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Passions in Poetry

Loss wrestles Hope (or a better title...help???)

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christies heart
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since 08-10-99
Posts 192
NJ, USA


0 posted 03-24-2000 02:26 PM       View Profile for christies heart   Email christies heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for christies heart

In the moment where truth dances with lies
I catch the fire in your distant eyes.
I want to seek shelter in the setting sun.
I resist the moonlight for the chance to run.

I've wandered blind on the road to shame.
I've stood up for love, denying pain.
Now I'm older and slightly wise;
I won't fall harshly on your tender disquise.

In the futile fields of days gone by
I've found that trust must too soon die.
In the cynics world I modestly dwell;
it's better than drifting in dreamers hell.

Still, I shed some restless tears
for innocence robbed in earlier years.
Hold my body, thrive safely on heat.
loss wrestle hope, but the soul it defeats.

---



 Grant that I may not judge my niegbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasians

Native American prayer


© Copyright 2000 Christine R - All Rights Reserved
INclan
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since 07-20-99
Posts 1046
Indiana, USA


1 posted 03-24-2000 02:41 PM       View Profile for INclan   Email INclan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for INclan

Good poem.  I like off-setting the two points of view.  If this was a flash of inspiration...good for you.  However, it looks to me like you really sat down and thought hard on this one....even better for you.

A title, how about: "A Cynical Reality Check" or "The Death of Innocence"
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 03-24-2000 05:20 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is wonderful writing Christie! For a title how about 'Wrestled Hope'? or INclan's suggestions are both good too!

Denise
David2
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since 03-22-2000
Posts 412


3 posted 03-24-2000 05:26 PM       View Profile for David2   Email David2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for David2

I loved this work Christie, but I wouldn't change the title at all. It must be what you thought it should be. Why worry, the title reflects the work.
     David2
christies heart
Member
since 08-10-99
Posts 192
NJ, USA


4 posted 03-25-2000 07:41 AM       View Profile for christies heart   Email christies heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for christies heart

Thank you for you thoughtful suggestions and kind comments! I like them all.

David-Maybe I should stick with the title I began with. After all, if you can't judge a book by it's cover, I suppose the same should hold true for a "poem" and its "title"

 Grant that I may not judge my niegbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasians

Native American prayer


Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


5 posted 03-25-2000 01:00 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Christie~
This is a wonderfully written piece.
It shows the struggle within.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

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