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Passions in Poetry

what if?

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Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


0 posted 02-10-2000 10:13 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Corazon

I walked and walked
must have been a million miles
or more
and I thought and thought
and worked it all out
in my mind
each question
was gone over
worded and reworded
until it was
formed perfectly
each response
was backspaced, reordered,
deleted and rethought
until it proceeded with the proper logic
and just when I would
get to the end
and the next thought would
give me the answer of
what to do with my
life
I would start over.
and so I walked
until I couldn't anymore,
finally falling asleep with no resolution,
fitfully tossing and turning
seeking perfection,
seeking an ending…
how can I end an A+ analyzation
with the question
What if?

What if I don't do tomorrow,
what I am doing wrong today?
what if....



[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-10-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


1 posted 02-10-2000 10:16 AM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Hmmm, I understand this perfectly and the answer is that life is a circle, no end, no beginning, just a constant..

HUSG sweetheart

 The grape passes through the press to yield wine.
Your life must pass through the press of passion and pain to yield the wine of wisdom..

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


2 posted 02-10-2000 10:19 AM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

I think there are no resolutions.  We invent our lives one day at a time and the "what ifs" are only folly for the mind filled with insecurity. (thinking out loud)
Good writing.  
DH
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


3 posted 02-10-2000 10:23 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

how can I end an A+ analization
with the question
What if?


Lady, you are one heckuva writer!  This is profound, right on the mark!
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


4 posted 02-10-2000 10:47 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

And what if the answer lies not in walking but in flying... away? *S* Well done!!! (Even if I do hate to agree with the sailor! *S*)
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 335


5 posted 02-10-2000 10:55 AM       View Profile for Ted Reynolds   Email Ted Reynolds   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ted Reynolds

This is very nice indeed.  You know, I wonder if you put the whole thing in first person "I walk and walk . . ." etc., it would work too . . . and feel more like the person speaking isn't out of the circle yet.  Anyway, I do also like it as it is.  (But check the spelling of "analysing.")
WilliamHugh
Junior Member
since 02-10-2000
Posts 12
MA


6 posted 02-10-2000 12:05 PM       View Profile for WilliamHugh   Email WilliamHugh   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for WilliamHugh

I like this very much, tuning thoughts in the mind are something I have dealt with much lately.
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


7 posted 02-10-2000 01:22 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

No more thinking of what if's...only where you've been and more importantly, where you're going...you're too sweet of a person to worry so much!!G*

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
Breathe~
Member
since 02-05-2000
Posts 319
Washington...


8 posted 02-10-2000 01:50 PM       View Profile for Breathe~   Email Breathe~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Breathe~

Corazon...

Through your poetry..I see a sensitive, intelligent, wonderful person with an incredible talent...

Don't let those "what ifs"..hold you back...Shove 'em in the closet...and live  life to the fullest!...*grin*


 Freedom of expression is the watch word...
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


9 posted 02-10-2000 02:13 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

RainbowGirl
thanks for  the hugs, and yep circles is the right word….
Danny Holloway thanks
LngJhnAg
thank you shipmate….means much you know?
suthern
well then I will grow wings…..hugs and thanks for the compl.  
Ted Reynolds
lol thanks, funny thing was either way I spelled it my spell check said it was wrong, so I figured it wasn't a word so it couldn't be spelled wrong **grin**
WilliamHugh thanks
devina
sigh, I know, but you can't go on to the next til you figure out where you messed up, or you will just do it again….
Breathe~
thank you much that is a very sweet thing to say
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


10 posted 02-10-2000 04:37 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Corazon~ Life holds too many "What If's". I know, I do it a lot  .Sometimes all you can do is not ask that. Jump in and see where you land! -SEA
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


11 posted 02-11-2000 12:05 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

If we made no mistakes my friend we would never learn  

"If you have made mistakes...there is always another chance for you...you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~Mary Pickford
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


12 posted 02-12-2000 01:59 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Very impressive. This thing flows where no flow should be possible. When you look at in on the page, it's like words just tumbling down in some chaotic waterfall; but when you read it, you see this chaos has some sort of logic, even if skewed, behind it. Exactly what you're saying in the poem reflects in the format. Did you notice?  

Mike
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


13 posted 02-14-2000 10:39 AM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

hoot thanks much, and loved the quote...thanks

bsqirrel...no, I hadn't noticed lol, this is another of those that just tumbled onto the page.....well actually, I do walk at night and my brain goes round and round with my feet, and sometimes when I am done a poem tumbles out...thanks for the comments and for taking the time to notice
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