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Open Poetry #6
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Wild Rhythm
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Wild Rhythm |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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The rhythm is a haunting a flow forceful of you and immersed I watch tasting on your trail beating softly chords and walking unaware of any sky but your covering and how I hear the temptation to breathe your eyes Here I stand alone so quietly unhidden your wild light falls and I glow with darkness in my footsteps moving on to clutch a moment but a kiss of time just a swirl you flit on past me shivering in the flush of your dance |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Sweet Butterfly, The beauty within you shines through your poetry....A beautiful piece indeed!! WOW!! "sigh"  < !signature-->What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 03-01-2000).] |
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January Flowers Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 209South Carolina |
Well, Severn...THIS IS GREAT IN THE WORDS USED but I'm having trouble deciphering... There are some poems, you just read and get the story. Some, are a bit more heavy with symbolism, and I find them so tasty. Some poems are way out there in left field and you wonder what the poet was thinking (if at all) when composing such a thing. THIS poem, you have written, intrigues me. I have read it 3 times...and each time has left me with an different, but same, feeling. In poems where I have to dig into ME a little to understand them, I surely have a process to help, as I'm sure many of my fellow poets in here do to. First- I loved the title. That always sucks me in first. And the use of "wild" and "rhythm" together was an instant catcher for me. Great choice. Second- I read once, and if I don't get the meaning, I simply "listen to how it has left me feeling"...and this poem, after all three reads, leaves me feeling breathless at the end...and as if I've been wittness to something that has fueled my passion for a long time...it leaves me feeling as though I've (the subject of the poem, not actually "me") accomplished something I've only been dreaming about up to this point. Third- I put the poem aside, chew on it during my real life day, then come back to it, in a different frame of mind and see if it means anything different to me. I hope you are not offended that I "didn't get it", because I find this to be a thrilling "hunt"...disecting meanings of poems in here. I truly loved this...intriguing, as said above. This is definately one I will have to get back to this evening! Thanks for the "chewey" today! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Good morning, Kammie~ How lovely. How very, very lovely. Thanks for the morning chance to watch the dance. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
It's not fair! How can you write that? It's too good and it's too fast, and you're too good as well K......  Incidentally I read: "tasting on your trail" as: "tasting on your tail" ........ rotflmao freudian slip maybe my dear Kamla? ...lol P PS I WAS last ....... heh heh |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla...you are a star...and I am in awe of your brilliance! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wonderful free verse Kamla...this dances on its own |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
This was queitly captivating -- I am smiling. --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Kamla, I have lived this experience You have written a special feeling in a very wonderful way. Bravo, young poet. Liz |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
My dear New Zealander...again you blow me away, awesome one. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Sweet, supportive Maree...thankyou. Jan - WOW! So much input is just awesome - thankyou, I do appreciate this. I am not offended at all - and will actually tell you of my objective. The whole piece is a flash of a moment for a person - woven around two themes: A person caught watching the Fairy Hunt pass by, and also the feeling of a person touched by someone they love and can never have. Both to me suggest an impression of discordance, confusion and passion so briefly felt but with such strength. The verse: and how I hear the temptation to breathe your eyes indicates a melding of sensation - it is impossible to hear a temptation and breath someones eyes - and I just combined all of the impossibilities as both situations - the hunt and the wanting of someone you can't have, are rather impossible - and both would leave one feeling impossible and drowned also! So you absolutely understood it when you said that you felt as if the subject accomplishes a dream - but only in part - just a moment of it - which is the 'kiss of time'. Both the hunt and the beloved 'flit' on - uncapturable and as mystifying as an exotic dance and wild rhythmic music. Hope that helps... Marge(y) - any time my friend - hugs! Sir P - I know - you want this and the explanation of it in CA I don't doubt...hehe - not sure I'd risk it actually...so be nice to me! (Thanks dear) Martie - Wow, not sure what to say really - so will thanks suffice? Ruthy - thankyou  Kess - I made you smile! Great! LOL - thankyou! Lizzy - my friend, you say such lovely things - thanks... 'Deer - I did puff quite hard - where did you end up? Hehe - thanks cheery one. K |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Lady K Actually it wasn't this one it was "A Way to Fly" that I suggested for CA and Liz said she could deliver .. lol Also it would be great for CA to have a visit from January Flowers as well if you can arrange that? See ya .. oh yes .. ~hugggggggggggggGGGGGGGGGGGG~ .................... that nice enough for you ?? ~smile~ Sir P .. (I gave up asking) [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 03-05-2000).] |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
"moving on to clutch a moment but a kiss of time" Severn, you rock! This is golden. michael |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is superb, Kamla! I love it! Denise |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Kamla .... Exquisite .... I love your free verse so !!!!!! [This message has been edited by Pepper (edited 03-05-2000).] |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
"shivering in the flush of your dance" Beautiful writing... ~ Claire |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Sir P - Well, well - I don't know, multiple postings and all... But you never know...I might make ONE exception...just one...hehehe...(no one will know - we won't tell them ok? It was never here she says giving a conspirator's ) Lady K (Guess I have to give up too)Michael - Rocking in happiness here! Thanks!!!! Denise - Why thankyou my friend...hugs. Shannon - Hey hope you're doing ok my dear Pepper. Thanks. Claire - Thankyou. K 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
I do know how/why your heart hurts and longs for this person. I know the feeling all too well. I can only nod my head in saying, I understand. Beautifully shared. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Your dance is ever graceful K. You make the reader sway in tune to the beat of your heartfelt words. A gossamer sigh in reply. |
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