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Passions in Poetry

A Fragile Blossom

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INclan
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since 07-20-99
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Indiana, USA


0 posted 03-12-2000 06:05 PM       View Profile for INclan   Email INclan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for INclan


You came to me
A fragile blossom
In my hand
I watched you
Bloom
© Copyright 2000 KKunnen - All Rights Reserved
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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1 posted 03-12-2000 06:22 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is beautiful, Inclan! Very lovely!

Denise
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
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Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 03-12-2000 07:01 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Inclan~
Very, very pretty indeed.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Diana B
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since 03-10-2000
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3 posted 03-12-2000 07:35 PM       View Profile for Diana B   Email Diana B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Diana B

most delicate image
bboog
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since 02-29-2000
Posts 307
Valencia, California


4 posted 03-12-2000 07:49 PM       View Profile for bboog   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit bboog's Home Page   View IP for bboog

INclan~
  I don't mean any disrespect, but I think that there are some (unintentional) sexual connotations here. You might want to keep it in mind or possibly rewrite it.
bboog
INclan
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since 07-20-99
Posts 1046
Indiana, USA


5 posted 03-12-2000 08:41 PM       View Profile for INclan   Email INclan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for INclan

Thank you, dsnyder, Marge, and Diana, for your kind remarks. I am glad you liked it.

bboog, no disrespect taken....the connotations are all there and completely intentional. This was my first attempt at a Tanka.  I elected to keep the 5 lines but ignore the classical 5-7-5-7-7 meter. Beyond that, my goal was to delicately say "it" without saying "it". Did I succeed? In my opinion, to be any more explicit would require publication in the Adult Forum.

INclan
Joannak
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since 03-11-2000
Posts 121
Indiana, USA


6 posted 03-13-2000 11:04 PM       View Profile for Joannak   Email Joannak   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joannak

Beautiful, but don't forget...
fragile blooms are easily crushed.

Please be gentle with this blossom.

Joanna
bboog
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since 02-29-2000
Posts 307
Valencia, California


7 posted 03-14-2000 01:53 PM       View Profile for bboog   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit bboog's Home Page   View IP for bboog

INclan~ I was trying to suggest that you should rewrite it, more  subtly, as it seems awkward (not as beautiful) as I think it could be ~ the idea is good. Refining will make it better. This is only my opinion, obviously you are free to keep it as it stands, if that is what you want.
bboog
 
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