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Open Poetry #6
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Enola
Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 138
England

0 posted 2000-02-15 04:21 AM


The first poem I ever wrote, I couldn't think of a title, any suggestions are welcome:

A laughter line,
Holds together a bouquet of flowers,
Posted regularly,
Never received.
The first bud of winter,
Developed in excess –
Dies,
A premature, wasted, hollow potential.
It pretentiously throws into the bouquet,
The first to be received,
Returned to sender.


© Copyright 2000 Enola - All Rights Reserved
HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
1 posted 2000-02-15 04:33 AM


Deep thoughts are within
So sad that a flower did not bloom
One of Natures wonders had to die
I love nature
Nice poem and welcome to Passions

 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.


angelswing
Senior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 705
United Kingdom
2 posted 2000-02-15 07:27 AM


Dear Enola,
You have nothing to worry about with your poetry, your early worries are unfounded, this is great, now you just need to write some more, welcome and welcome .

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
3 posted 2000-02-15 11:50 AM


What about using your final line "Return to Sender" as the title?
Welcome to passions by the way  

infinat3 sadn3ss
Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 85
somerset england
4 posted 2000-02-16 05:05 PM


i love you debs
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
5 posted 2000-02-16 06:46 PM


Welcome to the family! Please check your email!  

Wizzard
Member
since 2000-02-09
Posts 209

6 posted 2000-02-16 07:44 PM


Welcome Enola
Nice writing.I hope to see more from you.




 Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
And the begining of a new one.


Betty Gravitt
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 222
Georgia United States
7 posted 2000-02-16 10:53 PM


Welcome to the Passions family. And a  wonderful family it is. I liked the peice. Keep writing.

 B Gravitt


angelswing
Senior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 705
United Kingdom
8 posted 2000-02-18 11:59 AM


I recon a good title for this great metaphorical poem would be 'Male - lost or found', notice the deliberate spelling mistake, I think this would signify the way a friend can become more or less from a simple action,

be careful, and think hard about any offers you get .
Love Tom .

PS. I hope it all turns out the way you want with no.9 .


 With poetry as your weapon - express your iner feelings so all may carry your sorrow, united as one .

sonjes
Senior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 564
North Carolina
9 posted 2000-02-19 12:24 PM


The great thing about poetry is "untitled" is always an acceptable title.  Keep your gift truly yours and you will do fine!
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 685
USA
10 posted 2000-02-19 12:29 PM


Wonderful writing and welcome to passions.
I agree with sonjes...untitled is ALWAYS an acceptable title...(I have lots and lots of untitled...it's almost like a serial with me...lol)(thinking of starting an anthology and calling it...you guessed it..UNTITLED)lol
anyway..thanks for the enjoyable read.

Chris

 Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.

mete out
Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270
england
11 posted 2000-04-03 11:18 AM


***debs,
this is absolutely fantastic.
i am sorry that i missed it first time around...
at least this way it gets shot up to the top where it belongs...
love always.


 I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
12 posted 2000-04-03 12:11 PM


Excellent beginning, please send us more
Welcome to passions
Liz

CherylLynnMckee
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 215

13 posted 2000-04-03 12:24 PM


Great first post...wonderful writing..welcome to Passions!

 

just_another_fe
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483
MICHIGAN
14 posted 2000-04-03 10:15 PM


good job welcome to passions i was also thinking "return to sender" for the title
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