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Passions in Poetry

Time

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eyesplus2
Member
since 03-02-2000
Posts 163
australia


0 posted 03-06-2000 12:55 AM       View Profile for eyesplus2   Email eyesplus2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for eyesplus2


....tic....tock....tic....tock..........the time goes on........beat....beat.......the heart beats..........the time of our life....follows the beat of the clock......but the time of our love follows the beat of our hearts.......never ending...........beating together as one beat.........the beat of life.........the beat of joy....the beat of happiness....the beat of love......I love you so........tic....tock......beat.......beat........

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


1 posted 03-06-2000 09:51 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

I'm going to suggest the same thing on this one...your poetry makes a great deal of sense, but as it is presented is hard to deal with...again, perhaps try something like:

tic tock
tic tock
the time goes on

beat beat
beat beat
the heart beats

the time of our life
follows the beat of the clock
but the time of our love
follows the beat of our hearts

never ending
beating together as one beat
the beat of life
the beat of joy
the beat of happiness
the beat of love

I love you so
tic tock
beat beat

 
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