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Open Poetry #6
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Chained Angel
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Chained Angel |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
This is a poem about a girl I know whos parents are overprotective and will not let her out of their sight. They refuse to allow her to even meet with friends to study outside of school, even though she is 18. There on a cloud an angel lies. Wings bound by unbreakable chains. Unable to feel life, she cries. More than entwine, her heart it maims. There on a cloud an angel lies. She dreams of life without shackles. Free from the chains that bind, she flies. Once awake, her hope it tackles. There on a cloud an angel lies. Forever to live in torment. Unable to flourish, she dies. For what sin did she not repent? On that cloud an angel once lay. Help for her did come far too late. For her undying soul, we pray. She did naught to deserve that fate. I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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| © Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
oman i was that way muh parents were very overprotective then mom died and daddy is got bad dementia so yuh prolly know this but she should count her blessings they are there to care so much..woah on the other hand she could rebel take drugs do all the bad stuff real quickly cuz she feels she needs to catch up with life thats bad too yuh o man have i helped dont think so o well yuh |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I have to agree with walt here. This seems sad and tough, but it's better to be loved than not. As to the poem, well done! Maintained an easy read throughout! |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
ok..I hate to say this, but I agree with Christopher on this one...lol...but at least she knows that they do care, as some parents don't care enough!! But from her side I can see where it's frustrating, my parents were middle strict I guess you could say...but one day she'll move out- start paying bills- and wish like hell that she had of stayed at home with over-protective parents!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
Nice poem Travis, the subject is a little sad but writing about what we see and hear is good practice and sometimes, as in this case, it can help to create a good poem out of a tough situation.< !signature--> Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool: But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet. [This message has been edited by Craig (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
nicely written mistikman. The future remains to be seen, will she still achieve her goals in spite of overprotective parents or will it permanantly damage her future. I think it is just a temporary setback and soon she will be free to pursue her dreams. Sad situation though, someone should talk to the parents about this obsession to control. James |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Mistikman~ I'm sorry, this just blows my doors off. The girl is 18~legal adult. If she doesn't like it she should move out. It's that easy.I lived with my parents at 18, but I had a 2 a.m. curfew, that's it.Sure, parents are footing the bill, but she needs to grow and she never will with her parents controlling her every move! By the way, I really liked this.  -SEA |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
wayoutwalt- my, you do have a special way with the english language don't you?  I thank you for the sentiment though, it is well recieved.Christopher- Thank you. I tried really hard and made every line of this poem 6 syllables, but I think I got the stresses all messed up, because it doesnt flow like I think it should. devina- Thank you. Well, it is hard seeing her in this situation, because I have parents that are barely strict at all. They attempted to take control of my life a few years ago and I refused to let them. It was a difficult year, but it eventually worked and I won a great deal of freedom. Craig- Thank you. Maybe after we finish with the first poem we can start to work on this one. I really need to fix the stresses on it. jmlee12345- I hope you are right about the situation fixing itself in time. Her grades are already suffering in school because she is not allowed to see assistance outside of school. SEA- Thank you. Unfortunately, moving out is not an option where I live. The average cost of an apartment is about $1,400 a month. Plus, she would have other expenses she doesn't now. Sadly, an 18 year old couldn't possibly imagine moving out to anywhere but college where I live. I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
GOOD POEM MISTIK!!! I can soooo relate to this because my parents are also overprotective the only way i get to do anything is when my mom let's me do something but then they get into an arguement so nothings really done.To be or not to be...that is the question. |
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Breathe~ Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 315Washington... |
I think I have my feet on both sides of the fence here...I had controlling parents...(my mom at least)...but at the same time...I am also a mother myself...this day and age is scarey...I fear I am also a slightly overprotective parent myself...  (but the point here is...she is eighteen..and while she should respect their rules while under their roof...they should also respect her being an adult..Kind of a catch 22... Nice writing though... )Freedom of expression is the watch word... |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I won't venture forth anymore opinion of the situation on you, Mistikman. I will say, however, I thought it was a wonderful but very sad poem. Michael |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
