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I Saw Stars
| Open Poetry #6 |
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I Saw Stars |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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I SAW STARS I walked outside last night, Saw stars across the skies. Heaven was opened bright, Very much to my surprise. First time in thirty days, I could feel that yearning. That leaves the eyes aglaze, The heart open and burning. The clouds had finally broken Revealing the crescent moon. To free the wish unspoken To the stars brilliantly strewn. A spectacle aslope, Set to ease a timeless sorrow. A billion glints of Hope I might see the sun tomorrow. Where by God's guiding hand, Or but wistful Fate, agleam, Last night I saw stars and... I remembered how to dream. Michael Anderson [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 03-10-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
It is amazing how the weather can effect our emotional state. When I can see the stars and feel the sunshine on my face, I am lightened. When the clouds cover the sky and it is dark for days, my mood falls into the depths. Spring is almost here and I praise it's arrival. Well written and I am glad you can see the possiblity of dreams again. Bravo my friend.  |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Michael, This is beautiful, and gives me a breath of fresh air to know things are getting better. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Now I'm jealous Michael, I've been working so much that I haven't had a chance to stargaze....*sigh* I'll have to make a point to do that tonight...scince you've gone and inspired me and all!!!  Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Michael...it's nice to be able to dream once more isn't it. The numbness is wearing off now and the senses have now started to come back to life. Enjoy the newness of things my friend and enjoy life once more |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
I liked this stanza... The clouds had finally broken Revealing the crescent moon. To free the wish unspoken To the stars brilliantly strewn. I was out late last night and saw that same crescent moon here in new orleans. I almost wrote a poem too, but drinks kept coming...yadda yadda yadda.... I always like your poems like everyone else here too. |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Dear Micheal This is a lovely poem. It's always beautiful to go outside and to virtually loose conciousness of body situation by staring into the night sky letting our minds leap away absorbed in the beauty...keeping dreaming always... Poeminister "...no single sound too rude Upon thy slumber shall intrude, Our thoughts, our souls- O God above! In every deed shall mingle, love." --Edgar Allan Poe (from Serenade) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I saw the title and expected to read that someone smacked you! LOL Seriously, this is a lovely poem. It's as clear as the night sky that you witnessed. As lovely as the stars you viewed. And as hopeful as your wish...good one! |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
wow my two favorite things stars and poetry, not to mention your almost magical way with words so beautiful ~*Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~ |
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angel girl Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 322within a whisper... |
How can you write so good and so much as well? Anyways, this is really good. Your words paint a beautiful picture. [This message has been edited by angel girl (edited 03-10-2000).] |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Stars are beautiful, aren't they? Glad you're seeing some too. My email is down, has been all morning, says they're upgrading, HA! I'll leave you a note tonight, as I'm leaving town - and actually heading your way! No joke! I have family there, and am visiting them. Thought I'd drop in on you and Chris this weekend, but I think nah... Will be in touch before I go. Gen |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Brilliant poetry, Michael What a perfect source of wonder and hope, the night sky. What a perfect poem from an amazing poet We marveled at the same crescent moon here in Flodida last night Pepper and Liz |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
so very sensitive...i loved a "billion glints of hope" nice read |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Not only the sun, but the stars are shinning on you too!!!!Glad to hear your soul is healing! I loved the poem as always!!!!"Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O,no! it is an ever-fixed mark....William Shakespeare |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Michael~ 'Last night I saw stars and ... I remembered how to dream.' I smile ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
