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Passions in Poetry

the loneliness of love

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 03-19-2000 02:58 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

I am not allowed to tell the truth
To my family, my friends or the police.
For I realized last night, outside,
That clouds are darker than the sky.
So many things to hide that way.
So many things.

I swore I saw a strange light
Like aurora borealis fields.
It made me wonder if someone above
Is watching over everything we yield.
I feel empty by thinking that thought;
Those poor godheavy eyes.

Hours ago, I was by our pool
Sipping on strawberry punch.
I don't know how it got so late;
Only a few hours ago it was lunch.
But I remember watching underwater light
Like jumpropes held and twirling.

I am not allowed to tell the truth
To my family, my friends or the police.
For I realized the bible and constitution
Are only papers written over with release.
But I'm too old to try and break
Any laws or morals now.

So I won't explain the significance of that night,
Where the light fell away, how I poignantly wept,
The journals I kept, the taste of evening,
The craving leaving, the sadness blooming
Like cryptflower petals purple with dawn.

To my father, I'll try to be a better son.
To the light, I'll pray for a noonlit song.
To the night, I'll pray it won't be long
Before I'm wrapped in a love that's epic beauty
Will be loveless, sweet and wrong.

(c) 2000 Mike Chmielecki
© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


1 posted 03-19-2000 03:12 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

One thing: there should be a colon after "underwater light" to clearly show the light is like a jumprope twirling -- not that the narrator watches the light with the same fascination of a jumprope. Without it, this poem could be seen in a pedophiliac context, and that's definitely not my intent at all.

Mike
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


2 posted 03-19-2000 03:18 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

bsquirrel,
Good paint, good thoughts, enjoyed the poem
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 03-19-2000 04:04 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Vivid imagery here sir! I like this one a lot...  
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 03-19-2000 04:34 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

I read this poem three times and am left with such a feeling of sadness....."Will be loveless, sweet and wrong." and
"The craving leaving, the sadness blooming
Like cryptflower petals purple with dawn"

You write well!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


5 posted 03-19-2000 09:29 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

"Those poor godheavy eyes..."

whew.  you are an artist, my friend. (and that is your identity...)  I am humbled, once again.
 
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