chic- Thank for for the support once again I doubt you have parents as controlling as her. I used to think I had controlling parents, but once I talked to her, I noticed my parents are quite relaxed. If I want to go outside the house, I dont have to ask permission, etc. My parents allow me to be with my friends outside of school. From what I can tell, hers don't.Breathe~- Thanks for the response, and I will just direct you to my response to chic instead or restating it all Michael- Thank you, it honors me that one of your status in these forums would take the time to read and respond to my poem *Mistikman attempts to pry his lips from Michaels butt, but alas, they are stuck!* I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Some parents are very overprotective, but what can we do about it. Though she is 18 and should be able to do things on her own and cant I can see how she is frustrated (I know I would be). I never had the strictness from my mom (though when I look back, I should have) but I still have no idea where I am going with this reply so I will shut up! Poem was great though! I'm not waving, I'm drowning! |
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Wizzard Member
since 2000-02-09
Posts 209 |
LOL,Echo.... Mistik,being a father of 2 girl`s I have to agree with her parents...and I`ll tell you why...If she still lives at home,she needs to go by the rules of the house because it`s hard for a father to let go,knowing how young men are ...that`s one reason...another...what kind of neighborhood does she live in??? if it`s not a safe one,I too would be the same again...Im sorry..just another father`s point of view.. Nice writing Mistik,Thank you for sharing Today is the first day of the rest of my life. |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Echo Rhayne- Thanks, I urge her to stick up for her rights a little more, but she doesnt listen. I think there is some cultural things I dont quite understand, even if I want to. Wizzard- Rules are one thing, nearly imprisoning your daughter at the age of 18 is entirely different. She lives in a somewhat upscale neighborhood, nowhere near any gang activity or things like that. And it is not both her parents, from what I understand by talking to her, it is just her mother who cannot let go. I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I love the title..and the poem...and the discussion afterwards and the image of you with your lips stuck to Michael's hm...well, lower extremity oriface! LOL |
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christies heart Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189NJ, USA |
This is a very deep and touching poem. I think it is important to read it knowing it may be much more, and relates so much, to situations other than the one it was written about. I think being over-protective does not ALWAYS mean love, sometimes it is about control and not protection at all. People in this situation, where the outside world says, "at least they were cared for" may have a hard time with this when they don't really feel cared for. (I think I just spoke in circles...lol) But, I loved it. |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Poet deVine- Thank you as always for the positive remarks. Michael is my god..... christies heart- Thank you, you understood what message I was trying to portray a bit better than most here. I can't see how love could justify the almost fanatical control her mother has over her. I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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christies heart Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189NJ, USA |
How many souls have "been tourchured and died" in the type of love that that is selfsih and unreal of love. Too many. Keep supporting your friend.  Grant that I may not judge my niegbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasians Native American prayer |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Mist, Enjoyed the read, no OP |
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January Flowers Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 209South Carolina |
HEY! I'm an over-protective mommy! And I tell my children often, "if I didn't love you so much, I wouldn't care what you did!". Agree, agree, agree with the other parents. Better to be overly loved than underly so. Great poem, by the way! I like the consistency of the opening line throughout the poem. Storyline flows nicely. |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
christies heart- Thank you again, and I shall do everything in my power to comfort and aid her, for as long as I can. Seymour Tabin- Thankies January Flowers- Thank you, but somehow I doubt you are as overprotective as my friends parents. When I said they did not even allow her to leave the house to join a study group, I was not exaggerating |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Misitikman, I understand your concern here...I know a girl where her dad was real strict and she could not go here or there, he'd even go along with her, anyways she went overseas on a holiday to her dad's hometown in Italy, she never returned. met a man fell in love, fell pregnant, married, yet never told her parents. they found out from someone else. Sad isn't it!! Iunderstand parents wanting to protect their children, but I think there is a line, and this man crossed it. loved your poem! What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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