Of wisdom, I've barely a sprinkling.
Still I don't qualify as a fool.
Of what's going on, I've an inkling,
At least as a general rule.
But something that leads me to wonder
If my brain cells are missing some juice
Is my complete failure to under-
Stand why you're still on the loose.
Your mouth and your nose are outrageous.
Your chin is a major disgrace.
I pray that it isn't contageous,
Whatever's affecting your face.
You emit an odor offensive
That no perfume or soap can dispel,
And when you sit stolid and pensive,
Your gut has a flatulent swell.
The crust in your ears has gone septic.
The rot in your gums putrifies.
You're drooling out effluent peptic.
Disgusting rheum runs from your eyes.
You aren't known to frequent the laundry.
From bath tubs and showers you shrink.
Forgive me, but I'm in a quandary--
How much can one human being stink?
And given the fact that you're portly,
Though you think you're as lean as a broom,
A visit from you means that shortly
No one else will have any room.
It's my disposition, despite all,
To accept you as you choose to be.
All that I ask in requital
Is your permanent absence from me.