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Open Poetry #6
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The Wish
| Open Poetry #6 |
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The Wish |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA 
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The Wish I wish I were a king The ruler of the land. With many things to offer you Your wish is my command. I wish I were a jeweler The finest in the land. To give you all my makings That’s others would demand. I wish I were a pilot I’d fly you around the world You would see all of the wildest places Your dreams could ever know. I wish I was your lover And spoil you I would. This dream is now your making And turned to mine it could. Bring happiness and loving Pleasure and desire You have yet to scratch the surface Of this inner burning fire. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Richard Rendall - All Rights Reserved | |||
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
This was written the other night but something seems to be missing like the end? What do you think? Rich |
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CMGrimm Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 685USA |
IN my own HONEST opinion spiked....I think it is perfect. But that comes from the standpoint of READER. Only you as the poet know if the words say enough, (and believe me sometimes they just can't) Myself, I don't like to reveal to much to the reader, I like to make them think. Leave alittle to the imagination and not spoil the ending, with an ending...(does that make sense?) Anyway, I really liked it, I thought it flowed very well from one stanza to the next. And I love leaving a little guesswork at the end. TO me...it's perfect. Thanks for sharing Chris |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Thanks Chris I do understand maybe thats part of what I wrote and don't realize it. I just get this empty feeling when I reread what I wrote. Rich |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
To lay at peace, protected by the arms of a king... might just restore my sanity-if ever existed such a thing... submission would be easy and servitude no sin. to laugh, to think, to feel, to breathe, to live alive again. How did i miss this one? You are just flowing these days, spiked. Write every word down and send them all to me! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Wonderful wish, great poem. |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Thanks serenity sometimes it flows sometimes not. most times it flows and i can't write it down lol. so it flows right out my head. but I am lucky enough to get a pen in hand once in a while. Thank you Martie appreciate the kind words |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
This poem just needs one thing...to be read. I like it as is, spiked, very much. (I do know just what you mean though about feeling as if a piece is incomplete, even after you've done your best to finish it) I'm enjoying your work! **Loved Serenity's little poem too, didn't you? |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Thank you meadowmuse and yes i did like the poem serenity wrote. Not to often my poems are replied with poems. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Spiked...I really like this one...lucky is the girl who has all this  |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Thank you Hoot always nice to have your comments. |
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