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Passions in Poetry

failings, leavings

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
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0 posted 03-08-2000 11:45 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

-failings, leavings-
Music washes over this body
But doesn't cleanse it.
Too many old pores
Just breathing it in.
Someone I once respected
Just changed her name to her best friend's.
I'm assuming that means she'd rather hold
Someone else's mistakes inside
Until it warps her mind.
Or maybe she actually believes
It'd be great to be whom we adore.
Automatic dolls. Rising and falling on cue.
What should we do?

My failings are many and consistent:
I'm too tall, too young, too independent,
Too wanting in needs I can't fulfill.
Oh well.

I place my trust in quiet rust. Pursuing lust
And finding a broken crust coloring the dust.
Pursuing faith and finding chains to break my legs.
Pursuing love and scorching myself on dead coals.
Do you want to touch my burns?
Will it make you learn?
It hasn't helped me any.

It's so pathetic, it's almost funny.
Automatic minds. Automatic dummies.
I guess if I could only find a purpose that wasn't worthless.
Something more than wet genitals and
broken bread.
I hope, somewhere, a peace of mind exists.
And if not, could you please ram it into my head
So my thoughts won't be unclosed fists of dread?

I appreciate it in advance.
And if you won't do that, could you maybe
Lance all the unfinished lists of wishes away?
Fragmented and unknown memories, lost kisses, moments when you cannot pray,
Only bray in the clay despite the brightening tinge of day.

Or, maybe, maybe, please,
Maybe maybe please could you
Just go away?

© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 03-09-2000 03:36 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Scathing, intense, and painful.  It absolutely hurts to read you sometimes.
bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 03-09-2000 11:42 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Which probably goes to explain the one reply.  

Mike
EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 03-08-2000
Posts 1705
Here, Now, Forever


3 posted 03-10-2000 12:07 AM       View Profile for EagleScorpion   Email EagleScorpion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleScorpion

this poem hurts so good
bsquirrel
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4 posted 03-10-2000 12:41 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, E.S. That comment made me smile. So did imagining what an EagleScorpion must look like. Double thanks.  

Mike
Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


5 posted 03-10-2000 01:03 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Mike~
Nope ... won't do it !
Nope ... not going away !
Deal with it ...
I like this !
So there !
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


6 posted 03-10-2000 01:15 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

You know - I am really beginning to look forward to your poetry - I do so like your writing style.

This is intense and excellent - very strong.

Hope you don't mind if I ask you a question?

Have you thought about not starting most of the lines with a capital letter but flowing to one sentence to another?  

I just feel that this poem has such flow and strength and the capital letters slightly interrupt that.

~Shrug~ Just a thought.

Well done!!

K

 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


7 posted 03-11-2000 02:22 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, Marge. And you're welcome to stay, despite what the last stanza says. Just don't change your name.  

Severn,
Thank you for enjoying (and anticipating) my work. That's always a nice thing to read. And regarding the capitalization thing, thanks for the idea. You'll notice in this poem, though, I intentionally had everything capitalized except broken bread, to give that more weight. I'm always goofing around with punctation, spellings, word order, capitalization, whatever else in at least a few of my poems. I like to try and break through the constraints of language, while still using it. Did I lose you? I'm not very coherent tonight.

Mike
Mike

 
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