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Passions in Poetry

Nashville

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CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


0 posted 03-05-2000 02:21 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for CMGrimm

I spent the night
in a cheap hotel
on cheap sheets
in a cheap town
curled up next to a bottle
and a cheap woman
named Sally.

I only know her name is Sally
because I read it on her
nametag when I picked her
up outside of the Dairy Queen
in my old battered Dodge truck
and drove her here.

She thought I was a record producer.

After a couple drinks and a few
laughs we slowly worked our
way out of our clothes and into the
old cheap bed that still had one
of those tacky vibrating mechanisms
underneath of it and the quarter slot
to feed the toothjarring monster built
into the wall just above the headboard.
(it stole my quarter)

I finished off the last of the cheap bottle
and quickly did the things I needed
to do to make myself feel like a man
and wished Ms. Sally well and told her
goodnight and that i'd call her and all
the other horrible lies you tell a
woman in a cheap hotel in a cheap town
after you've used her and left her lying on
cheap sheets with an empty bottle of cheap whiskey.

I laid a 20 on the dresser as I went out the door.

Couldn't have her walking home now could I?




 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
© Copyright 2000 Christopher M. Grimm - All Rights Reserved
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


1 posted 03-05-2000 02:23 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

this poem is not meant to offend or degrade anyone at all..it simply tells a story that happens many times over every day in our real world.  I only mean to point out a major disfunction in our world, this is not something I would ever do or be proud of having done, but it does happen.  Im just telling a story.

THanks...chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 03-05-2000 02:53 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

ChrisG~
I didn't find it tawdry at all.
It is fact, indisputable fact.
I like the way it's told ...
forthright and without the
color of lies.
(sorry 'bout your quarter)  
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


3 posted 03-05-2000 03:07 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

Thanks Marge....coming from someone with as much talent and passion as you have that makes me feel really good to know that you read me.

Thanks

Chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 03-05-2000 08:23 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Chris...you do have a way with words. The images are very easily to visualize as you have written them. Geesh.....you need to get some stuff out to a publisher, hear me?  
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


5 posted 03-05-2000 09:49 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

A slice of life indeed...I could almost see the darkened room..lit only by a flashing neon sign...good one....
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


6 posted 03-05-2000 10:06 AM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Great story telling here!

Corinne
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


7 posted 03-05-2000 11:51 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

A sad tale well told, Chris! I enjoyed this one!

Denise
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


8 posted 03-05-2000 10:41 PM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

Thanks everyone....I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read me....

Chris


[This message has been edited by CMGrimm (edited 03-06-2000).]
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


9 posted 03-06-2000 07:09 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

And thanks Ruth....that is a tremendous compliment...thank you.

Chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


10 posted 03-06-2000 07:15 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

I think the late of emotive adjectives adds to the despair and pathetic (in the true sense) sense I get from this - and that to me means a poem well written.

Well done indeed.



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


11 posted 03-06-2000 07:21 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

Thanks Severn......
Usually Im not one to overuse adjectives but I've been experimenting with new styles and techniques as late and it seems that it works really well in some situations.
Try reading this aloud and not pausing at the linebreaks....it makes for an interesting live-read piece.

Chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
Nurse Crachet
Member
since 09-27-1999
Posts 321
They know where I am!


12 posted 03-06-2000 07:28 AM       View Profile for Nurse Crachet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nurse Crachet

I read this first to myself then I did as you suggested to Severn and read it out load, and let me tell you both ways it is fabulous, you captured a sad event (that does take place often)with much class in writing. I agree with Ruth look into getting published you are talented.
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


13 posted 03-06-2000 02:47 PM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

Thanks Nurse Cratchet....Im looking into that...but the real world is a harsh place and unless my name is King or Grisham or Rice publishers don't take much faith in a 25yr old boy from KY writing poetry and stage drama...I'll keep trying anyway.
Thanks for the wonderful compliments on this and all of my other pieces.

Chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.
Snow
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 10-16-2000
Posts 1174
desert flower looking for rain


14 posted 07-22-2004 12:47 AM       View Profile for Snow   Email Snow   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Snow's Home Page   View IP for Snow

i pretty much always read work outloud... this was a fantastic read. you have a firm grip on being able to show us something without losing anything in the telling .. i love that.
i know this is what... 4yrs old.. but don't let age keep you from reaching out there and finding someone to publish your work. the right fit is out there for you, as far as a publisher is concerned... if you haven't already found one.

i'm glad you replied to me tonight, only for the simple fact... that it had me go looking for your own work !


snow

"yet each man kills the thing he loves
by each let this be heard,
some do it with a bitter look,
some with a flattering word"
oscar wilde

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


15 posted 01-16-2006 02:52 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

enjoyed this write..has the sound of an old black & white movie where the detective is doing the narration..

I know, I've picked you out of the crowd in the last few days..I do that..I'm having a cmgrimm fest right now..lol  enjoying..

Hey, Are you still looking to publish?  You should! I like your style..(I'd like to publish too, but have no clue where to start...)  

hugs, g

"We of the craft are all crazy...all are more or less touched."  Lord Byron

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