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Open Poetry #6
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my love waits for me
| Open Poetry #6 |
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my love waits for me |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209
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I had a love, once, she thought… and she sighed with sadness at the memory of that spring day when they told her he was no more. He filled my heart to overflowing with a love so exciting each and every moment together was shiny and new a love so comfortable we were friends even before we met that one chance meeting of our eyes and trust was born, penetration by sight. a love that knew me without my having to say a word, a love that wanted the me he could see just as much as the one that was deep inside of me a love who was patient and kind, a love who found comfort in the beating of my heart and cried to kiss the evidence of too much hard work on my hands a man whose smile captured the sun… and she stopped and softly smiled and shook her head vowing grief no more she held her hand to her chest… he is mine still he but waits for me |
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| © Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Corazon- your name means "heart" in Spanish, right? A heart-felt poem too. Suggestion: perhaps remove "sighed" and replace it with "recalled" ? (At a poetry class I attended many years ago, the instructor would take his red pen out to poems using "sigh" and "soul".)(He claimed these words are overused in poetry) However, this is YOUR poem and I'm only repeating a suggestion that was given to me. best of luck, bboog |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
This is amazing! "a man whose smile captured the sun". I'm sighing over here! |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
There is beauty in every line...I had a love once, like that...but that was a long time ago. Your poem made me cry, for all the right reasons. Thank you. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Corazon~ I recall a sigh as deep as this. It lives still in my heart as a memory I'd never want to give up. 'vowing grief no more she held her hand to her chest… he is mine still he but waits for me' Yes ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
A beautiful poem, Corazon. I felt the loe and the longing. Some things are worth waiting for, then some things are worth waiting forevr for... I felt the latter in this piece. Michael |
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AnthonyEV1 Junior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 17St. Charles, IL, USA |
That was a GREAT poem with a lot of good wording. Keep up the good work and I'll be checking to see if you add any more in the future.  |
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MyPenNameIsSam Member
since 2000-03-06
Posts 94usa |
beautiful poem... absolutely beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and evoked a beautiful hopeful feeling. I loved it. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
This is a poem to drift in. Well done. 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Very serene Corazon... HuggsZzzz [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 03-06-2000).] |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very beautiful, you write with a heart very much like my own |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
thank you all so much, this year has been made easier by being able to write it out, and by sharing with all of you |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is beautiful, Corazon... a love so rare will always be a part of you... but I'm glad the healing is beginning. *S* |
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