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Passions in Poetry

when the love is gone

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Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


0 posted 02-21-2000 12:00 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Corazon

she concentrated on the shadow
of the ceiling fan
as it crossed across his
forehead
because it was easier
to believe if she didn't
have to
look in his eyes

she lied her lies
to a love a world away on
the tangled world wide web
he lied his lies (usually)
sixty miles away...
the distance
yeilded them a grace
and granted acceptance
to the unbelief

the dust particles glinted
in the dying sun
above his head
I should probably dust that fan,
she mused...
as he finished sifting
through the last details
his fabrications
now indelibly locked
with her own

and the night seeped in
without a goodnight
kiss




[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-21-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


1 posted 02-21-2000 12:15 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Wow...your eye for detail in your poetry is amazing, the imagery simply paints the scene with utmost clarity...wonderful work  

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 02-21-2000).]
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


2 posted 02-21-2000 12:20 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

This is almost too good for me to notice the typos. (Which you're trying furiously to correct *G*)

I like this very much... the not paying attention says so much... the skipped kiss says the rest. *S*
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


3 posted 02-21-2000 12:24 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

thanks you two ruth's....and lol I was so mad when i left this morning I forgot my glasses....so feel free to point out any more typos...lol
Betty Gravitt
Member
since 09-11-99
Posts 225
Georgia United States


4 posted 02-21-2000 12:26 PM       View Profile for Betty Gravitt   Email Betty Gravitt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Betty Gravitt

Corazon.. I agree with suthern, the skipped kiss ends this poetry beautifuly. Sad that a lot of nights end that way.

 B Gravitt

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


5 posted 02-21-2000 12:28 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

HUSG
January Flowers
Member
since 02-01-2000
Posts 217
South Carolina


6 posted 02-21-2000 12:39 PM       View Profile for January Flowers   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for January Flowers

I loved this!
I know this!
Blown away by your ability
to irradiate this "emptiness" in words.
Very good work, Corazon!
Raul Noriega
Junior Member
since 02-12-2000
Posts 11


7 posted 02-21-2000 12:45 PM       View Profile for Raul Noriega   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Raul Noriega

Just read "If I Want To."  I also enjoyed this very much.  I see two characters here who have seemingly surrendered to a bitter-sadness that is their relationship.  Thought-provoking.  Very nice!
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


8 posted 02-21-2000 12:57 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Corazon, Absolutly perfect, and the last line could not have been any better.

Parker
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


9 posted 02-21-2000 04:45 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

You are certainly a master of melancholy. This poem evokes many strong feelings. Thank you for writing it.
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


10 posted 02-21-2000 05:57 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

Betty Gravitt thanks, and yep, it is sad, specially when its all you got

RainbowGirl thanks for the hugs big HUSG back

January Flowers the "emptiness" yep, if you read that, then you do know...thankyou

Raul Noriega bitter sad....yep, you also read right

Haleyja, thank you parker  

Balladeer "a master of melancholy" ...wow if I had chosen my life more carefully, I wouldn't have chosen melancholy to be the master of....sigh....but will accept your compliments and thanks

[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-21-2000).]
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


11 posted 02-21-2000 06:07 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

Great detail with this one Cor!!! I loved the poem...but now you have me thinking about dusting MY ceiling fan...God knows how long that's been there!!! G*

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


12 posted 02-21-2000 06:32 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

Do I see some sadness here
Do I feel someone is near
Well written and so full of motion
Without a kiss I set my notion
Well done

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


13 posted 02-21-2000 06:39 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Wow.

What can I say?

Moving and eloquent - poignant too - well done to evoke such a range of emotions!

 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath


[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 02-21-2000).]
 
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