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Open Poetry #6
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Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA

0 posted 2000-02-29 06:58 PM


One bullet was all it took
On that lonely April night
She was an intelligent person
It just doesn't seem right

One bullet was all it took
To turn my world on end
Confused and bewildered
Help I was ready to lend

One bullet was all it took
When she was deep in despair
It is doubtful she saw
How much we all care

One bullet was all it took
To end my grandmothers life
She was such a strong person
Why did we not see her strife?

© Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved
BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
1 posted 2000-02-29 07:02 PM


Mistikman - I'm so sorry for your sorrow, and all of the unanswered questions, your very sad poem was beautifully written, I know where you are coming from as my brother did the same thing....thanks for writing and for sharing this.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 2000-02-29 07:06 PM


This is so sad...but beautifully done....it's hard losing a loved one but to lose someone in this way is especially hard. I know the anniversary of her death is coming in a month..my heart goes out to you and your Grandfather.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2000-02-29 08:19 PM


I've been typing and backspacing, trying to
find the right words...Just this, tho, I'm
sorry...

Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
4 posted 2000-02-29 10:14 PM


BSC- Thank you. It has been very hard for me to even think about this since it happened almost four years ago. I am truly sorry for you and your family. I only saw my grandmother once every 5 years or so. I couldnt even imagine losing someone I see every day.  

Poet deVine- Thank you. With the intense depression I went through around a year later(not directly caused by this, but it didnt really help) this was always sitting at the back of my mind, wondering if I would suffer the same fate.

serenity- Dont worry, you said exactly the right thing, thank you...

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2000-02-29 10:20 PM


I am sorry I didn't get to this sooner Travis.   This is well written and I am sure a difficult thing to write about. I feel your loss hun. ((hug))
First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

6 posted 2000-02-29 10:41 PM


A very sad event to say the least.  Sometimes as children or being children as adults we often over look the hard times faced by those older than us.  We just assume that they know more than us and are dealing with things diffrent than us and  that are now passed and that they are fine.  We often overlook the most inportant fact....Age does not negate problems and if they are not dealt with at a young age...they will resurface in time.  I pray and hope that this will act as a sign of help that you may deal with issuse as they come and not put them off until they seem to over power you.  Best wishes  

[This message has been edited by First__Knight (edited 02-29-2000).]

Jer
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
USA
7 posted 2000-02-29 10:45 PM


Well Travis, this was very sad. It was however wonderfuly written. The pain and emotions are so present. Sad but great read.

 "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
8 posted 2000-03-01 03:18 AM


Marilyn- It's ok, I am just glad you came   Thank you.

First__Knight- Yea, we all have problems, the problem is, my grandmother refused to talk about what bugged her. She kept everything inside, and I believe on that night 4 years ago it finally got to her. She had 75 or so years worth of problems built up, with no release. She was incredibly strong to even handle it for that long. I just wish we had all seen it and done something.

Jer- Thank you. Your support is greatly appreciated.

RufffRyder
Member
since 2000-02-25
Posts 143
<------Over There------>
9 posted 2000-03-01 03:26 AM


Mistikman~my grandmother was my best friend and she went to a better place not to long ago.
I can feel your loss in your writing and Im sorry.
I like to think that our grandmothers are watching over us and lighting our way like the stars light the night.
You`ve done an excellent job with a beautiful poem here.
Thank you for the read and memories.

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
10 posted 2000-03-01 03:30 AM


I have not the right words to offer you the compassion I feel in reading this.  Suicide is an everlasting torment to the survivors.  In most cases, the questions will never be answered.  You have my deepest sympathy and empathy on this one, Mistikman.  One bullet - felt by so many.

Michael

Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
11 posted 2000-03-01 10:48 AM


RufffRyder- Thank you and You're welcome. I knew my grandmother as well as a grandson could who lives across the country and only visits every 5 years or so. Even though I had only seen her 5 times in my life, my life was deeply jarred from hearing of her unfortunate death.

Michael- Thank you. Just the fact that you are trying to offer support means you cant possibly say the wrong thing. We all felt that bullet, in one way or another.

chic
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
12 posted 2000-03-02 10:55 AM


*starts crying and runs up to Travis and say's i'm really sorry and I understand how u feel *

 "Life is a game and we have to play, but in the end...we all die."-by me!

sweetcollege_girl
Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872
just about where I want to be
13 posted 2000-03-02 01:12 PM


comforts her sis, then gives Travis a hug. Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My great-grandmother died in '96..I still miss her

~~Lavada~~

 "For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it.
For every truth, there is an ear somewhere to hear it
For every love, there is a heart somewhere to receive it".--Ivan Panin


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
14 posted 2000-03-02 01:29 PM


Oh this is so sad  

One bullet is all it took
to end her pain;
but that one bullet only began
everyone elses.  


