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Passions in Poetry

some time back

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 02-19-2000 11:24 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

-some time back-
Some time back
   . piano so soft
Like water dripping slowly, easingly
   . the notes the whisperings of a child
Bathing puddles against the dishes,
   . palm fronds shadowing out my face
The slightest tink of surface tension
   . dropping darkness closely mild
Like a book read through and closed
   . what colors do colors make
With a new eye for subtle details,
   . when spread apart and wrenched together?
The hidden messages meant by artists
   . when does the calmness break
In the renderings of an author's fever.
   . in favor of more wind and weather?
Like that little kiss with lips
   . several months never felt so smooth
So smooth as to velvetcize my mind.
   . i never thought i would move
Slow-moving spirals, slow-grooving sunset.
   . another guess proven true that night
What happened to those times?
   . another starfield bruised
© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


1 posted 02-20-2000 12:30 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

I am quite enjoying reading the free verse being posted tonight... I've seen your name but haven't hung out here for a while so this is my first reading of your work. It is vivid, detailed in sensory imagery, emotionally charged. Thank you for the read and I will look forward to reading more of your work.

-dp
bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 02-20-2000 12:34 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Doreen,
Thanks for such a kind, insightful reply. As usual, this is me experimenting again. I like to try and push the bounds of what poetry can be. Whether or not I succeed is another matter entirely.  

Mike
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 02-20-2000 01:39 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I don't mean to come across as the president
of your fan club, "b". but how I do love the
subtle, ironic twists of your phrasing...

As a fan of "slam", I'm pleased to know that
where-ever-where, this is read aloud.  First a whisper--then a shout--extraordinary work.
Chris Goodman
Member
since 01-28-2000
Posts 95
Issaquah, Washington usa


4 posted 02-20-2000 01:43 AM       View Profile for Chris Goodman   Email Chris Goodman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Chris Goodman

This is sexy!  Don't know if I read
it incorrectly, but I like the whole darn
thing!
"The hidden messages meant by artists
   . when does the calmness break"
I got that one...Anyway..hot stuff here.
Chris


 Blue Moon
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 02-20-2000 02:53 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

serenity,
Is it just me, or is that second line in your message like a mini-poem itself? It's got rhythm! Glad you enjoyed. And I'm taking it you think this is a poem I should read aloud? Okay, just because you suggested it, I will next week (7:30 p.m. saturday at the barnes & noble in encino, come one come all)  

Chris,
I agree with some of the poem's latent sexiness until the line "another starfield bruised." (ouch!) Thanks for reading.

Mike
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


6 posted 02-20-2000 03:08 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

this is excellent...i really enjoyed reading this..it had a very relaxing effect as i read it...
"The hidden messages meant by artists
   . when does the calmness break
In the renderings of an author's fever.
   . in favor of more wind and weather?
Like that little kiss with lips
   . several months never felt so smooth
So smooth as to velvetcize my mind.
   . i never thought i would move
Slow-moving spirals, slow-grooving sunset.
   . another guess proven true that night
What happened to those times?
   . another starfield bruised"...

excellence of prose...
take care, janet marie



 Now for me some words come easy...
But I know that they don't mean that much
Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch.
You never knew what I loved in you--
I don't know what you loved in me...
Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be...
How long have I been sleeping-
How long have I been drifting alone through the night...
How long have I've dreaming I could make it right...
If I closed my eyes and tried with all my might
To be the one you need...
Jackson Browne


Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


7 posted 02-20-2000 06:32 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

...and I think perhaps it's that "latent sexiness" that pulls the reader along with this piece...it entices me with the feeling of an early summer sunset~evening settling around and within an open~windowed home, maybe a little Glenn Miller floating through from the back porch radio, the flavors of dinner for two still in the air, the glow of lamplight on hard wood, something cool chilling on ice for that eventual thirst that comes along on nights like this...the anticipation...that is what this poem brings to me...(not that I'm complaining, mind you...)  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 02-20-2000 07:44 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Janet,
It relaxed me, too. Until, of coures, I showed it to a girl at work and she said "It doesn't rhyme." ARRRRGH!  

Meadowmuse,
Do you realize how good of a writer you are? You give such pitch-perfect detail, even in your replies. As always, glad you enjoyed.

Mike
 
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