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Open Poetry #6
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Untitled (help?)
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Untitled (help?) |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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Strip me of my skin, What proud and practiced Pretense I weave, so dear, So worn to match my heart with being used, That I have missed its beginning and my end. With hands, with wondering, Explore the space beneath, While eyes are held, Examining the soul through panes of sylvan mosaic. Do you see A mirror of dreams? do you see as I do? Do there flow rivers of doubt behind cerulean eyes, Whose surface gleams Candid, calm, do you see deadly camouflage, a siren's song That lures the hapless? Does there burn Fiercely, a desire, a wanting beyond wanting, as I Need, at glance casual Though perhaps dynamic, a flux Between extremes, between yes and no. do You ever dream? < !signature--> Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 02-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
I love the poem Kinda makes me think of naked or exposed as it so revealing. Rich |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
I think your last line says so much about this poem Kess..perhaps the title lies there??? (between you and me- I'd just call it poetic beauty!!!) Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
An inspirational poetic piece...I need say no more Tracie |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
Certain I am The challange is clear For me to title this I fear "Flux Dreams" Perhaps Still, a nice poem Kess The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Perhaps "Mirrored Dreams"?? Nicely done regardless of the title...a rose by any other name still smells as sweet  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I very muchly like your ventures into the realm of free verse. For someone who claims not to write that "form" well, you rock at it! I'd like to point out, (because I'm a pain,) the places that I think could be improved upon... but you learn too darn quick and I see none here! I love as usual, your word usage and choice of imagers... Marvellous again m'friend... If I were to pick a title, LOL, I think I'd call this Hall of Mirrors and Masques. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
No, make that Masques and Mirrors, I like that better! |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Yes, I dream I dream of walking naked upon the shores of the soul, unashamed in my offerings of love. I dream of eyes looking upon me. Eyes peering into the depths of my being. Eyes that never turn away. Hands of wondering exploring me, searching me, needing me. Yes, I dream I dream awake as Time steals prosaic life from me within a shattered mirror of would be truths as I drown in rivers of doubt. What image might the mirror hold unbroken? I have felt the siren, I have loved her even as her bloodthirsty lips tore at my flesh, longing to devour my soul, and I have laid haplessly since, pining in darkness awaiting her return. Yes, desire burns, rages within far beyond the realms of understanding. Far between the virtues of yes and no! And saddest of all, only within a dream. Very inspiring piece, Kess. I couldn't give adequate reply without taking it to verse. I hope you don't mind. I'm not sure what you could use for a title. Chris's is very good. From a simpler standpoint "Do You Dream?" might suffice. I found myself wanting to scream, "Yes, I dream" after reading it....LOL Truly, a great poem. Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 02-15-2000).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Lovely, very well written. Oh - and I actually like 'Do you dream' for a title - it seems to sum up the whole piece and adds emphasis to the last lines. K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
spiked (Rich): Thank you, and it was intended to be so! devina: poetic beauty? I think you drank too much of that keg yesterday -- LOL!  Tracie, Helmut: Thanks and hugs to you both! Ruth: One of my favorite lines of Shakespeare! What high compliments you bestow upon this humble soul ...  Christopher (twice): You and your Masques, here we go again! Thank you so much my friend, you know I value your opinion highly in any case, but especially in free verse (since you have such a particular talent for it yourself). I am flattered to no end that you could find nothing here that begged improvement -- in fact, I'm approaching ecstatic!  For the record, I do enjoy writing free verse a great deal more than I used to, thanks to your patience with my flailing and foundering ... thank you!Michael: WOW! That was wonderful, and a fitting "response" poem, though I am quite sure that I myself had absolutely nothing to do with your reply! I am glad I was able to provide you with the inspiration to pen such lovely words -- may they be carried on gentle winds and fall softly on the ears of the one for whom they were intended ... Kamla: I agree with you -- Christopher's Masques aside (  ), I would have to say that the poem was primarily about dreaming ... Smooches all, and thanks so much for the suggestions and replies ... --Kess |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
*light flickering softly from her lighter* A bit cheesey I know...but I can not find anyway of better expressing how I felt reading this... I agree with Severn...Do you dream? That is fitting... Freedom of expression is the watch word... |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Thanks, Kess, My heart isn't easily swayed nor easily given. Nor is where my heart lies a secret to anyone. Even still, so much was said within your poem that it cried to my heart. I only hope my reply falls upon the intended ears also. Michael |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Mike's just a show off Kess, ignore him... I do! -*Hope the dream. ---*Wish the future. ------*Live the now. |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Always admire your writing, and with humble admiration, I submit the title: "Mosaic Dreams" DH |
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