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Passions in Poetry

in the rain

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 02-12-2000 12:59 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

I wrote this last night after feeling several different things that needed sorting out; just picked up a mini cassette recorder, and spoke into it. This is the first of two sessions.

-in the rain-
freestyle

The rain in her hair was almost like a veil.
If she'd cried before she came here,
Her tears were washed away.
I winced when she put a comb through
Because it picked off all the jewels,
Glistened and dripped down the sink.

I asked her Can I pour you a drink?

Her smile meant love and her eyes were caring.
I held her close;
Her light was sharp but not glaring.
And I didn't need a soft focus
Or pull-away lens
To see her beauty.

I wish there was a way a moment could be eternity.

Because I was happiest
When I had someone with me.
When something as innocent
As going on an amusement park ride
Took on new meaning.

And even when things went fast, and when things went slow,
And when they broke at the end, and I thought I had no place to go,
We stayed friends.

Some people search for a spark in a well,
Glaring into the depths of darkness
To find a little piece of light.

Flip.
There and gone like a page of a book.

I thought I'd found my future that night,
But time is a crook.

© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


1 posted 02-12-2000 12:13 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

Mike, I missed this last night, but am glad I saw it today. This is beautifully  expressive of an honest love...and in such descriptive lines. I love what you've said about the rain forming jewels in her hair. And your end lines ~

"Flip.
There and gone like a page of a book.

I thought I'd found my future that night,
But time is a crook."

...so direct, these serve as an effective contrast to the rest of the poem to illustrate the often fragile status of a relationship.  So well done. (...and well liked by me!)


Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


2 posted 02-14-2000 10:11 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

*shakes her head in amazement* great work mike...really great....love your style...sigh

your ending reminds me of my favorite G&R song..."but if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn't time be out to charm you?"

[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-14-2000).]
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


3 posted 02-17-2000 04:24 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

I have only one thing to say about this piece......FANTASTIC  
Wizzard
Member
since 02-09-2000
Posts 235


4 posted 02-17-2000 04:33 AM       View Profile for Wizzard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wizzard

You`ve done a great job at capturing a moment in time with this writing.
And I agree,Time is a crook,But yet we never seem to have enough of it.
Thank`s for sharing Bsquirrel

 Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
And the begining of a new one.

Glorfindel
Junior Member
since 02-17-2000
Posts 22
Auckland, New Zealand


5 posted 02-17-2000 05:57 AM       View Profile for Glorfindel   Email Glorfindel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Glorfindel

Time is definitely the most insidious thief of all, and it has stolen a few things from me. Times has always been an enigma of mine(the fourth dimension)and I love reading poetry about it.
thanks for writing.

 Let winds rage, seas boil and years curse,
My love shal live everyoung in my verse.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


6 posted 02-18-2000 12:17 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Better late than never.

Meadowmuse,
Always glad when you enjoy something of mine. I like the jewels, too.

Corazon,
If by G&R you mean G'n'R, I ask you, when did Axl Rose write THAT lyric?  

tracie66,
Thanks!   back atcha

Wizzard,
You're welcome, and thanks for reading.

Glorfindel,
Time does steal, but it also gives birth. Everything lives and everything dies -- both horrifying and beautiful truths. Thanks for liking the poem.
Cerenity
Member Elite
since 02-16-2000
Posts 2712
Escondido-California


7 posted 02-20-2000 10:42 AM       View Profile for Cerenity   Email Cerenity   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cerenity

bsquirrel,

It's puring down rain right now and was wandering through back pages of this forum and found your poem, time has from the beginng been mans biggest foe at one point or another. Very nice poem, thank you.

Cerenity-1 (AKACerenity)
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


8 posted 02-20-2000 10:47 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Well done, my friend
It flowed so smoothly til the end, when the truth appeared and caught me by surprise, just like it often does.
Wonderful poem
Liz
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


9 posted 02-20-2000 10:58 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

I like the way you write, and this was so honest and clear to the end, like a word picture of your heart. The fickleness of time-- Well Done!
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


10 posted 02-20-2000 02:44 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Cerenity,
My relatives live near Oceanside, so I'm sure they're getting soaked, too. The weather over here is more potential than kinetic at the moment, though. Some puddles, lots of wind, but not much rain. Of course, it's supposed to rain through to Monday, so who knows. Btw, I was WONDERING how this poem found the light of day again.  

Liz,
Glad you enjoyed. And that ending took a little bit of thought on my part. It seemed like such a sledgehammer in an otherwise soft poem, but I decided that was the message I wanted to get across. Yeah, truth is like that sometimes.

Martie,
Thanks. I'm all worded out now, so here's a smile instead.  

Mike
 
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