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Passions in Poetry

don't light the candle

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Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


0 posted 03-02-2000 03:17 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Corazon


we made quite a confection
the two of us did
there was a layer of you
and a layer of me, and
you were always the sweetness
so you got to be the icing
we took turns at decorating
together we were pretty
for all to see
best friends, you and me
and sure
it was my idea
to put the candle on the top
but I surely wish now
we hadn't lit the match,
the wick disguised a fuse.

I had thought us perfect
just the way we were
but your ego needed me
to burn for you, and my
chill factor world craved
your heat
much too much
and now there's bits
and pieces
of you
all mixed up with what's left
of me
and the icing...
the icing hurts my teeth.


[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 03-02-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
Songbird
Member Elite
since 12-15-1999
Posts 2211
California


1 posted 03-02-2000 03:25 PM       View Profile for Songbird   Email Songbird   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Songbird's Home Page   View IP for Songbird

Unsual and creative analogy, make an interesting read. Well written.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


2 posted 03-02-2000 03:38 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

With my incredible and infamous suckey timing, I would have to read this just as I'm starting to make a cake with icing so disgustingly sweet I cringe just to think of it! LOL. (But it's for someone special... and I just make it, I don't eat it! LOL)

Oh... back to the poem. *G* This is superb... sometimes the relationships that look prettiest are just an explosion waiting to happen... too bad they don't come with tags warning us of shrapnel danger.
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


3 posted 03-02-2000 03:52 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

lol@your timing...lucky for me, I really don't like frosting much...cept the whip cream kind...oh...now that I could eat a whole bowl...lol...oh...back to the poem...thanks  

thanks septsong...wrote it last night, no cakes in sight, not even sure where the analogy came from  
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


4 posted 03-02-2000 04:06 PM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

I'm glad I don't eat cake... but its better than pie in the face... nice job corazon...
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


5 posted 03-02-2000 04:08 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

I love this! From perfection to disaster, such is the way of some relationships and baking expeditions (especially mine!).  My favorite lines: "but I surely wish now we hadn't lit the match, the wick disguised a fuse" and "and now there's bits and pieces
of you all mixed up with what's left of me".



 It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


6 posted 03-02-2000 05:33 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

and there goes my theory of being the icing on the cake, still, I guess if you don't have your own teeth it could still be true..*g*

oh, back to the poem and those chattering teeth...what a vision..LOL

HUSG

 I dropped a tear in the ocean
when it is found, I will stop loving you...
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


7 posted 03-03-2000 09:15 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

LR...well whip creme pie could be fun *g*...thanks

tara, thank you  

rg...lol...you can still be the icing...you are plenty sweet enough to qualify  
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


8 posted 03-03-2000 09:20 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

This was certainly a joy to read. You have a very creative mind, and use it well.
Liz
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


9 posted 03-03-2000 10:52 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Corazon,
Fine mind, excellent, enjoyed the read.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 03-03-2000 01:16 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Very creative, Corazon! Well done!

Denise
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


11 posted 03-03-2000 03:57 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Girl...you need to get this stuff out to some publishers....not that we all don't enjoy it here, but your work needs to be shared with more than us  
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


12 posted 03-03-2000 06:04 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Sweet deception.  Great poem, Corazon.  The last line impacts the entire piece.  Wonderful work.


Michael
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


13 posted 03-03-2000 08:52 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Battered relationships are so sad! Uh, battered..get it? Battered!! hehe....er, I'm going back to my coma now  


The poem is excellently written. You say so much in so many different ways.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


14 posted 03-04-2000 02:35 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Ugh, that's a pun even *I* won't touch. Anyway, great work Corazon. You stuck an image, both sweetly and sickly, into my mind. With your obvious mind power, you've already got the first tool needed to setting yourself down a better, or at least more fulfulling, path. Keep it up!

Mike
January Flowers
Member
since 02-01-2000
Posts 217
South Carolina


15 posted 03-06-2000 08:35 PM       View Profile for January Flowers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for January Flowers

Corazon~
This is so very interesting...
I'll remember this poem with every candle I blow out!
Liked the analogy much.
Corazon will be notified of replies
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