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Open Poetry #6
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failings, leavings
| Open Poetry #6 |
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failings, leavings |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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-failings, leavings- Music washes over this body But doesn't cleanse it. Too many old pores Just breathing it in. Someone I once respected Just changed her name to her best friend's. I'm assuming that means she'd rather hold Someone else's mistakes inside Until it warps her mind. Or maybe she actually believes It'd be great to be whom we adore. Automatic dolls. Rising and falling on cue. What should we do? My failings are many and consistent: I'm too tall, too young, too independent, Too wanting in needs I can't fulfill. Oh well. I place my trust in quiet rust. Pursuing lust And finding a broken crust coloring the dust. Pursuing faith and finding chains to break my legs. Pursuing love and scorching myself on dead coals. Do you want to touch my burns? Will it make you learn? It hasn't helped me any. It's so pathetic, it's almost funny. Automatic minds. Automatic dummies. I guess if I could only find a purpose that wasn't worthless. Something more than wet genitals and broken bread. I hope, somewhere, a peace of mind exists. And if not, could you please ram it into my head So my thoughts won't be unclosed fists of dread? I appreciate it in advance. And if you won't do that, could you maybe Lance all the unfinished lists of wishes away? Fragmented and unknown memories, lost kisses, moments when you cannot pray, Only bray in the clay despite the brightening tinge of day. Or, maybe, maybe, please, Maybe maybe please could you Just go away? |
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| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Scathing, intense, and painful. It absolutely hurts to read you sometimes. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Which probably goes to explain the one reply.  Mike |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
this poem hurts so good |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, E.S. That comment made me smile. So did imagining what an EagleScorpion must look like. Double thanks. Mike |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mike~ Nope ... won't do it ! Nope ... not going away ! Deal with it ... I like this ! So there ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You know - I am really beginning to look forward to your poetry - I do so like your writing style. This is intense and excellent - very strong. Hope you don't mind if I ask you a question? Have you thought about not starting most of the lines with a capital letter but flowing to one sentence to another? I just feel that this poem has such flow and strength and the capital letters slightly interrupt that. ~Shrug~ Just a thought. Well done!! K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Marge. And you're welcome to stay, despite what the last stanza says. Just don't change your name. Severn, Thank you for enjoying (and anticipating) my work. That's always a nice thing to read. And regarding the capitalization thing, thanks for the idea. You'll notice in this poem, though, I intentionally had everything capitalized except broken bread, to give that more weight. I'm always goofing around with punctation, spellings, word order, capitalization, whatever else in at least a few of my poems. I like to try and break through the constraints of language, while still using it. Did I lose you? I'm not very coherent tonight. Mike Mike |
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