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Passions in Poetry

The Case of the Five and Dimer Rhymer......#1

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 02-27-2000 11:50 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


Just bringing this one out of the mothballs 'cause it was one of the first in the Balladeer-Toerag wars and I need to rile that sucker into getting back here!!!


I still recall that London fog roll down the street that night
Back in the spring of '93, if my mind serves me right.
Good Mr. Holmes, my trusted friend, had called me to his place.
I didn't know that it would be for Sherlock's final case.

"Ah, Witless!", Holmes called out to me - his customary greet
As I walked in from out the chill of foggy Baker Street.
"A curious case has come my way and I'm forced to depend
On cunning, wits, intelligence - and you, my trusted friend."

"You know, of course, of Long John. He's the butcherer of words
Who writes the most pathetic rhymes the world has ever heard.
There is a ransom on his head for murdering pure verse
But I've been hired to find a fiend who writes poems ten times worse!"

"Dear Holmes!", I finally blurted out, unable to resist,
"You know that Long John tops the twenty Most Unwanted list.
No man alive can write that bad and not remain in jail.
Should you accept this duty, Holmes, you're surely bound to fail!"

But nothing that I said - no threats - no questions that I asked
Were able to convince Holmes to avoid this futile task.
So, off we went, in still of night through foggy London town
To find a poet worse than John and hunt that creature down.

We asked the hoboes on the streets but they just simply laughed.
We asked the patrons of the pubs who all replied, "You're daft!!"
We checked the sewers - alleys, too.The hunt went on 'till dawn
But we could not find anyone who wrote as bad as John.

The opium dens we checked. We even crashed an all-night party
Hosted by that evil fiend, Professor Moriarty.
But all our hunts were fruitless. Sherlock ranted, raved and cursed
For every fact uncovered proved that Long John was the worst.

"Dear Holmes", I cried, "please let it go. This hunt cannot go on.
There simply is no one alive who writes worse than Long John."
But Holmes would not abandon ship. He simply walked away
And legend says he hunts on still until this very day.

Years later, I discovered that my friend Holmes had been right!
For, in a pub across town, on that same cold London night
The fiend he sought was saying,"Folks, now I don't mean to brag
But I'm the greatest poet born. My friends call me Toerag......."

© Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Pepper
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since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
1 posted 02-27-2000 12:00 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

ROFLMAO ...    
I do remember this ... and hope it brings the wars back ...  I think we all miss them alot !!!!!
Shelley
Member
since 01-27-2000
Posts 269
Ohio, USA


2 posted 02-27-2000 12:11 PM       View Profile for Shelley   Email Shelley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Shelley

There is more like this??  Well I know what I will be doing today. This is great!!
I hope this will bring Toerag back around. It sounds quite interesting, this war you were talking about. Were the writing pretty much like this piece? And what started it?

I really did enjoy this!!
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


3 posted 02-27-2000 12:33 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

This ought to do the trick!

Hilarious, Balladeer!


Corinne
Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 02-27-2000 12:40 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Thanks, Pepper, for remembering.

Corinne...thank you. I hope so  

Shelley...was there a war? Is a frog waterproof? Would a cow lick Lot's wife? Yes, there was, as evil and vicious as anything you ever saw. You see, we were just a small, happy group here at Passions enjoying each other's company and poetry and then this TOERAG comes in on an evil wind one day, along with his sidekick LngJohn, with plans to overtake and lay ruin to the site. They even brought along a small, select army consisting of Suthern, Iloveit, Lorelie, Rainbow girl, just to mention a few. Anyway, there was only one obstacle in their way....Balladeer. They began to devise ways to eliminate me. There was talk of smashing fingers, breaking arms and kidnapping. I was finally forced to shed my normal sweet, kind demeanor and confront them. WAR had begun. Poems, like bullets, flew from one side to the other. Since it was a battle of wits, Toerag was only half-armed! Along with my trusty sidekick Poetwheel, long since deceased, and later the noble Sir Andrew Scott we set out to defeat the evil forces of Toerag/LongJhn. They were formidable foes, however, and the war took many turns. Now the members of his original group have become solid pillars of Passions, LongJhn has been reduced to feline homicide and Toerag is in hiding.

.....or is he just reloading? With Toerag, you never know......

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 02-27-2000).]
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


5 posted 02-27-2000 01:29 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

I didn't know he is gone
I guess an e-mail is in order here
Your poem.....what a poem that is
cheer and enjoyment, it should work you would think
Thank you, you made my day

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

Nan
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Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


6 posted 02-27-2000 02:51 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

I, of course, have dedicated myself to protecting our poor Deer from the maligning motley who moved their muses to live among us...  
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


7 posted 02-27-2000 03:02 PM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Balladeer,
This was before my time, but I truly enjoyed the read. I hope he returnes soon.
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


8 posted 02-27-2000 05:45 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Aw, Nan... get out of the way and let us deliver his just rewards! LOL

Hmmmmm, Balladeer... digging through that recycle bin, hunh? LOL. Better watch out... your rear sticking up in the air presents an interesting target! LOL

I do remember you seemed to shed your "normal sweet, kind demeanor" in less than a nanosecond! *G*
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


9 posted 02-27-2000 07:25 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Helmut....making your day is always reward enough. Thank you.

Nan...I always feel safer wrapped in your cloak of invincibility!

Sy...I'll fill you in on the early battles  

Suthern girl...yes, it does present an interesting target. Pucker up!

There! You see what kind of people Toe brought in!!! Well, at least he did something right!  
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


10 posted 02-27-2000 08:36 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

This was great Balladeer, I'd love to see the 'war' rehashed too  


 May the world hug you today,
With it's warmth and love.
I pray it whispers a joyful tune in your heart,
That tell you there is a friend sitting in another corner of the world,
Wishing you well and
wishing you love......
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)


Denise
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Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


11 posted 02-27-2000 10:35 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

A blast from the past!! I enjoyed it just as much this time as I did the first time I read it! If this doesn't bring the 'wars' back nothing will!!      

Denise
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


12 posted 02-27-2000 10:44 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

ALRIGHT BALLADEER! Let the wars begin!!
I'm so glad you brought this out!  

I needed this ROFLMBO! Love that story up there too! hahahahah LOLOL
sandgrain
Member Elite
since 09-21-1999
Posts 3657
Sycamore, IL, USA


13 posted 02-27-2000 11:23 PM       View Profile for sandgrain   Email sandgrain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sandgrain

Guess I joined when the guns were still smoking and I enjoyed every bit of it, but can't remember reading this one.  What a prompter!
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


14 posted 02-28-2000 10:19 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

ROFL...good one Balladeer  )
 
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