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Passions in Poetry

Rooms,Too Clean

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christies heart
Member
since 08-10-99
Posts 192
NJ, USA


0 posted 03-20-2000 05:59 AM       View Profile for christies heart   Email christies heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for christies heart

He is so young, he sleeps now, rested.
Two parents stand over him, helpless, alone.
The silence peaks in this ever shrinking room,
which for the next few weeks, becomes his home.

The mother wonders of her fated life, her only son
being left here in this hospital room.
The father can't help but look towards her with
blame,after all, the kid comes from her womb.

The boy, thirteen, doesn't mind the place.
yeah it's cold; it smells sort of too clean.
The answer comes in feelings not words;
at least it's safer than any place else he's been.

The Father, still spinning the arrow of blame,
checks the clock with a resentful sigh.
This kid's no good, bringing knives to school.
Wait till they let him out, he's gonna die!

The Mother, wishing well for her boy, cannot
help but see her husband's rage coming undone.
Better they go, there's some stash in the car.
They'll come back tommorow to visit their son.

She needs a fix, he needs to fix it all.
What of this young boy's basic needs?
They lie lost now with the needs of the other boys
who live alone in hospitals that smells too clean?



 Grant that I may not judge my niegbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasians

Native American prayer






[This message has been edited by christies heart (edited 03-20-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Christine R - All Rights Reserved
Rosalind Palafox
Unregistered


NJ, USA


1 posted 03-20-2000 08:01 PM       Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Rosalind Palafox

clean????? (nice story)-well sad actually

 "Love knows hidden paths."-German proverb
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 03-20-2000 08:06 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

WOW, christie, this poem just blew me away...you drew the imagery so painfully and with such an edge of realism...this is exceptional work. truly, take a bow.(SMILE)
take carem jm

 and you can say baby...
baby can I hold you tonight
maybe if told you the right words...
at the right time,
you'd be mine...
baby can I hold you tonight...
tracy chapman


Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 03-20-2000 11:32 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

So continually sad. Such a strong message, Chris. Parents feeling hopeless, for themselves and their children, so they turn it off, tune it out, turn him loose. Good writing, dear.

~ Claire
christies heart
Member
since 08-10-99
Posts 192
NJ, USA


4 posted 03-21-2000 08:53 AM       View Profile for christies heart   Email christies heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for christies heart

RP..Thanks for commenting. To clear up the "Clean" part of the poem, the key words are supposed to be "smell" and "too" clean. The point I was sort of trying to get at was that, while the hospital may be anything but clean, the over use of hospital cleaning supplies is something like the a families overuse of the the hospital in attempt to find a quick fix. Does that make any sense. It was sort of a stretch, I guess!  

Janet Marie, Thank you sooo much again for you sweet and kind feedback. Did someone in my family pay you to boost my self esteem??



Meadowmuse...Thanks. This subject is so sad and I have experiece (sort of) from both sides. I have been part of the "hospital" and a parent of a child who suffers such issues (but thankfully has not needed the hospital). There are so many aspects of this issue that intertwine!

 Grant that I may not judge my niegbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasians

Native American prayer


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 03-21-2000 10:49 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

WOW!!!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


6 posted 03-21-2000 04:33 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie


why no chris, my poetic pal...no one pays me to read your poems...I am drawn to them..as I find So much of me in them...the things we have in common...I am most pleased if my replies boost you and make you smile...
on the other hand...should anyone in your family feel the need...
I accept checks, credit cards, and cash...
thanks of your understanding and sweet words to my poem today...
take care, jm


 and you can say baby...
baby can I hold you tonight
maybe if told you the right words...
at the right time,
you'd be mine...
baby can I hold you tonight...
tracy chapman


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