I feel as if this is my ultimate deadline,
That if I don't stop hurting now, I will hurt
These tears, these scars, this anger can no longer
pass for emotion;
They are weaknessess.
By now I should be in control of myself,
By now I should be able to smile.
All I feel is frustration at this pathetic excuse for writing,
Why has it left me?
I am engulfed by pain and fear-
But in a time when all I should feel is joy and
I feel like I'm leaning on you too hard,
But I don't want to tell you for fear that you'll
And pull me off and let me drop.
I'm so scared of hurting you.
I can't bear the thought of being the weight on
Or of being the one who holds you back.
I want to, need to, HAVE to get through this ,
But, again, I am scared; of what I will become,
Will I be me if this pain lessens?
Will I be me if these scars fade?
Will I be me if I feel,(dare I say it), content?
This is it.
If I make this milestone I can be here for you as
you have been for me,
But if I don't
I might as well say goodbye,
Because being with me will be a walking nightmare,
I'll be a disease you wish you could leave far below,
But I will try (not cry),
And with you by my side,
I will make it.
áI am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.
[This message has been edited by mete out (edited 03-13-2000).]