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pharon
Member
since 11-13-1999
Posts 251
alabama


0 posted 03-08-2000 02:58 PM       View Profile for pharon   Email pharon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit pharon's Home Page   View IP for pharon

hey all!  i am a fairly new poet and would like some 'contructive' criticism(s/p) anyway -- here's my latest......

     Empty

sitting here alone
i watch all the faces,
the empty faces walking by.
i wonder who they are,
what they're thinking,
behind those empty stares.
some glance my way
and give a little smile.
none dare to stop.
that would be
too much of a risk,
then we might start talking
that would ruin everything!
they wouldn't be able to hide
behind those empty faces.
© Copyright 2000 maria g robinson - All Rights Reserved
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


1 posted 03-08-2000 03:12 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

Nice piece I think.  Interesting perspective on those "faces" that walk by,  by the thousands.  I have often wondered similar things.  One of the nice things about Passions is our ability to be expressive and enjoy reading other's poetry and getting to know them through creative writing without knowing them personally.  Good way to make a first impression and lasting impression.

I like this piece the way you have written it. I think the impact of your thoughts reached your pen.
Well done.  and Welcome.

poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


2 posted 03-08-2000 04:27 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

hehe  Funny how you said that "talking ruins everything".....that can be sooo true!  LOL  I've met some "brilliant" people, and would still hold them dear to me, had I just not have had to deal with them one on one!  hehe  Once we met - BOOM!  Instant calamity!  hehehe  I like your perception, your thoughts.  Danny gave you a real good reply, and I echo all he said.  Welcome to Passions...feel free to share all your thoughts with us.  I think you'll find it's a nice place to be.  
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 03-08-2000 07:08 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

This is good, but I have  personal preference for caps when necessary... Welcome to the family!  
 
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