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Passions in Poetry

I Waited........

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Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


0 posted 03-14-2000 10:31 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

I Waited....

You walked away
To let me grow
But why you stayed away
I'll never know.

I kept waiting to see
a glimpse of you,
waiting for you to want me
and make my dream come true.

I waited on my birthday
for the Pony you would bring.
I waited there at bedtime
for the song that you would sing.

I waited at the bus stop
for the smiling tears.
I waited at my prom
for you to calm the fears.

I waited at my driving class
to see your white knuckle grip.
I waited at my first broken heart
for you to provide the stiff upper lip.

I waited at my graduation
To see you standing proud.
I waited without hesitation
to hear you clap so loud.

I waited dressed in white
for you to give my hand.
I waited after a labored night
to call you "grand dad"

I waited but you never came
I prayed to no avail
My needing never tamed
and the never ending tale.

Now my wait is through
I realize it must be.
My dream won't come true
and more waiting I'll not see.

I guess you never heard me
or maybe it was a bother.
Couldn't you see
All I wanted was to call you
..............................
..............................
My Father.

© Copyright 2000 Butterflies_dont_cry - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 03-14-2000 10:34 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

butterfly you break my heart with this one...
you write your pain so perfectly...thank god we have our poetry to help us cope...
I relate to this one in many ways...
take care, jm

 Now for me some words come easy
But I know that they don't mean that much
Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch
You never knew what I loved in you
I don't know what you loved in me
Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be
jackson browne


Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


2 posted 03-14-2000 10:36 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

This is touching Butterflies_dont_cry. Excellent work.
jazzgal
Junior Member
since 03-07-2000
Posts 38


3 posted 03-14-2000 10:50 PM       View Profile for jazzgal   Email jazzgal   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for jazzgal

This is just an amazing poem... I mean, it is so true and i can feel that it is right from the heart.  I want to say "Bravo", but that's not the word to describe this one... I'll just say, you just described something that I could never put into words... what a talent!
May
mariee66
Senior Member
since 01-30-2000
Posts 621
Recess, OfYourMind


4 posted 03-14-2000 10:59 PM       View Profile for mariee66   Email mariee66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mariee66

Simply bittersweet~
I can relate to this, sadly~
Excellent work~
Marie~


 "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." The Bard

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


5 posted 03-14-2000 11:07 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

JM,  I'm so glad you understood this poem, not so glad that you relate to it, I offer a hand of friendship to one so like myself.

Mistikman, Thank you VERY much  

May,  Thank you for you understanding and praise.

Mariee,  I'm so sorry for the pain that you have endured and thank you for reading.

To All:  This poem was very hard to put into words.  But, now that I have I'm glad I did, Another locked door has been opened
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


6 posted 03-14-2000 11:32 PM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

Having a father but not having a dad is a tough pill to swallow ... I guess I should feel lucky ... my dad was never there either
but I know that it was because of extream shyness ... I think there's a phobia for it

Rex}<{{{{o>
CrazyChick
Member
since 01-05-2000
Posts 134


7 posted 03-15-2000 01:33 AM       View Profile for CrazyChick   Email CrazyChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CrazyChick

Its so hard to go through life without your parents there for you. You did a great job with this poem. I wish you the best of luck!  
bboog
Member
since 02-29-2000
Posts 307
Valencia, California


8 posted 03-15-2000 03:00 AM       View Profile for bboog   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit bboog's Home Page   View IP for bboog

Butterfly~ this is a sweet poem that I think you should consider working on and honing in on the meter. I think that there are a lot of people who could relate to this poem, but in order to get it published, you'll have to find a meter that you like and stick with it.
What I mean by this, is that in line one, you have a 4 syllable count and then in line 9 you have a 7 syllable count. So to some of us readers, it seems off.  I suggest that you stick with a 6 or 7 syllable rhythm, as it seems to be easier (more natural) for you.
   With that in mind, for example, your first stanza could read,

The reason you walked away,
You said, was to let me grow.
But why you chose to stay away,
From me, that I'll never know.

