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Passions in Poetry

New Poet Seeking Constructive Critisism

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yelimS
New Member
since 03-07-2000
Posts 4


0 posted 03-07-2000 11:22 PM       View Profile for yelimS   Email yelimS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for yelimS

Hello everyone, I have just started creating poems, here is one of my works that came to me when I thought of a beautiful young lady at my school

Your face is so beautiful
Your eyes are so wonderful
Your hair looks so cute
Your smile is so meriful
     For you my heart will pound
     You are like a treasure I have found
     If for one day you could be mine
     The garden of love would forever twine
© Copyright 2000 yelimS - All Rights Reserved
mete out
Member
since 02-16-2000
Posts 273
england


1 posted 03-08-2000 11:25 AM       View Profile for mete out   Email mete out   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mete out

***Yelim,
This is  a really sweet poem, I really liked it...

Welcome to Passions and keep on writing.
Thankyou for sharing this.    



 I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


2 posted 03-08-2000 12:27 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

yelimS~ this is very very sweet! You did great. Keep it up!  - SEA
EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 03-08-2000
Posts 1705
Here, Now, Forever


3 posted 03-08-2000 01:56 PM       View Profile for EagleScorpion   Email EagleScorpion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleScorpion

Not too shabby, you definately have a future in poetry.
mystery
Member
since 02-21-2000
Posts 84


4 posted 03-08-2000 02:09 PM       View Profile for mystery   Email mystery   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mystery

short, sweet and to the point, Welcome to Passions!
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


5 posted 03-08-2000 02:21 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

yelimS, very nice, I say stick it on her locker, keep them wondering.

Parker
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


6 posted 03-08-2000 03:23 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Oh yes, you are off to a good start in this garden of love.  I think you are captivated by her beauty.    James
yelimS
New Member
since 03-07-2000
Posts 4


7 posted 03-09-2000 06:53 PM       View Profile for yelimS   Email yelimS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for yelimS

Thank you very much for your wonderful comments, they are very appreciated.  It is weird, a lot of people come to me and tell me how I am hot and everything, and how nice of a person I am, but when I go for that girl I like, it seems those are always the ones that aren't interested
15z_guardian_angel
New Member
since 03-09-2000
Posts 3
Toronto,Ontario,Canada


8 posted 03-09-2000 08:08 PM       View Profile for 15z_guardian_angel   Email 15z_guardian_angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for 15z_guardian_angel

very sweet & cute...i'm a newbie too and seems like ur doing a lot better then me so far!! good job!!

 
 
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