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Passions in Poetry

the tired in you

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 02-29-2000 10:25 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

-the tired in you-
Your eyes are dull, fragile glass;
The shine long since worn, gone.
I sympathize with the tired in you,
The way your voice cracks sung notes.
I can hear every splinter of melody
Showing more than any diva could.
I'm glad you sang though you could barely stand;
Now you deserve a rest.

Away from the lights pouring heat.
Poring eyes over every pore.
The ribbons in your hair came loose,
Dried by fame's electric glare.
Please, girl, take a seat.
Drop the wrapped bouquets
(after all, they're just petals
with no bike to take you anywhere,
stems, deceptive beauty).

I tell you, just the way you open your mouth
Makes beauty seem an almost obscene gesture.
If it weren't so gentle, I'd be scared of what you could do.
Careworn and scarred, at least we flew;
And we didn't crash into any brambles or diamonds
On our way down.
I think I love you,
But I'm old enough to realize we're just clouds.

I understand your need to sleep,
The time alone with your hope and dreams.
I know the tired in you.
I'll leave you to your needs.

Goodbye, girl.
You never knew me.
Goodnight, love.
I'm tired, too.
© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
tulip
Member
since 07-04-99
Posts 324
unknown


1 posted 03-01-2000 12:45 AM       View Profile for tulip   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tulip

Bsquirrel,
How sad...
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


2 posted 03-01-2000 12:59 AM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Good writing, Mike. Really intriguing.

~ Claire
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 03-01-2000 03:14 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

How I wish i had something clever to say to this--but it made me a bit uncomfortable...naked or something...
So then,( serenity grins), this MUST be good work...absolutely...
Corazon
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


4 posted 03-01-2000 09:54 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

wow, its just incredible the way you say things...and yep, I know just what you mean...I am tired too....sigh
bsquirrel
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5 posted 03-01-2000 10:14 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, everyone.

Mike
passing shadows
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since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


6 posted 03-02-2000 08:57 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

yes, I know.  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


7 posted 03-03-2000 06:32 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Very sad stuff here Mike  
bsquirrel
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8 posted 03-04-2000 02:23 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

p.s. (though there's no body to the letter),
I know I'm definitely tired right now. Thanks for reading.

hoot,
It's sad, but there's also sort of a quiet hope and final understanding. Actually, that's probably what makes it sad. Thank you, too, for reading.

Mike
tracie66
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since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


9 posted 03-04-2000 03:18 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

Mike you write with such grace and emotion, this was truly wonderful but a little sad...
Thanks for sharing it  


 Keep all the windows of your mind open
Anne Rooks
Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


10 posted 03-04-2000 12:37 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I think this may be one of my favorites of yours Mike! It does have a melancholy feel to it, but I also sense personal strength in it as well! Well done!

Denise
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


11 posted 03-04-2000 04:19 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

I really liked the feel of this, it seemed so honest yet loving, sad but sweet...oh, I don't know...I just liked it!
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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since 01-03-2000
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12 posted 03-05-2000 02:48 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

tracie66,
And thank you for reading it.   back atcha I appreciate your comments.

Denise,
Thank you. This was obviously easier to reply to than "losing our minds in style."   Thanks for not giving up.
j/k

Martie,
I'm glad you enjoyed. I had fun writing it (at work, during a nothing-to-do stretch).

Mike
Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


13 posted 03-06-2000 06:47 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

The title just drew me - and I loved this poem...wonderful expression here...



 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


14 posted 03-07-2000 12:11 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, severn. You know, for the longest time I thought that blue butterfly was a pair of slippers. Are my eyes already going? Or maybe it's just the tired in me?

Mike
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


15 posted 03-07-2000 04:34 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!

Absolutely hysterical here....

Thankyou for giving me quite a new perspective on my little icon...



I guess you could see that...??

Clicking submit with a broad grin...!
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


16 posted 03-07-2000 10:04 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

This is very interesting and descriptive.   I checked out Severns butterfly and it does look like a pair of upsidedown blue slippers, for sure. Or maybe I'm tired too.(laugh)   James
 
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