I Traded in My Straight Jacket for a Suit and Tie
I'm out on the street now, out of the 'stute
where I lived for about 10 years.
My straight jacket's gone. I traded it in.
I guess I've changed careers.
The day I escaped, I decided to stop
by a tavern along the road.
But I didn't have cash and I wanted a brew
to lighten up my load.
This guy at the bar was some kinda star
and he bought me a whiskey and beer.
I can't quite remember how much that I drank,
but it got my old mind in gear.
I soon started thinkin' about the old days
before I had lost my head
and ended up on old "Stute Row
(well, better there, than dead!)
So, I'm sitting in this tavern, see,
and talking to some dude
who's talking 'bout some "bits and bytes"
acting sorta rude
by turning his head and laughing outloud
when I say, "Are you going to eat?"
He answers like this, "You're such an old man!
What brought you off the street?"
He starts to explain that his friend is insane
and he talks to him on ICQ.
I ask him if he's got a hit he can spare
or possibly even two.
"Before I went into the 'stute," I say,
"My friends were all on LSD.
But I'd be quite willing to try ICQ
if you'd spare a hit for me."
This jerk looked at me like I had 3 heads
and told me to leave Justin Kace.
I said, "That's my brother! Do you know him?"
And he punched me in the face.
Well after that, I was feeling quite poor
so I got up and hitched me a ride.
To a town I won't mention in case the white suits
are still looking for me far and wide.
I got there in tact, with my shoes on my feet
and a small little flask of wine
I'd managed to bum from a girl on the street
who was walking a straight line.
There were so many cop cars with so many lights
as I was walking by her...
she slipped me the flask that she'd recently hid
behind the left front tire.
And when I got into this town by the sea
there was nowhere I could find to sleep.
So I cuddled right up to a light post in front
of the library in a heep.
The sun soon came up and this lady was staring
at me through her glasses so thick.
She said, "Old man, do you need help?"
And I answered, "Yes! Please! Quick!"
She said that she handled the filing of books
at the library (she was the clerk).
And asked me if I was in need of some funds
and asked if I wanted to work.
Of course I agreed! What else could I do?
My bed at the 'stute was long gone.
And so I have traded my straight jacket
for this suit that I put on.
The next time I stop by this bulletin board
I'll tell you about what I do.
But if you have read all of this up to now,
I'm sure you are glad that you're through.
So, suffice to say, I traded my whites
for a suit made of tweed with a tie.
And I'm hoping to find myself one small hit
of some sweet ICQ, by and by.
aka Leonardo DaVinci