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Passions in Poetry

Monochromatic

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Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


0 posted 03-13-2000 02:34 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Christopher

~Monochromatic~



Pale(d) mem'ries
   o' jaded past
                (passed)
adorned
    in o'ershadowed
           greys
   replete in fringed
               anticipation
   weathering-
   a wondered "will?"
   fraught nervous(ness)
     at forseen
plenitude
   o' desired
                   commiseration
         carelessly
careening
      neath one anxious heart;
                        a-fluttered
on fate-tugged
    wings
             o' plated steel
                           (steal)
       whisp'ring
    silence
   slicing
     storm-stained
            skies
        searching
    destinations
              port.
© Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved
Michael
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Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


1 posted 03-13-2000 04:14 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Uh, me thinks Destination Port is somewhere just passed that Road to Nowhere Gen was taking...  Let me know if you find it before I do.  btw, this was ver colorful for being so darn "monochromatic".  Great poem.


Michael
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


2 posted 03-13-2000 04:47 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

WOW!

OK - so obviously I'm not the only one getting into a bit more experimentation here...

All in all - the techniques you use here work very well - I love this:

on fate-tugged
    wings
             o' plated steel
                           (steal)
      
and I find your use of the apostrophe (such as in whisp'ring) very interesting - a little disconcerting definitely, yet it provides a challenge to the reader.

Yep - I's approves!

K


 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


3 posted 03-13-2000 09:09 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Well then, isn't this the interesting little ditty...?  

First off, I have to say that the way you played with words (past/passed, steel/steal) was very clever, especially since the play on words actually PERTAINED to the theme of the poem -- I have seen SO many that don't!

Next, I am not a big fan of alliteration as it often appears obvious, but "weathering a wondered 'will'" and "silence slicing storm-stained skies" flowed nicely and were, in my not-so-humble opinion, as close to brilliant as I'll ever admit you've come. hehehe

The last part of my comment will be, appropriately, about the ending; "searching destination's port" wrapped this up nicely in that it didn't REALLY wrap it up ... sort of like a fading note into the distance.  Leaves you wondering, as I believe was your intent (and you know I'm never wrong)...

-Me



 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


4 posted 03-13-2000 09:32 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

I love the way you are playing with your reader in this piece. Definately makes one think. Very well done my friend.  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


5 posted 03-13-2000 09:38 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Extreamly clever...this one begs for publication  
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


6 posted 03-13-2000 09:59 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Chris,
Good technique, good words, good thoughts, good poem. Enjoyed the read.
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


7 posted 03-13-2000 10:16 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

With each poem, I see growth.
You aren't afraid to experiment,
nor are you afraid to play with words.

You will probably always push the bounderies,
something most of us will never even conceive.

And that is meant as a high compliment, Christopher.

Corinne
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


8 posted 03-13-2000 10:19 AM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

****Applause*****
Colorful and elusive, so much like the poet himself, the true color is felt through the heart. To perceive visually gives only one dimension of what we seek, easily deceived but you captured the rest of the dimensions.
I'm once again the recipient of your natural inclination to capture the essence of beauty. Thank you!!
Now need I say....
****ENCORE*****

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


9 posted 03-13-2000 10:56 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Christopher~
My God (gawd) this is brilliant !
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


10 posted 03-14-2000 04:10 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Michael - The point was in the irony my friend!

Kamla - I'm SO glad you approve! LOL, Thank you, you know your opinion is valued! Yes, I'm experimenting... another such as this is in the dark forum - Fain An' I Should See - Check it out!    

Kess - I don't know what to say... uhh... I really don't know how to respond to actual "niceness!"    

Marilyn - I love doing just that, as you know... thank you!    

Ruth - You think so? Perhaps...  

Seymor - Thank you for the read and comment!    

Corinne - Wow! Now that's a compliment! But remember, the only reason we can't do something, is because we've convinced ourselves that we can't!    

Butterflies - Wow! Now you've made me *blush*!!! Thank you for the high compliments, I'm so glad you appreciate my efforts!!! Through you, they've been made successful!

Marge - My god (gawd) you're making my ego bulge!!!    






[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 03-14-2000).]
 
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