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Passions in Poetry

The Wish

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spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


0 posted 02-15-2000 01:38 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for spiked

The Wish

  I wish I were a king
The ruler of the land.
With many things to offer you
Your wish is my command.
  I wish I were a jeweler
The finest in the land.
To give you all my makings
Thatís others would demand.
I wish I were a pilot
Iíd fly you around the world
You would see all of the wildest places
Your dreams could ever know.
I wish I was your lover
And spoil you I would.
This dream is now your making
And turned to mine it could.
Bring happiness and loving
Pleasure and desire
You have yet to scratch the surface
Of this inner burning fire.

© Copyright 2000 Richard Rendall - All Rights Reserved
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


1 posted 02-15-2000 01:41 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

This was written the other night but something seems to be missing like the end?
What do you think?
Rich
CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 02-14-2000
Posts 700
USA


2 posted 02-15-2000 01:45 AM       View Profile for CMGrimm   Email CMGrimm   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CMGrimm

IN my own HONEST opinion spiked....I think it is perfect.  But that comes from the standpoint of READER.  Only you as the poet know if the words say enough, (and believe me sometimes they just can't) Myself, I don't like to reveal to much to the reader, I like to make them think. Leave alittle to the imagination and not spoil the ending, with an ending...(does that make sense?)
Anyway, I really liked it, I thought it flowed very well from one stanza to the next. And I love leaving a little guesswork at the end.  TO me...it's perfect.

Thanks for sharing

Chris
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


3 posted 02-15-2000 01:49 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Thanks Chris I do understand maybe thats part of what I wrote and don't realize it. I just get this empty feeling when I reread what I wrote.
Rich
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 02-16-2000 03:02 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

To lay at peace, protected
by the arms of a king...
might just restore
my sanity-if ever
existed such a thing...
submission would be easy
and servitude no sin.
to laugh, to think, to feel, to breathe,
to live alive again.

How did i miss this one?  You are just flowing these days, spiked.  Write every word
down and send them all to me!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


5 posted 02-16-2000 03:09 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Wonderful wish, great poem.  
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


6 posted 02-16-2000 11:39 PM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Thanks serenity sometimes it flows sometimes not. most times it flows and i can't write it down lol. so it flows right out my head. but I am lucky enough to get a pen in hand once in a while.
Thank you Martie appreciate the kind words
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


7 posted 02-16-2000 11:52 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

This poem just needs one thing...to be read. I like it as is, spiked, very much. (I do know just what you mean though about feeling as if a piece is incomplete, even after you've done your best to finish it) I'm enjoying your work!

**Loved Serenity's little poem too, didn't you?
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


8 posted 02-17-2000 12:01 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Thank you meadowmuse
and yes i did like the poem serenity wrote. Not to often my poems are replied with poems.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


9 posted 02-18-2000 03:29 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Spiked...I really like this one...lucky is the girl who has all this  
spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


10 posted 02-19-2000 12:58 AM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Thank you Hoot always nice to have your comments.
 
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