It's like breaking a fever, isn't it? So incredibly happy for you! |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Michael: I'm new here so don't hate me for what I'm going to say, simply that I think this one is good, but could use another rewrite. Currently, for example, the first stanza reads: I walked outside last night, Saw stars across the skies. Heaven was opened bright, Very much to my surprise I think it might be better if it went something like: I walked outside last night, Nothing was going right, Very much to my surprise Saw stars across the skies. the other stanza that didn't seem to fit was this one: A spectacle aslope, Set to ease a timeless sorrow. A billion glints of Hope I might see the sun tomorrow. Perhaps it's just me, but the word "aslope" seems out of place. "A billion glints of hope" is ok, but then the very last line, "I remembered how to dream" seems (to me) out of touch. "I had a feeling that what is wanting in my life is going to happen" is (I think) what you want to say, which brings the speaker back to hope. "I wished upon a dream?" I don't know if this makes sense to you at all, but it's meant to make you think about the poem, not you. best regards, bboog |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
...and there's no stopping you now, is there?? |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Michael Beautiful simply beauiful. I am so happy that things are starting to look up for you. As always I wish you nothing but lots of happiness. Take care. AMY |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
See, what he forgot to tell everyone, is that since he lives so close to Hollywood, the stars he saw were the two legged kind! His dreams are of being with Pam Anderson! That's the star he saw! Good Mike! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Michael, I'm really glad to see that the clouds have dissipated and skies are once again clear.....ah, the wonder of time. Nice writing. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Marilyn, it is amazing...last night was like the lifting of a veil. (I was wondering though if perhaps it was my mood having effect on the weather - been some thirty days of rain and clouds)...Coincidence? Gloria, me too... devina, Glad I could be the one inspiring you for a change... Rith, you are so right about the senses...like having a complete body cast removed. JML, drink one for me next time...and I'll write you another poem. Poeminister, 'twas like staring straight through to heaven last...my poem does little justice to the feeling. PdV...Yeah I had Rogger Rabbit images going through my head when I titled it...LOL For all intents and purposes, something did smack me last night. Starrgazer - two of my favorites as well...they can make quite the combo. angel girl, I don't know what compells my pen...it's gotta be gettin' low on ink I would think... Gen, the stars are very special for me. Did you know that some of the stars we see actually have burned out many years ago? They just shined so bright that we still can catch the essance. I just wonder if one as such can still catch our wishes... Pepper, oh to be able to see that moon - and the stars so clearly too - was an incredible muse...glad you caught a glimpse too. Diana B, glad you enjoyed. A Romantic Heart, The sun was shining today. Ah, yes - "healing" is good... Marge Right back at ya...serenity, indeed...a very apt description. Nan - No way at all... Aimster - How was your trip? I am so glad to see you've come back. Thank you. Chris, you're exactly right - 'twas like a billion Pamela Andersons...now you know why I can't get that smile off my face...LOL bboog, I don't normally care to justify my poetry to anybody - but I feel a special need in this case...I will give you a reply in just a bit. That you each and all for the kind replies. Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 03-10-2000).] |
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Deb Lynne Member
since 1999-08-19
Posts 180Where blue skies meet blue ocean |
Michael, you write what is in your heart & it is always beautiful. Whether it "sounds better this way or that" doesn't matter. It's how it makes you feel just to write it. Write on, my friend, and we'll keep reading! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
bboog you would have me change the first stanza to: I walked outside last night, Nothing was going right, Very much to my surprise Saw stars across the skies. from: I walked outside last night, Saw stars across the skies. Heaven was opened bright, Very much to my surprise. A. "Nothing was going right," has nothing to do with the poem or my mood as it stood last night. That is purely an accessment on your part. B. I don't know if my referance to "heaven" offends you in some way, but the view I caught last night was a glimpse of heaven for me - they don't come very often in this smog filled town I live in... C. You're changing the rhyme scheme and in all truthfullness - that's not very poetic to me... If you are gonna offer critique, that is fine in my book and always apppreciated, but at least take as much care in your offering as I have in preparing the poem. Now then, you have a problem with the word "aslope" - well does the universe not refract before us... I wasn't staring at a "flat" portrait but a vast sloping universe last night - I truly don't know why this word seems out of place to you. O.K. In regards to your comment: ("I remembered how to dream" seems (to me) out of touch. "I had a feeling that what