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Passions in Poetry

A ritual

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jbowie
Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 137
BANGOR (that OR) ME


0 posted 02-24-2000 03:42 PM       View Profile for jbowie   Email jbowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for jbowie

I wake with a view of grass
my face imprinted
with rooting lines
red with pressure
or frustration

my wet clothes attest to rain
soaking my sleep
my pillow arms
still fast asleep
angrily numb

a reward for a hard week
reducing my post
to ground level
but I had fun
before passing out

fun seems a perception
changing with age
spinning the bottle
then tipping it back
before living inside



 A real man
kisses his children goodnight
© Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 02-24-2000 07:39 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Your poetry and prose always make me think. But this is the first time I noticed your signature quote. What a wonderful sentiment! I truly like that.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


2 posted 02-24-2000 11:16 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Great poem! Funny isn't it, the things we humans sometimes do for fun?

Denise
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


3 posted 02-25-2000 09:10 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Loved this. So much said, so few words, just the right clues. Excellent.

"fun seems a perception
changing with age
spinning the bottle
then tipping it back
before living inside"

...love the irony.





Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 02-25-2000 10:03 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Excellent writing here....and the last sentence is worth a lot of weight. This is poetry.
jbowie
Member
since 02-18-2000
Posts 137
BANGOR (that OR) ME


5 posted 02-25-2000 10:09 PM       View Profile for jbowie   Email jbowie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jbowie

thank you all, but when I wrote this I did not think much of it as a whole. I thought the only strength lay within the last stnza. Is't that what you think as well?
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


6 posted 02-25-2000 10:46 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

   Not at all. Granted, the last stanza is powerful and fulfills its role as denouement superbly, but it is just that ~ denouement.  Its effect would be lost without the foundation that you've constructed with the previous stanzas. Strong images, good form, it all works, and very well.    

Claire
  
Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


7 posted 02-25-2000 11:01 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

outstanding reflections here!

Corinne
christies heart
Member
since 08-10-99
Posts 192
NJ, USA


8 posted 02-26-2000 05:35 AM       View Profile for christies heart   Email christies heart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for christies heart

Great poem. sounds like you have really been there.
 
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