I guess what I'm saying is if you try to be a little more consistent in your rhythm, I think this poem would be even better than it is. And it is good, don't get me wrong. I just think you should try to make it even bbetter.
best regards,
bboog
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


9 posted 03-15-2000 03:37 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

ButterfliesDC~

What heart-wrenching love and longing is here in this piece written from your heart.
It is a PERFECT poetic piece because it comes from deep within.
~*Marge*~





 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


10 posted 03-15-2000 06:18 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Rex,
Thank you, and you are right there is a big differece between a dad and a father  

CC,
Thank you, and yes it is  

Bboog,
Thank you for your tips, I'll see what I can do, I apprciate the advice.

Marge,
Thank you.....you are so sweet  
EagleOne
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...


11 posted 03-15-2000 08:22 AM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

As always you speak from the heart Your words are written with such honesty and feeling one cannot help but to feel your emotions.
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


12 posted 03-15-2000 09:41 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Oh my, this is heart-wrenching.  Very powerful wording of a very sad subject.  I know many in here will relate to this one.  Beautifully done.


Michael
mete out
Member
since 02-16-2000
Posts 273
england


13 posted 03-15-2000 10:31 AM       View Profile for mete out   Email mete out   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mete out

***Butterflies,
God, this killed me.
I can, in a small way, relate to this poem...it's not that my dad doesn't care, he just has a bit too many incapabilities.
You'r work is of such a high standard and is so beautiful and full of such truth.
However much pain you are dealing within your work, it will always be a pleasure to read.....


 I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


14 posted 03-15-2000 04:14 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

EagleOne,
My dear sweet honest friend I'm so glad that you liked it.  You coments mean so much to me, thank you.

Michael,
Thank you, I'm very pleased that you thought it was beautifully done...I was beginning to wonder if I had really screwed it up...lol I guess my heart has never heard of a meter count so I guess I'll leave it the way it is and count on the next one.

Mete,
Coming from you and after reading your own beautiful poetry it means alot to hear from you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


15 posted 03-15-2000 07:07 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is so sadly touching, Butterflies. Heart wrenching.

Denise
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


16 posted 03-15-2000 07:11 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Deep sorrow from a disappointed heart...I only wish this did not have to be.   You have expressed each disappointment so clearly and so sadly.  Take care.   James
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


17 posted 03-15-2000 08:56 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Denise,
Thank you for understanding how hard this was to write and for taking the time to read and comment.

James,
You are very sweet, thank you for you wishes, and thank you for your devine understanding.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


18 posted 03-15-2000 09:46 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

This is so sad  
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


19 posted 03-15-2000 09:49 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

hoot,
It means alot to know that you read this. Thank you  
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


20 posted 03-15-2000 09:49 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

hoot,
It means alot to know that you read this. Thank you  


 Butterflies don't cry
Are they more blessed than I?
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


21 posted 03-16-2000 07:22 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Butterfly... You've done a wonderful job here.  I'd like to share with you a poem that was written by my daughter, Stacie.. She was probably about 16 or 17 when she wrote this - along the same theme as yours...

Copper Care
by Stacia Ness

Copper Love ~ Copper Care
Sitting on his dresser there.
He loved us so with all his might,
Came home late but tucked us in tight.
Catch a smile with such a glow ~
So small with more love than you'll ever know.
A walk in the afternoon
Or watch the flowering sunset 'til moon,
A movie or a late night show ~
Does he see we love him so?
He can not change but only regret
All the wasted years we've spent.
If we could go back to the day he could spare
His Copper Love and his Copper Care.

We love you, Dad
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


22 posted 03-16-2000 10:26 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

Nan,
Thank you so much that was such a wonderful poem!! I loved it and it reminds me much of the man that I call my dad, one in a million is he, he worked so hard for all of us but always made sure to let us know in his own way that we were loved....took me a while to realize that one  ...with age come insight.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


23 posted 03-16-2000 10:45 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

Oh...you can't see this emotion here in me but I'll tell you Butterfly, it's welled up and spilled over with that one...reminds me of myself and my children...heartbreaking *face in hands*
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


24 posted 03-16-2000 10:51 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

P.S.
I'm so sorry for the heartache in you and for your children.  *angel wing hugs* to you and your family.
 
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