is wanting in my life is going to happen" is (I think) what you want to say, which brings the speaker back to hope. "I wished upon a dream?" I don't know if this makes sense to you at all, but it's meant to make you think about the poem, not you). There was nothing wanting in my life before last night - thus no dream. Again you assume. So I'm not really sure where you come up with me "wishing on a dream." Just to catch the stars so brilliantly as they were displayed last night, (after some thirty days of not seeing a one) was hope that maybe I might see the sun tomorrrow - literally, if not metaphorically. Therein where nothing was "wanting" in my life before (and I was cold) - maybe I would feel the sun tomorrow, again - literally, if not metaphorically. I hope I have clarified your questions a little. I might also add that you being new here might not catch half of the "neccessary" poetic refrerances I place in any of my poems. If one were to take the time to read through my works - you would find my poetry is like an interlocking jigsaw puzzle - with many titles and key phrazes referred to within the whole structure. To fully grasp this piece, there are at least three other poems I made direct referance to and lest you were someone I wrote those poems to personally, I would not expect you to catch them, nor undersatnd them. That is the beauty of poetic liscense, is it not? Thank you, Michael |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Coincidence Michael? I believe there are few things in this life that are coincidence. There is always a reason and a purpose even if we do not see it. The weather turned cold and dark here today. Freezing rain and some snow. (I wonder if that is why my heart feels so chilled tonight?) |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Balladeer & Deb, You all snook in on me while I was replying... I apologize for not recognizing you. Balladeer, Time is a wonder in itself, isn't it? Deb, don't worry - they'll bury me with this pen I'm sure - it's grafted into my hand me thinks... Marilyn,  I am sorry to hear that. But as you say, there is a reson for everything even if we don't see it at the time. Your sunshine awaits you, I know it does. Thank you all, Michael |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
WOOOHOOOO!! A poem of hope and uplifting! Way to GO! Imagery, imagery I saw those stars and that hope, and the moon, and WOW! |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Michael...If we still catch their essance, then I do believe they can still catch our wishes...As long as there is light, then there is hope. (I'm starting to sound real intelligent of late, don't you agree?) Hey, I left a message on Chris' new poem about you two...you should read! LOL SLEEP TIGHT! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Gen, that went way beyond intelligent and landed somewhere in the philosophical me thinks. You've been eating those Chinese fortune cookies again, haven't you? But yes, I wholeheartedly agree. Michael |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
I must say that this poem stands a very close second to another I read from you some time ago. Perhaps though it is the most uplifting and is indeed completing your cycle. Good job defending your poem and politely explaining why it is as it is. Oh and yes, I have made apologies to Gen for my intrusion, not knowing how convoluted and integral the poetic pieces were to your past relationship. We have made peace, and now do not want you to think I am a boob as well. (my 'considering' line was confrontational and inapproprite for this setting or in life in general) |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
ROFL at Bowie being a Boob....  Actually Mr. Bowie, you've helped us all laugh a bit, considering! Remember? I am no longer Fatal, and Michael carries antidote now! to Michael... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Michael this poem is so full of beauty and hope. James |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Michael: I appreciated your defense of your work but I find myself in agreement with bboog on a few points. I liked bboog's suggestion of substituting something along the lines of "Nothing was going right" for "Heaven was opened bright". You say that "Nothing was going right" has nothing to do with you poem, yet you include: "First time in thirty days, I could feel that yearning." "The clouds had finally broken" "A spectacle aslope, Set to ease a timeless sorrow." "Last night I saw stars and... I remembered how to dream." I think it is very reasonable to interpret the times before this ecstatic experience as times when "Nothing was going right." If, truly, "Nothing was going right" has nothing to do with your poem then, perhaps, you may want to clarify what exactly your state of mind was before this experience. I don't think bboog "assumed" that "Nothing was going right", I think he reached that conclusion based upon your wording. "C. You're changing the rhyme scheme and in all truthfullness - that's not very poetic to me... If you are gonna offer critique, that is fine in my book and always apppreciated, but at least take as much care in your offering as I have in preparing the