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Open Poetry #6
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I Waited........
| Open Poetry #6 |
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I Waited........ |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
I Waited.... You walked away To let me grow But why you stayed away I'll never know. I kept waiting to see a glimpse of you, waiting for you to want me and make my dream come true. I waited on my birthday for the Pony you would bring. I waited there at bedtime for the song that you would sing. I waited at the bus stop for the smiling tears. I waited at my prom for you to calm the fears. I waited at my driving class to see your white knuckle grip. I waited at my first broken heart for you to provide the stiff upper lip. I waited at my graduation To see you standing proud. I waited without hesitation to hear you clap so loud. I waited dressed in white for you to give my hand. I waited after a labored night to call you "grand dad" I waited but you never came I prayed to no avail My needing never tamed and the never ending tale. Now my wait is through I realize it must be. My dream won't come true and more waiting I'll not see. I guess you never heard me or maybe it was a bother. Couldn't you see All I wanted was to call you .............................. .............................. My Father. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
butterfly you break my heart with this one... you write your pain so perfectly...thank god we have our poetry to help us cope... I relate to this one in many ways... take care, jm Now for me some words come easy But I know that they don't mean that much Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch You never knew what I loved in you I don't know what you loved in me Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be jackson browne |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
This is touching Butterflies_dont_cry. Excellent work. |
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jazzgal Junior Member
since 2000-03-07
Posts 37 |
This is just an amazing poem... I mean, it is so true and i can feel that it is right from the heart. I want to say "Bravo", but that's not the word to describe this one... I'll just say, you just described something that I could never put into words... what a talent! May |
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mariee66 Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596Recess, OfYourMind |
Simply bittersweet~ I can relate to this, sadly~ Excellent work~ Marie~ "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." The Bard |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
JM, I'm so glad you understood this poem, not so glad that you relate to it, I offer a hand of friendship to one so like myself. Mistikman, Thank you VERY much  May, Thank you for you understanding and praise. Mariee, I'm so sorry for the pain that you have endured and thank you for reading. To All: This poem was very hard to put into words. But, now that I have I'm glad I did, Another locked door has been opened |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
Having a father but not having a dad is a tough pill to swallow ... I guess I should feel lucky ... my dad was never there either but I know that it was because of extream shyness ... I think there's a phobia for it Rex}<{{{{o> |
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CrazyChick Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 132 |
Its so hard to go through life without your parents there for you. You did a great job with this poem. I wish you the best of luck! |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Butterfly~ this is a sweet poem that I think you should consider working on and honing in on the meter. I think that there are a lot of people who could relate to this poem, but in order to get it published, you'll have to find a meter that you like and stick with it. What I mean by this, is that in line one, you have a 4 syllable count and then in line 9 you have a 7 syllable count. So to some of us readers, it seems off. I suggest that you stick with a 6 or 7 syllable rhythm, as it seems to be easier (more natural) for you. With that in mind, for example, your first stanza could read, The reason you walked away, You said, was to let me grow. But why you chose to stay away, From me, that I'll never know. I guess what I'm saying is if you try to be a little more consistent in your rhythm, I think this poem would be even better than it is. And it is good, don't get me wrong. I just think you should try to make it even bbetter. best regards, bboog |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ButterfliesDC~ What heart-wrenching love and longing is here in this piece written from your heart. It is a PERFECT poetic piece because it comes from deep within. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Rex, Thank you, and you are right there is a big differece between a dad and a father CC, Thank you, and yes it is Bboog, Thank you for your tips, I'll see what I can do, I apprciate the advice. Marge, Thank you.....you are so sweet |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
As always you speak from the heart Your words are written with such honesty and feeling one cannot help but to feel your emotions. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Oh my, this is heart-wrenching. Very powerful wording of a very sad subject. I know many in here will relate to this one. Beautifully done. Michael |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
***Butterflies, God, this killed me. I can, in a small way, relate to this poem...it's not that my dad doesn't care, he just has a bit too many incapabilities. You'r work is of such a high standard and is so beautiful and full of such truth. However much pain you are dealing within your work, it will always be a pleasure to read.....  I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
EagleOne, My dear sweet honest friend I'm so glad that you liked it. You coments mean so much to me, thank you. Michael, Thank you, I'm very pleased that you thought it was beautifully done...I was beginning to wonder if I had really screwed it up...lol I guess my heart has never heard of a meter count so I guess I'll leave it the way it is and count on the next one. Mete, Coming from you and after reading your own beautiful poetry it means alot to hear from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is so sadly touching, Butterflies. Heart wrenching. Denise |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Deep sorrow from a disappointed heart...I only wish this did not have to be. You have expressed each disappointment so clearly and so sadly. Take care. James |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Denise, Thank you for understanding how hard this was to write and for taking the time to read and comment. James, You are very sweet, thank you for you wishes, and thank you for your devine understanding. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
This is so sad  |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
hoot, It means alot to know that you read this. Thank you |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
hoot, It means alot to know that you read this. Thank you Butterflies don't cry Are they more blessed than I? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Butterfly... You've done a wonderful job here. I'd like to share with you a poem that was written by my daughter, Stacie.. She was probably about 16 or 17 when she wrote this - along the same theme as yours... by Stacia Ness Copper Love ~ Copper Care Sitting on his dresser there. He loved us so with all his might, Came home late but tucked us in tight. Catch a smile with such a glow ~ So small with more love than you'll ever know. A walk in the afternoon Or watch the flowering sunset 'til moon, A movie or a late night show ~ Does he see we love him so? He can not change but only regret All the wasted years we've spent. If we could go back to the day he could spare His Copper Love and his Copper Care. We love you, Dad |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Nan, Thank you so much that was such a wonderful poem!! I loved it and it reminds me much of the man that I call my dad, one in a million is he, he worked so hard for all of us but always made sure to let us know in his own way that we were loved....took me a while to realize that one ...with age come insight. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Oh...you can't see this emotion here in me but I'll tell you Butterfly, it's welled up and spilled over with that one...reminds me of myself and my children...heartbreaking *face in hands* |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
P.S. I'm so sorry for the heartache in you and for your children. *angel wing hugs* to you and your family. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Butterfly, Your poem floats like a buterfly But stings like a bee. Beautiful. *L* Sy |
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