»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #6
»
the loneliness of love
| Open Poetry #6 |
|
the loneliness of love |
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
|
I am not allowed to tell the truth To my family, my friends or the police. For I realized last night, outside, That clouds are darker than the sky. So many things to hide that way. So many things. I swore I saw a strange light Like aurora borealis fields. It made me wonder if someone above Is watching over everything we yield. I feel empty by thinking that thought; Those poor godheavy eyes. Hours ago, I was by our pool Sipping on strawberry punch. I don't know how it got so late; Only a few hours ago it was lunch. But I remember watching underwater light Like jumpropes held and twirling. I am not allowed to tell the truth To my family, my friends or the police. For I realized the bible and constitution Are only papers written over with release. But I'm too old to try and break Any laws or morals now. So I won't explain the significance of that night, Where the light fell away, how I poignantly wept, The journals I kept, the taste of evening, The craving leaving, the sadness blooming Like cryptflower petals purple with dawn. To my father, I'll try to be a better son. To the light, I'll pray for a noonlit song. To the night, I'll pray it won't be long Before I'm wrapped in a love that's epic beauty Will be loveless, sweet and wrong. (c) 2000 Mike Chmielecki |
||
| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
One thing: there should be a colon after "underwater light" to clearly show the light is like a jumprope twirling -- not that the narrator watches the light with the same fascination of a jumprope. Without it, this poem could be seen in a pedophiliac context, and that's definitely not my intent at all. Mike |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
bsquirrel, Good paint, good thoughts, enjoyed the poem |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Vivid imagery here sir! I like this one a lot...  |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I read this poem three times and am left with such a feeling of sadness....."Will be loveless, sweet and wrong." and "The craving leaving, the sadness blooming Like cryptflower petals purple with dawn" You write well! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"Those poor godheavy eyes..." whew. you are an artist, my friend. (and that is your identity...) I am humbled, once again. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
