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Passions in Poetry

Heartbreak in Realtime (Pt. 1 & Pt. 2)

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Junior Member
since 01-16-2000
Posts 19

0 posted 02-11-2000 11:31 PM       View Profile for sirreen   Email sirreen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sirreen

Heartbreak in Realtime--Pt. 1

In the morning I can hardly stand to be around you
After a night spent dreaming and remembering
Some of the things youíve done
A few of the lies youíve told
All the heartbreaks Iíve already endured
By ten AM Iím starting to modify my position
To cave
Your actions donít seem so bad by then
It seems like maybe I can live with them
That it doesnít matter that I donít matter
Between eleven and noon Iím feeling bad
Guilty for being mad at you
Like Iím just feeling sorry for myself
Should not expect your expectations to be reciprocal
Before lunch Iím mad at you again
**** that bitch, Iím thinking,
If she wants to go glory in being attractive
Revel in their attention to her beauty
She has complete adoration at her fingertips
How can she believe that will satisfy her?
I shouldíve listened to my father-in-law
That first Christmas together
Cracking a joke about her mattressback past
(My cheeks had flamed with anger at him then)
After lunch at two oíclock things are a little better
Not much, but a little
There was a song in which someone sings
About the springtime of their love
Another where one rhapsodizes to his Allison
About the truth of his aim
These things and food in the belly
Serve to dampen the savagery of my breaking heart
Coming home the severity is further lessened
The sun is shining suddenly after daylong rain
Just minutes before turning onto my street
That one song that I love comes on
The one that mentions trying to
catch the deluge in a paper cup
This, and the song that immediately follows,
Someone singing of his brand new day
Reinforces a feeling thatís been sinking in
for the last two hours or so
An emotion less of anger
More of a sad, melancholy heartache
For how inauthentic things have become
Not so  much mad about whatís been done
As much as a sense of the wastefulness of it all
A knowing that it did not have to turn out this way
An understanding that I did the best I could
That this time I did not repeat the old mistakes over again
Though the end result is no different than itís ever been
At least I was able to overcome my faults
I made the right decisions at most junctures
I made progress while I was with you
This alone of anything thatís gone on between us
Is a good thing

Heartbreak in Realtime  Pt. 2

When you get home at six-thirty
We have only strained hellos for each other
The necessary interactions freighted
With hurt feelings and repressed guilt
You ask for my help with dinner
And my selfish anger wants to flare
Iím not feeling like doing you any favors right now
I check it, however, and do my part as parent
After, you are away at a school function
My anger is distracted by other matters at hand
My shattered heart is assuaged by messages
From far quadrants and people Iíve never seen
Indications that I am still worthwhile
When you arrive back home at nine-thirty we talk a little
As if nothing at all is going wrong
It does still feel good to do that with you
I manage to avoid the feeling of falsehood it might engender
You lean over to kiss me goodnight on your way up to bed
Inquiring suggestively how long Iíll be working
Inspiration is crowded out of my mind
And I myself retire soon afterward
Climbing into bed with you I feel only a vague numbness
Battle fatigue, it seems, is setting in
You tell me you are tired, donít want to launch into a long discussion
That you love me; you are sorry you are hurting me
I respond with my own confessions in kind
My own apologies for mistakes made along the way
I roll away from you and tears begin to squeeze through my restraint
I keep thinking of the kind words of someone
Who is aware of what weíre going through
Of how I was referred to as, ďdear oneĒ
A phrase often heard from a close friend or cherished relation
It means a great deal to me, heartwrenching solace
I send a thank you through the group-mind communion
Confident it is received, I am able to lose myself in sleep

In the morning I can hardly stand to be around you...  


[This message has been edited by sirreen (edited 02-11-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Barry Spence - All Rights Reserved
since 02-06-2000
Posts 235

1 posted 02-11-2000 11:43 PM       View Profile for bobbycat   Email bobbycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bobbycat

....I understand all too well....maybe, just maybe, the sun will shine again soon........

thank you so very much--extrenely well written.              

Bobbycat =^..^=
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