How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #6 Archive
 Pirate's Perdition
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Pirate's Perdition

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


0 posted 02-16-2000 01:58 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Christopher

       freedom
       beguiled-
     thrown into
the murky depths
of cerulean pools
        named death;
            beckoned,
with muted proposals
    of gleaming's echo
              &
     whispers of rewards,
    richness of the hand;
      yet never realized
         that mountains
    of treasure's gold
         brings aught,
                save
   eternal foundering
               in seas
         tainted cerise
          and shadowed
                 grey-
         an allusion
           of their
         tenebrous
            souls




 -*Hope the dream.
---*Wish the future.
------*Live the now.


© Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 02-16-2000 02:13 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Magical! I love it.  
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


2 posted 02-16-2000 02:17 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

I KNOW!!!
Beki
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1615
Newport Beach, CA, USA


3 posted 02-16-2000 03:44 AM       View Profile for Beki   Email Beki   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beki

I LOVE Pirates, always wanted to grow up to be one! Just bought several books about pirates for my school library...and I really enjoyed reading this delightful rainbow of language..good work Christopher!
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 02-16-2000 06:22 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

I KNOW that you KNOW that I LOVE this....  


[This message has been edited by Nan (edited 02-16-2000).]
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


5 posted 02-16-2000 07:15 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal


AHOY !
THERE MATEY !
ME LIKES !
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


6 posted 02-16-2000 08:35 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Well shiver me timbers!!! great job Chris  
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


7 posted 02-16-2000 11:02 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Aye matee. Me knows that you knows that Nan knows that we all know that I love this.

I have noticed a definate pattern to your work lately my friend. I challange you to something completely different. Something structured to death. lol. I know you can write free verse magically. Anyone have a specific structured poem they would like to see Chris write?
JennyLee
Senior Member
since 09-01-99
Posts 1478
Northwestern, NJ.


8 posted 02-16-2000 11:13 AM       View Profile for JennyLee   Email JennyLee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennyLee

Love it Captain  

Jenny
Tara Simms
Senior Member
since 08-12-99
Posts 1285
Honea Path, SC USA


9 posted 02-16-2000 12:42 PM       View Profile for Tara Simms   Email Tara Simms   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tara Simms's Home Page   View IP for Tara Simms

Marilyn, are you kidding? Structured poetry?  Ack!  

DON'T LISTEN TO HER, CHRIS!  Your free verse is absolutely divine, stick with it!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


10 posted 02-16-2000 03:08 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Simply enchanting, Christopher.
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


11 posted 02-16-2000 03:29 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Like the way you put those words on paper, Christopher--tis grand!
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 06-18-99
Posts 1231
St. Paul, MN


12 posted 02-16-2000 04:58 PM       View Profile for Dusk Treader   Email Dusk Treader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dusk Treader

Ahoy matey!  All hands put their hands together for another excellent poem by Chris!  I'm liking your use of color, it is something I've never seen before and very cool.  

All ye seadogs to starboard!  Chris and his ego are on the port side, and we're starting to capsize!


 A writer's soul is on paper etched.  

In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. --
Abrahm Simons




[This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 02-16-2000).]
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 09-06-99
Posts 6390
Sunny Queensland


13 posted 02-16-2000 06:11 PM       View Profile for Isis   Email Isis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Isis's Home Page   View IP for Isis

Aye young matey, an old sea tale told wonderfully, pass the rum and hoist the Jolly
Rodger.  Wonderful tale Chris  

 Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.
~Isis~
(Sovereign of the Spirit)


Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


14 posted 02-16-2000 06:51 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

And he paints yet another colorful portrait, so beautifully!


Corinne
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


15 posted 02-16-2000 07:18 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

Alright, now who's the real show off here?  Me thinks it might be you ya know.  Great reding here, Chris.  Take it from one who's caught in that "eternal foundering" you speak so eloquently of.


michael
              
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


16 posted 02-16-2000 08:23 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Geesh...methinks me would have to have a dictionary handy if ever we spoke in person!  LOL
I almost always have to dig one up when reading your bountifully spoken work!  This one is really cool, as it speaks volumes of my pathetic life!  


 ** I'm reaching for the brightest star I've ever seen - knock my ladder out from under me, and you'll wish you hadn't !! -pFF ** Here's to 2000!
blueyz75
Member
since 12-28-1999
Posts 139
IL


17 posted 02-16-2000 09:39 PM       View Profile for blueyz75   Email blueyz75   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit blueyz75's Home Page   View IP for blueyz75

When does the ship leave port!

I'm ready to sail!

Kelly


 I love the male body, it's better designed than the male mind.---Andrea Newman

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


18 posted 02-16-2000 09:48 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Chris, aren't we colorful lately?  Enjoyed this one cap'in!

 <*\\\><

There's only two ways you can go...
One way you can save your riches,
And the other will save your soul.
Rich Mullins
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


19 posted 02-16-2000 10:09 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

My my -- looks like someone's thesaurus has been seeing heavy usage!  LOL  

Seriously, my friend, I did like this quite a bit, but I did have a few suggestions that might help to clarify the message ...

In lines four and 5, you speak of "murky depths/of cerulean pools ..."  These two adjectives (murky and cerulean) seem to contradict one another; cerulean is in fact a vivid sky blue, a color which fits not at all with the concept of murkiness.  Perhaps this was an intentional juxtaposition, but if not, I would consider eliminating either the one or the other.

In line 16, your usage of "aught" to mean "nothing," though it is technically correct (I know this cause I'm one of those people who reads dictionaries for fun -- LOL), it carries with it the connotation of the more common usage of "aught," which is "anything."  This could throw the average reader off to some extent -- I'm ashamed to admit it, but it gave me pause until I realized that the word could be used as its own opposite.

OK, next:  IMHO, (  ) you would do better in replacing "allusion" (line 23) with "illusion," or else change "of" to "to" (an allusion to ...), since allusion is a reference to something, not really a thing in itself.    

Otherwise, this was an excellent piece (it sounds like such stuff and nonsense after I spent three paragraphs critiquing, doesn't it?).  Truthfully, the "problems" I named were minor, and will be (if you choose to do so) easily corrected to yield a most original and eloquent poem.

Crossing my fingers and hoping we're still friends,

--Me


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest



[This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 02-16-2000).]
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #6 >> Pirate's Perdition Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors