes me in. I LOVE IT !  Won't Kamla and Martie just love it too? ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I love the image of rain weeping on the window pane...never thought of it that way before.. nice one, Sy.  |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Seymour, what a write...loved the alliteration and gentle rhyme. ~ Claire |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yes, every time I hear the rain Weeping on my window pane I know exactly what they say.. "Hey, Balladeer! No golf today!!!" |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Elizabeth, Your rhyme is as beautiful as you are. Love Sy Marge, I must be part Mormon I love you too Your comment is so beautiful. *L* Poet deVine, Your nice one made my day. *L* Meadow, Claire you are a rare poet with a keen mind Your praise warms my heart. *L* Balladeer, I figured you for a clever answers and it is. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow! This is wonderfully different - it catches at my imagination and just won't let go... 'Drawn into the shush of less' - love this line, love it love it love it... Just read what Marge wrote - how 'write' she is! Sy - you have an amazing talent.  K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
Until now, I have never considered rain as single drops each falling. Always just generalized it as a whole. This is a great interpretation. Lucidity is the answer to all problems |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is wonderful, Sy.. I, too, like the imagery of rain "weeping on your window pane".. My gosh - You even got Balladeer crying here..  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is beautiful, Sy! Denise |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn, Your pretty amazing yourself. LOve your comment. *L* Lucius, Thank you for the nice comment. Nan, Balladeer cried only because he couldn't play golf. Thanks for the read. *L* Denise, Thanks for the beautiful, beautiful. *L* |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh Sy...this is quite smooth Sir...like little drops of thoughts misting down so gently so that you barely notice they are falling...I'll settle being caught in a storm of your words anyday |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Hoot, Just wanted to thank you before this rain disappears. *L* |
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CherylLynnMckee Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 215 |
Lovely..it really flows. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Well done Mr. Tabin. Like the sound of this one... and I do mean sound. I bow to you and yours. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Cheryl, Thank you, read your poem and you are a delight. Andrew, I bow to your comment, thank you. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Sy, Beautifully done. Rain weeping. That is an image I never thought of before, and I love the rain. I do believe you've inspired a "happy poem" for me. Thanks much! Balladeer: HEY!! Who said we can't golf in the rain?  Maybe golfers should have the mailman's attitude, eh? |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
S.T., Loved the poem. Haunting in its simplicity and finality. I don't think "The edge" is the right title, though. There's too much smooth glass and trickling rainwater -- even the narrator seems more calm than desperate. That's my only nitpick, though. Great little nugget. Mike |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
What a delight for a sleepless night... Thanks indeed... this is just what I need! *S* This is wonderful, Seymour... I like it very much! |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Your rain smiled my heart ... This is a stunning piece, Sy ..... |
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