poem." I personally think this was unfair of you to say. There is nothing "unpoetic" about rhyming couplets, btw, unless you consider Blake's and Shakespeare's works to be unpoetic. I also think, because your meter is sporadic, that rhyming couplets would allow the poem to read easier. I also think bboog put more time into reading this than most who replied and much more than for which you give him credit. You should be more appreciative of that. His criticism was constructive and "If you are gonna offer critique ... at least take as much care in your offering as I have in preparing the poem" was out of line, in my humble opinion. "Aslope" seemed out of place to me too. Aslope means "sloping" or "slanting" when used as an adjective. I would think "expansive" or "vast" would be better words to describe what I gather you saw from the rest of your poem. "Refract", by the way means "to break up". "There was nothing wanting in my life before last night - thus no dream." or "First time in thirty days, I could feel that yearning. That leaves the eyes aglaze, The heart open and burning." Your life wasn't "wanting" for that "yearning"? Why am I confused? "To fully grasp this piece, there are at least three other poems I made direct referance to and lest you were someone I wrote those poems to personally, I would not expect you to catch them, nor undersatnd them. That is the beauty of poetic liscense, is it not?" Actually, the beauty of poetry is being able to make someone see what you saw and feel what you felt with your words. Maybe I just have difficulty recognizing your plethora of poetic nuances that you utilize in your writing. Vague allusions to prior works do not help your poem, Michael. So I agree with bboog in that you ought to consider a rewrite. JMHO. Regards, Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 03-11-2000).] |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Jim Just a few quick notes - glad I gaught this before I got out the - uh, I think. First off, I apologize I don't have time to get into this formally with you. On "Nothing was going right" being suggested as a line. A. First off, it wasn't as if that was the case in my life. More like "nothing going at all". I could accept that. If I were to examine my mood I would say it lacked luster, but I would also say I was very comfortable where I was in it, that has been my life as an abused child and a clinically depressed adult. Truly, I felt nothing and I view "Nothing was going right" as a negative phrase that in no way refelcts my mood which was numb, if anything. B. I will ~stress~ the importance of including the word heaven. Heaven is a word I dearly wanted included in this poem - that line happened to be the first off my pen. "Heaven" is what I saw, (the first word that came to mind) when I walked out the door... and that was the jist of this whole poem. The hope of heaven if you will. Changing this line to the suggested one changes the whole aspect as well as the whole tone of the poem. C. "First time in thirty days, I could feel that yearning." "The clouds had finally broken" Those are literal truths in a poem I wrote to run on two planes. One being "metaphorically" while mainting the "literal" aspect. The stars call to me - being the first time in thirty actual days I saw them - and so clearly to boot - yes there was a yearning. "Truth" is very important to me on any plane I write on...If it's not true to this author - this author is not gonna be comfortable penning it. "A spectacle aslope, Set to ease a timeless sorrow." "Last night I saw stars and... I remembered how to dream." "Timeless sorrow" is a referance to my depression - my longstanding inability to feel joy (Again, that doens't have to mean something's wrong...) as well as a poetic referance to another poem by the same title. Read that and you will find my unspoken wish as well. "Remembered how to dream" is another poetic referance to a poem entitled "Forgotten Dream", again the inclusion of this phraze was very important to me. It served it's purpose of an uplifting, inspiring ending, as well as the satisfaction I drew from it in personal referance. I know this might sound selfish but I write for "myself". If my poetry isn't serving my emotion truly - I doubt I could effectly offer my emotion to others. I may not die a famous poet but I will die true to myself and not in the shadows of the countless nameless poets who sold out on their emotion for the sake of sylable counting. In my opinion, too much attention is given to society's demand, I think this is because few can define their "own" demands. I know what I want to produce in my poetry, and I'm truly sorry it doen't meet "the rules of pefrect poetry" but then if I wanted wanted to be perfect to begin with, I'd be posting in C.A. I express and release "my" emotion in my works. I wouldn't quell that for anybody, nor any rule, nor change it because my emotion is misunderstood. Now then, you say: I personally think this was unfair of you to say. There is nothing "unpoetic" about rhyming couplets, btw, unless you consider Blake's and Shakespeare's works to be unpoetic. I also think, because your meter is sporadic, that rhyming couplets would allow the poem to read