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Open Poetry #6
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Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209


0 posted 2000-03-02 03:17 PM



we made quite a confection
the two of us did
there was a layer of you
and a layer of me, and
you were always the sweetness
so you got to be the icing
we took turns at decorating
together we were pretty
for all to see
best friends, you and me
and sure
it was my idea
to put the candle on the top
but I surely wish now
we hadn't lit the match,
the wick disguised a fuse.

I had thought us perfect
just the way we were
but your ego needed me
to burn for you, and my
chill factor world craved
your heat
much too much
and now there's bits
and pieces
of you
all mixed up with what's left
of me
and the icing...
the icing hurts my teeth.


[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 03-02-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
1 posted 2000-03-02 03:25 PM


Unsual and creative analogy, make an interesting read. Well written.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
2 posted 2000-03-02 03:38 PM


With my incredible and infamous suckey timing, I would have to read this just as I'm starting to make a cake with icing so disgustingly sweet I cringe just to think of it! LOL. (But it's for someone special... and I just make it, I don't eat it! LOL)

Oh... back to the poem. *G* This is superb... sometimes the relationships that look prettiest are just an explosion waiting to happen... too bad they don't come with tags warning us of shrapnel danger.

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

3 posted 2000-03-02 03:52 PM


lol@your timing...lucky for me, I really don't like frosting much...cept the whip cream kind...oh...now that I could eat a whole bowl...lol...oh...back to the poem...thanks  

thanks septsong...wrote it last night, no cakes in sight, not even sure where the analogy came from  

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
4 posted 2000-03-02 04:06 PM


I'm glad I don't eat cake... but its better than pie in the face... nice job corazon...
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA
5 posted 2000-03-02 04:08 PM


I love this! From perfection to disaster, such is the way of some relationships and baking expeditions (especially mine!).  My favorite lines: "but I surely wish now we hadn't lit the match, the wick disguised a fuse" and "and now there's bits and pieces
of you all mixed up with what's left of me".



 It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley



RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
6 posted 2000-03-02 05:33 PM


and there goes my theory of being the icing on the cake, still, I guess if you don't have your own teeth it could still be true..*g*

oh, back to the poem and those chattering teeth...what a vision..LOL

HUSG

 I dropped a tear in the ocean
when it is found, I will stop loving you...

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

7 posted 2000-03-03 09:15 AM


LR...well whip creme pie could be fun *g*...thanks

tara, thank you  

rg...lol...you can still be the icing...you are plenty sweet enough to qualify  

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
8 posted 2000-03-03 09:20 AM


This was certainly a joy to read. You have a very creative mind, and use it well.
Liz

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
9 posted 2000-03-03 10:52 AM


Corazon,
Fine mind, excellent, enjoyed the read.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

10 posted 2000-03-03 01:16 PM


Very creative, Corazon! Well done!

Denise

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
11 posted 2000-03-03 03:57 PM


Girl...you need to get this stuff out to some publishers....not that we all don't enjoy it here, but your work needs to be shared with more than us  
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
12 posted 2000-03-03 06:04 PM


Sweet deception.  Great poem, Corazon.  The last line impacts the entire piece.  Wonderful work.


Michael

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
13 posted 2000-03-03 08:52 PM


Battered relationships are so sad! Uh, battered..get it? Battered!! hehe....er, I'm going back to my coma now  


The poem is excellently written. You say so much in so many different ways.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

14 posted 2000-03-04 02:35 AM


Ugh, that's a pun even *I* won't touch. Anyway, great work Corazon. You stuck an image, both sweetly and sickly, into my mind. With your obvious mind power, you've already got the first tool needed to setting yourself down a better, or at least more fulfulling, path. Keep it up!

Mike

January Flowers
Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 209
South Carolina
15 posted 2000-03-06 08:35 PM


Corazon~
This is so very interesting...
I'll remember this poem with every candle I blow out!
Liked the analogy much.

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