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Passions in Poetry

my love waits for me

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Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


0 posted 03-05-2000 03:43 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Corazon


I had a love, once, she thought…
and she sighed
with sadness at the memory
of that spring day
when they told her he was no more.
He filled my heart to overflowing
with a love so exciting
each and every moment together
was shiny and new
a love so comfortable
we were friends even before we met
that one chance meeting of our eyes
and trust was born, penetration by sight.
a love that knew me
without my having to say a word,
a love that wanted the me he could see
just as much as the one that was
deep inside of me
a love who was patient
and kind, a love who found comfort
in the beating of my heart
and cried to kiss the evidence
of too much hard work on my hands
a man whose smile
captured the sun…
and she stopped and softly smiled
and shook her head
vowing grief no more
she held her hand
to her chest…
he is mine still
he but waits
for me

© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
bboog
Member
since 02-29-2000
Posts 307
Valencia, California


1 posted 03-05-2000 05:04 PM       View Profile for bboog   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit bboog's Home Page   View IP for bboog

Corazon- your name means "heart" in Spanish, right? A heart-felt poem too. Suggestion: perhaps remove "sighed" and replace it with "recalled" ? (At a poetry class I attended many years ago, the instructor would take his red pen out to poems using "sigh" and "soul".)(He claimed these words are overused in poetry) However, this is YOUR poem and I'm only repeating a suggestion that was given to me.
best of luck,
bboog
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


2 posted 03-05-2000 10:38 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

This is amazing!  "a man whose smile
captured the sun".  I'm sighing over here!
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 03-05-2000 11:31 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

There is beauty in every line...I had a love once, like that...but that was a long time ago. Your poem made me cry, for all the right reasons. Thank you.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


4 posted 03-06-2000 12:22 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Corazon~
I recall a sigh as deep as this.
It lives still in my heart as a memory
I'd never want to give up.

'vowing grief no more
she held her hand
to her chest…
he is mine still
he but waits
for me'

Yes !
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


5 posted 03-06-2000 02:21 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

A beautiful poem, Corazon.  I felt the loe and the longing.  Some things are worth waiting for, then some things are worth waiting forevr for... I felt the latter in this piece.


Michael
AnthonyEV1
Junior Member
since 03-05-2000
Posts 17
St. Charles, IL, USA


6 posted 03-06-2000 04:10 AM       View Profile for AnthonyEV1   Email AnthonyEV1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit AnthonyEV1's Home Page   View IP for AnthonyEV1

That was a GREAT poem with a lot of good wording. Keep up the good work and I'll be checking to see if you add any more in the future.  
MyPenNameIsSam
Member
since 03-06-2000
Posts 94
usa


7 posted 03-06-2000 04:23 AM       View Profile for MyPenNameIsSam   Email MyPenNameIsSam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MyPenNameIsSam

beautiful poem... absolutely beautiful.  It brought tears to my eyes and evoked a beautiful hopeful feeling.  I loved it.  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


8 posted 03-06-2000 05:39 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

This is a poem to drift in.

Well done.



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


9 posted 03-06-2000 09:26 AM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

Very serene Corazon...

HuggsZzzz

[This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 03-06-2000).]
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


10 posted 03-06-2000 10:08 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very beautiful, you write with a heart very much like my own  
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


11 posted 03-06-2000 10:12 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

thank you all so much, this year has been made easier by being able to write it out, and by sharing with all of you  
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


12 posted 03-09-2000 11:50 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

This is beautiful, Corazon... a love so rare will always be a part of you... but I'm glad the healing is beginning. *S*
Corazon will be notified of replies
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