easier. A. you misinterpreted my commment. I could have worded it better if I had said: "You're changing the rhyme scheme and in all truthfullness the phraze you offer is not very poetic to me..." Truthfully it's not. "Nothing was going right" not only bring so much negativity to a poem where I tried to maintain a positive aspect all the way through, but the line itself just read flat to me. I like my words to sing to the reader and not sound like I'm throwing a pity party or writing a bad country song. Please don't take that as a slam, but that was the first thing I thought of when I saw that line. (My honest opinion, only) B. Meter and rhyme scheme I hold and two different planes. I don't "personally" see where my meter would be improved by changing the rhyme scheme or why you think the poem would flow better there. I played guitar in a band and wrote songs for three years. Thus, I don't always keep details on exact meter, but believe me, I pay attention to flow, even so... Thus again, is why I say I like my poems to sing..."If I can't hear myself singing it" I sure ain't writing it. O.K. I also think bboog put more time into reading this than most who replied and much more than for which you give him credit. You should be more appreciative of that. His criticism was constructive and "If you are gonna offer critique ... at least take as much care in your offering as I have in preparing the poem" was out of line, in my humble opinion. You have no arguement from me there. Bboog, my sincerest apologies. My "defences" were up last night already when I happened onto your critique. Most assuredly I do thank you, for not many do offer critique here on any level. It is most welcome, I assure you. O.K. You say: "Aslope" seemed out of place to me too. Aslope means "sloping" or "slanting" when used as an adjective. I would think "expansive" or "vast" would be better words to describe what I gather you saw from the rest of your poem. "Refract", by the way means "to break up". And what happens to light when it refracts? my dictionary says and I'll quote: " Refract - a bending (as in a ray of light) in passing from one medium to another". - Therein isn't "aslope" an accurate accessment? I realize refract can also mean to break up - but Jim, trust me when I say I just don't grasp at words when I write, or explain myself. I choose me words carefully, that is probably why the "defense" mode kicked in whe both you and Bboog question the word "aslope". Also, since you were bringing up "poetic" qualities - "A spectacle aslope" carries alliteration... and almost double alliteration. Both effectively work to the flow of the poem and I implore as often as I can in most my works. I could also get long winded and philosophical on the contour of the universe itself - I don't have time to go there today. Rest assure, I know the meanings of aslope and refract both. In answer of your remaining questions - I stand firm that I had no wanting in my life. Awakening to an ability to want in itself would accuratley describe myself and my mood in stepping outside and writing a simple poem at such a refreshing view. Perhaps I could say something was not right in my life to please you but then, I'd have to say it's been wrong for the "whole" of my life since my own personal age of recognition which was roughly the age of 5. although I walked numb to the world - I walked the best I could - "something was right" about it I'm sure. I apologize if you find this poem vague. If you saw my view, felt my mood, you would understand completely. You would also know that any and all poetic referances in no way hinder the message of this poem. I don't see need for a rewrite, here. Thanks for the indepth reply Jim. I won't have time to wait for a rebuttle but go ahead and write one if you wish, i will be back Monday most likely. And thank you too, Bboog, once again. Sincerely Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 03-11-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
No rebuttals, merely offering critique (as apposed to inviting debate). Good answers, but I stand by my opinions. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I usually don't get such a breathtaking view of the stars in the city.....they sound so beautiful....perhaps it's time for a trip to the Planetarium! Awesome! You feel like you are floating in space! That's what your poem brought back to my memory! Thank you! Denise |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
To Michael: I think I know how you feel - that you've written a solid piece of writing. And many people have felt the same way as you, defending their present good work. What I've found, however, is that sometimes when you receive a critique from someone like me, a person who hasn't read your past works or who has even written poetry for as long as you, that it can often improve the work. Also, thank you to Jim for his analysis and coming to my defense. I often give my first reaction, which may or not please the author, but it's meant to improve the work and not disrespect the author. best regards, bboog |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
In the sky, there is always hope.... |
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