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Passions in Poetry

Surface Alive

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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


0 posted 03-10-2000 06:56 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Severn

Surface under me
        the floor walks across
               my stifled mobility

here a ray crosses
        my face as sunlit-stolen
                words never leave my mouth

perhaps
          there is a rent
to the loudness
          a step to take

but I silence past it
          my resonance shaking
only inside
          tongue stilled I hide
as life times on

a-whirl
       and I unmotioned
                 and undone
give in
          to the freeze
a tidy polite
          piece of damaged mind

a move of feet
     I cannot make
          so the floor walks beyond me

             surface
         alive

       breathing heavier
    than I
this shadowed shadow of a life

© Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


1 posted 03-10-2000 07:50 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Wow, Severn...

The ultimate in depression is that total immobilization, the numbness that seizes all from you...

Your writing is awesome, my friend.

Corinne
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 03-10-2000 08:16 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Kamla~

   Astonishing.
   Brilliantly
   Crafted.
   Deeply
   Evoking.
   Fact-
   Grasping
   Honesty
   In
   Just
   Kamla's
   Little
   Mind.
   Now
   On
   Parade.
   Quite
   Resoundly
   Sent
   Toward
   Unifying
   Victory
   Within.
   X-raying
   Yon
   Zenith.

From the ABC's of it ...
I like the way your mind works.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 03-10-2000 09:34 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Wow...powerful piece my friend. Well written.  
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 03-10-2000 11:41 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Wow!  Kamla, this whole piece is astonishing--the floor walks beyond me---I can feel this like a nightmare--this is packed full of your talent for writing feeling.  
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


5 posted 03-10-2000 07:02 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

.....and the hits keep right on rolling. You're awesome, my pal.
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


6 posted 03-10-2000 10:37 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Soul-Sis, You are an awesome number ya know...  this piece is powerful and I love the way you use your words. Excellent!   *hugs*

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Raintime
New Member
since 01-31-2000
Posts 3
New York


7 posted 03-11-2000 12:36 AM       View Profile for Raintime   Email Raintime   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Raintime

Hi Severn.
Thank you for the opportunity to read this dense and wonderfully crafted poem. I particularly enjoy the conflict you portray between the 'active' pole of some external influence and the 'passive' (or is that 'acted upon') voice of the poem. I think it is fair to say that your voice will never "... give in / to the freeze ...". I look forward to reading more.
R.T
Poertree
Senior Member
since 11-05-1999
Posts 1413
UK


8 posted 03-12-2000 06:43 AM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

Lady K

I'd like to say I like this, and I willingly concede that, viewed objectively (which is impossible ...lol) it is up to your usual excellence.  

With an excess of subjectivity however, maybe I would have to say that magnificent lines like:

"a tidy polite piece of damaged mind.."

were a mite disturbing.

You have a unique and sometimes unnerving power in your writing K, and when turned to poems like this it can be quite .... well...  bothering !

Take care .....

Sir P (lol ... I hate that... do I HAVE to put up with it???!!)




hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


9 posted 03-12-2000 10:49 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

A striking poem...well done  
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


10 posted 03-12-2000 07:06 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Just wanted to read this one again Sweet Butterfly,Your writing is superb, your talent for writing is astonishing. had to reply again  
oh and woohoooo  5 weeks to go yes indeed!  


 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


11 posted 03-12-2000 07:22 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Intense and powerful, Severn. Excellent writing, as usual!

Denise
Diana B
Member
since 03-10-2000
Posts 99


12 posted 03-12-2000 07:28 PM       View Profile for Diana B   Email Diana B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Diana B

powerful and haunting piece of work...the structure of the poem also increases the intensity.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


13 posted 03-13-2000 06:01 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Corinne - my friend. Yes - I guess so. Luckily this is not a permanent state for me, but I would hate to live with this on a day to day basis. thanks.  

Marge(y) - that you would incorporate me into a whole alphabet is just so cool! Thankyou again - for yet another privilege you have given me. (And it is entirely mutual, wonderful minded person)

Marilyn - thankyou!  

Martie - thanks hon...you know your work does that to me too - shows me all of your feeling.

'deer - and thanks for the blush...  

Soul sis - hugs and thankyous (for your support too)

RT - you know, you have written that almost like you know me, thanks.

Sir P (yes - continue to suffer....   So, my friend, disturbing huh? Well...lets see...hmmm - I am just thrilled at the compliment of 'unnerving power' - that is really amazing. And actually - the whole disturbing thing is not distressing for me, for I like to capture a range of emotions and intents when I write - and as this is a distressed poem I obviously succeeded! Yay!

Ruth - thanks my friend.  

Maree - wahoo indeed!!!! Thanks hon - your faith in me helps you know...

Denise - why thankyou...that is so nice of you to say.

Diana - thanks. I appreciate your read of this.

  K



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath


[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 03-13-2000).]
 
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