How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #6 Archive
 Wild Rhythm
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Wild Rhythm

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


0 posted 03-01-2000 07:13 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Severn

The rhythm
         is a haunting
a flow
       forceful of you
and immersed
        
I watch

tasting on your trail
beating softly
               chords
and walking

unaware of any sky
but your covering

and how I hear
the temptation
to breathe
           your eyes

Here I stand
         alone
      so quietly unhidden

your wild light
falls  
and I glow with
       darkness in my footsteps

moving on
to clutch a moment
    but a kiss of time

just a swirl
          you flit on past me

shivering in the flush
                of your dance
        
  

© Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


1 posted 03-01-2000 07:21 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Sweet Butterfly, The beauty within you shines through your poetry....A beautiful piece indeed!! WOW!! "sigh"  

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge




[This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 03-01-2000).]
January Flowers
Member
since 02-01-2000
Posts 217
South Carolina


2 posted 03-01-2000 07:28 AM       View Profile for January Flowers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for January Flowers

Well, Severn...THIS IS GREAT IN THE WORDS USED but I'm having trouble deciphering...

There are some poems, you just read and get the story.  Some, are a bit more heavy with symbolism, and I find them so tasty.  Some poems are way out there in left field and you wonder what the poet was thinking (if at all) when composing such a thing.  THIS poem, you have written, intrigues me. I have read it 3 times...and each time has left me with an different, but same, feeling.  In poems where I have to dig into ME a little to understand them, I surely have a process to help, as I'm sure many of my fellow poets in here do to.  

First-  I loved the title.  That always sucks me in first.  And the use of "wild" and "rhythm" together was an instant catcher for me.  Great choice.

Second-  I read once, and if I don't get the meaning, I simply "listen to how it has left me feeling"...and this poem, after all three reads, leaves me feeling breathless at the end...and as if I've been wittness to something that has fueled my passion for a long time...it leaves me feeling as though I've (the subject of the poem, not actually "me") accomplished something I've only been dreaming about up to this point.

Third-  I put the poem aside, chew on it during my real life day, then come back to it, in a different frame of mind and see if it means anything different to me.

I hope you are not offended that I "didn't get it", because I find this to be a thrilling "hunt"...disecting meanings of poems in here.  I truly loved this...intriguing, as said above.  This is definately one I will have to get back to this evening!  

Thanks for the "chewey" today!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


3 posted 03-01-2000 07:47 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Good morning, Kammie~
How lovely.  How very, very lovely.
Thanks for the morning chance
to watch the dance.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Poertree
Senior Member
since 11-05-1999
Posts 1413
UK


4 posted 03-01-2000 08:30 AM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

It's not fair! How can you write that?  It's too good and it's too fast, and you're too good as well K......  

Incidentally I read:

"tasting on your trail"

as:

"tasting on your tail" ........ rotflmao

freudian slip maybe my dear Kamla? ...lol

P

PS I WAS last ....... heh heh
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


5 posted 03-01-2000 10:04 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Kamla...you are a star...and I am in awe of your brilliance!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


6 posted 03-01-2000 11:15 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Wonderful free verse Kamla...this dances on its own  
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


7 posted 03-01-2000 12:49 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

This was queitly captivating -- I am smiling.  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


8 posted 03-01-2000 07:08 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Kamla,
I have lived this experience
You have written a special feeling in a very wonderful way. Bravo, young poet.
Liz
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


9 posted 03-01-2000 08:07 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

My dear New Zealander...again you blow me away, awesome one.
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


10 posted 03-02-2000 06:43 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Sweet, supportive Maree...thankyou.

Jan - WOW! So much input is just awesome - thankyou, I do appreciate this. I am not offended at all - and will actually tell you of my objective.

The whole piece is a flash of a moment for a person - woven around two themes: A person caught watching the Fairy Hunt pass by, and also the feeling of a person touched by someone they love and can never have.

Both to me suggest an impression of discordance, confusion and passion so briefly felt but with such strength. The verse:

and how I hear
the temptation
to breathe
your eyes

indicates a melding of sensation - it is impossible to hear a temptation and breath someones eyes - and I just combined all of the impossibilities as both situations - the hunt and the wanting of someone you can't have, are rather impossible - and both would leave one feeling impossible and drowned also!

So you absolutely understood it when you said that you felt as if the subject accomplishes a dream - but only in part - just a moment of it - which is the 'kiss of time'. Both the hunt and the beloved 'flit' on - uncapturable and as mystifying as an exotic dance and wild rhythmic music.

Hope that helps...



Marge(y) - any time my friend - hugs!

Sir P - I know - you want this and the explanation of it in CA I don't doubt...hehe - not sure I'd risk it actually...so be nice to me! (Thanks dear)

Martie - Wow, not sure what to say really - so will thanks suffice?

Ruthy - thankyou  

Kess - I made you smile! Great! LOL - thankyou!

Lizzy - my friend, you say such lovely things - thanks...

'Deer - I did puff quite hard - where did you end up? Hehe - thanks cheery one.

K
Poertree
Senior Member
since 11-05-1999
Posts 1413
UK


11 posted 03-05-2000 05:45 AM       View Profile for Poertree   Email Poertree   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poertree

Lady K

Actually it wasn't this one it was "A Way to Fly" that I suggested for CA and Liz said she could deliver ..  lol  

Also it would be great for CA to have a visit from January Flowers as well if you can arrange that?

See ya .. oh yes .. ~hugggggggggggggGGGGGGGGGGGG~ ....................  that nice enough for you ?? ~smile~

Sir P .. (I gave up asking)


[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 03-05-2000).]
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


12 posted 03-05-2000 06:25 AM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

"moving on
to clutch a moment
    but a kiss of time"

Severn, you rock!  This is golden.


michael
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


13 posted 03-05-2000 12:15 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

This is superb, Kamla! I love it!

Denise
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
14 posted 03-05-2000 01:01 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

Kamla ....
Exquisite .... I love your free verse so !!!!!!

[This message has been edited by Pepper (edited 03-05-2000).]
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


15 posted 03-05-2000 01:13 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

"shivering in the flush
                of your dance"

Beautiful writing...

~ Claire
        
  
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


16 posted 03-05-2000 05:22 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Sir P - Well, well - I don't know, multiple postings and all...

But you never know...I might make ONE exception...just one...hehehe...(no one will know - we won't tell them ok? It was never here she says giving a conspirator's   )

Lady K (Guess I have to give up too)


Michael - Rocking in happiness here! Thanks!!!!

Denise - Why thankyou my friend...hugs.

Shannon - Hey hope you're doing ok my dear Pepper. Thanks.  

Claire - Thankyou.  

K




 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


17 posted 03-05-2000 05:37 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

I do know how/why your heart hurts and longs for this person.  I know the feeling all too well.  I can only nod my head in saying, I understand.  Beautifully shared.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


18 posted 03-06-2000 01:32 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Your dance is ever graceful K. You make the reader sway in tune to the beat of your heartfelt words.
A gossamer sigh in reply.
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #6 >> Wild Rhythm Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors