please read, help me with a title. =)

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Open Poetry #6

please read, help me with a title. =)

Travis
Junior Member

since 1999-06-14

Posts 17

0 posted 2000-03-10 01:27 AM

Can you see what lies beneath...
The disguise and mask I wear?
Daily I dress in this façade,
For it hides the sadness there.

Hides the tears that never end,
Covers my body as it trembles with fear.
Fear that my love has left forever,
Stolen from me, the last which is dear.

The cloak wears heavy upon me,
Symbolic of the burden I bear.
So full in length, it wraps my chest,
Hiding the scars that I must wear.

So it is, behind the disguise and mask.
The handsome physique, you will not see.
But of a broken man, forever cursed,
By the only woman so loved by he.

Travis

Enola
Member

since 2000-02-11

Posts 138
England

1 posted 2000-03-10 09:13 AM

I know the feeling all too well. I know the saying is such a cliche, but time heals all wounds - and in your case will peel off the mask you hide behind. Have faith, keep writing and life will get better, I promise. It's taken me almost seven months now, but every day is better than the last.

The tragedy of it is that nobody sees the look of desperation on my face. Thousands and thousands of us, and we're passing one another without a look of recognition.

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

2 posted 2000-03-10 09:19 AM

How about Cloak of Loss? Or Love Love?

And, there is more love out there, my friend, to be found, once you let go of lost love.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2000-03-10 09:31 AM

Beautifully done. I feel your pain as well as my own in this piece. As for a title...Beneath the Mask or Cloaked. Titled escape me at times as well.

StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

4 posted 2000-03-10 04:08 PM

very nice

~*Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~

First__Knight
Senior Member

since 1999-11-08

Posts 678

5 posted 2000-03-10 07:49 PM

Very nice in the writing.....All have had good titles.........Here is mine.....maybe call it. "Under the Surface"

There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. Drive it like you stole it.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2000-03-10 08:14 PM

Travis~

First of all ... this is
a haunting piece of work.
You do not cloak the hurt so well.

I would suggest the title of:
'So Loved By He'
for I see beyond the mask.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

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