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Passions in Poetry

Self Adressed

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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


0 posted 03-09-2000 11:38 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Kevin

The wind blew through the house with ease
the door swung with each gust
and there alone slow danced the breeze
among the gathered dust

the haze brought forth by afternoon
peered through the window pane,
met eyes with furniture in rune
long since, carefully lain

A withered rose upon the sill
wept softly to itself
with petals lost and fallen still
upon the sun dried shelf

And hallowed house that begged for night
to shroud its emptiness
bore only words that came to write
years before in distress

They spoke of dreams that had been lost
They spoke of tears since cried
Times when aside a man was tossed
and to himself had lied.

The note it seemed was not addressed
it never spoke a name
just left upon the table, pressed
so tightly into frame.

A letter written only to
the keeper of the pen
sealed tightly with envelope glue
never opened again

But to the one who toiled long
struggling what to say.
The note was sent where it belonged:
"Iíve gone to see the world today."
© Copyright 2000 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 03-08-2000
Posts 1705
Here, Now, Forever


1 posted 03-09-2000 11:47 PM       View Profile for EagleScorpion   Email EagleScorpion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleScorpion

Quaint. Crisp. Refreshing. Kudos, fellow keeper of the pen
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


2 posted 03-09-2000 11:51 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

"and there alone slow danced the breeze
among the gathered dust"

Kevin, this is outstanding poetry...not just the line I quoted (as that was the one that most pulled at me) but the piece in its entirety...a painfully delicate work, this. Your sense of meter and phrasing is wonderful, by the way.

~ Claire

[This message has been edited by Meadowmuse (edited 03-09-2000).]
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 03-09-2000 11:55 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Good writing, Kevin. You've given this a good atmosphere which adds a great deal to the words. Nicely done.
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


4 posted 03-09-2000 11:58 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Kevin, This one was a big wow right from the start. I ditto what Claire said.
The Poetic stylings of Sir Kevin.
Bravo! again. I gotta get a new term.

Parker
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


5 posted 03-10-2000 12:19 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Kevin~
My God !  This is brilliant.
Truly the best of any I've seen
of yours.
I do not say it lightly ...
wonderfully, wonderfully done.
Your inkwell is full to overflowing.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Marina
Member Elite
since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


6 posted 03-10-2000 12:27 AM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

Kevin a wonderful poem with imagery and depth. I like your style of writing.

Marina
Compgirl
Member
since 02-19-2000
Posts 88
USA


7 posted 03-10-2000 01:17 AM       View Profile for Compgirl   Email Compgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Compgirl

I am finding it hard to express my words for this piece. It was so wonderfull. There is not one line that stands out, there are just too many. GREAT writing my dear..just spectacular!!
bboog
Member
since 02-29-2000
Posts 307
Valencia, California


8 posted 03-10-2000 01:25 AM       View Profile for bboog   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit bboog's Home Page   View IP for bboog

Kevin: this seemed too choppy for my tastes. The lines: to shroud its emptiness
bore only words that came to write
years before in distress
seemed out of sync. Good ideas, I think I know what you're trying to say, but you need to rewrite and keep at it. Try to keep the same meter.
best of luck to you,
bboog
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


9 posted 03-10-2000 02:22 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Kevin, don't rewrite this, its got a great flow. Meadowmuse should know. Some styles begged to be re-metered and yours is not one of them I might add.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


10 posted 03-10-2000 04:30 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

This is very very nice, Kevin - a most enjoyable read.



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


11 posted 03-10-2000 05:10 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

I really enjoyed reading this.   James
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


12 posted 03-10-2000 07:00 AM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kevin

Thanks so much guys, i was trying add a little balladeer flavor to my writing =)

use my feelings in a story, looks like it worked,

and the meter is not perfect =) ill noodle with it, thanks again
 
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