Sometimes even those trained to see the signs miss them Mistikman...and sometimes even when we do, we still can't stop the chain of events. There are many victims in a suicide and those that are left behind often face the questions you have..."Could I have done something?"..."Why didn't I see?"..."How could have I stopped this?"
Just don't end up blaming yourself...there are three things in life that will eat us apart if we let them...guilt, grief and regret. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope the pain gets better daily.
(((HUGS)))
Ruth


[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 03-02-2000).]

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

15 posted 2000-03-02 03:44 PM


I am like serenity...I just don't have words...this is so sad so well written...so....sigh....and though I am no where near suicide...I am a grandmother with lots of turmoil inside....this touches me deeply...thank you for sharing
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
16 posted 2000-03-02 06:08 PM


chic & sweetcollege_girl- Thank you both. It is comforting to know that I will always have your support.

hoot_owl_rn- Thank you. Those 3 things attack me quite regularly. It is difficult at times to see past the guilt grief and regret of my prior actions. And on the topic of not noticing the signs, no one ever really noticed when I was near suicide. I had to fight up from the depths of hell all by myself. Poetry has helped me a lot in the last few months. Through my words I express and release much of the pain that I have been feeling all my life.

Corazon- Thank you. If the pain ever gts too much, just read this poem and think of your children and grandchildren. There are better alternatives than suicide. It took me a long time to figure that out.

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

17 posted 2000-03-02 09:32 PM


Mistikman, you've shared your feelings beautifully with this poem. Writing is a wonderful accomplice to the healing path. Much peace to you...

~ Claire

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
18 posted 2000-03-02 10:07 PM


mistikman: you hit on a sore spot...but that's good sometimes

Knowing Harold

Harold is the best
popular at work, with friends
people greet him at the door
because of laughter that he sends

all the kids run and jump up
to hug Harold around his neck
he always speaks to strangers
he works as a computer tech

everybody loves Harold
he helps anyone he can
always smiling and joking around
the class clown, a comedic man

I see him leave out
with a buggy full of food to share
Harold weighs 350 pounds
but seems to be without a care.

He is caring and kind
oblivious to those who make fun
we talk as he gets off work
when his day is done

and by the majority
it is not known
that Harold always
goes home alone.

Christmas Eve, he sits at the table
looks at the wall and cries
no one sees him dying
wanting love, though he denies

no one understands
no one hears him shout
he turns the tree lights off
and blows his brains out.

And no one comes to visit
when he doesn't show up for work
shocked when they find the truth
Harold never showed his hurt.

And I don't understand why
we all have our own ways to go
and we never stop to think
there's a friend we may not know.



 ~shadows dance by the light within~


Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
19 posted 2000-03-02 10:25 PM


Meadowmuse- Thank you

passing shadows- Oh geeze.... Talk about a sore spot.... That poem just described my personal life almost to a tee. I weigh 300 pounds instead of 350, but its all pretty much the same. I act nice and jovial and happy around others. If I act how I truly feel I wouldnt have the friends I do. *sigh* thanks for the poem passing shadows, it is deeply appreciated, and gives me a lot to think about.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
20 posted 2000-03-03 09:10 PM


Mistik: I say you're beautiful any way you want to be. I'm sorry the poem hit you that way but I like to think and yours made me think of mine which made me think and hopefully others will too, that maybe troubles are covered with smiles and laughs and it's a true friend that takes the time to go underneath. *hug*

 ~shadows dance by the light within~


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
21 posted 2000-03-03 09:26 PM


Mistik~
What loving thoughts you still
had for your grandmother ...
that is the important thing.

Suicide is a desperate act of desperation.
Love, someone bent on leaving will leave no matter whether we see the signs or not.

I send you a sincerely meant hug.
I hope you rise above your feelings of despair.  
YOU ARE SOMEBODY !
I Love you.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
22 posted 2000-03-03 10:53 PM


passing shadows- Yea, but I dont really want to be as large as I am. I doubt anyone would -want- to look like this. It is an unfortunate result of my lifestyle and a low metabolism. Dont be sorry, I enjoy poems most that effect me emotionally. I have a hard time relating to sappy love poems or cheerful happy poems, so I tend not to enjoy them as much. I am still looking for a true friend who is willing to probe the depths of my soul.

Marge Tindal- Thank you, heh, and I love you too  

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