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Passions in Poetry

Piece Of Clay

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Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


0 posted 02-09-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Eloise

Here within my hand I hold
A piece of clay for me to mold.
I'll sculpt for you a heart to find.
It will be unique, one of a kind.

This fragile gift I give to you.
Just know my feelings for you are true.
So nurture it and watch it grow.
Hold on tight, don't let it go.
© Copyright 2000 Eloise - All Rights Reserved
cheryl cook
Junior Member
since 02-07-2000
Posts 13


1 posted 02-09-2000 10:32 PM       View Profile for cheryl cook   Email cheryl cook   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cheryl cook

Quaint ideas expressed.  A very simplistic rhyming scheme, could be well suited to the simple nature of the poem though.  I think the strongest line is "fragile gift for you to mold".  Try some more diverse patterns perhaps to add interest.
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 02-10-2000 01:17 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Eloise-
I like your Valentine phrases.
Spoken straight from the heart.
You go girl !
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


3 posted 02-10-2000 01:19 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

eloise vury nice do not change a thing or ill slap your hand as you only try to click the edit button
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


4 posted 02-10-2000 06:31 PM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

Eloise, This is so beautiful!  Perfect in every way!  I love it!

 Did Jesus laugh?
I think He did,
'cause He was once
a little kid;
and all of us
were made with joy
both sugar-spice girl
and snake-snail boy!
Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


5 posted 02-10-2000 08:07 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

cc, thanks for the suggestion, but it was written simple and I think I'll keep it simple.  

Marge, sweetheart as always, thanks for your comments.

Walt, wouldn't even consider touching that edit button now! LOL - thanks.

Echo, a big thanks to you too.
Ohme
Senior Member
since 07-17-99
Posts 831
Texas


6 posted 02-10-2000 08:23 PM       View Profile for Ohme   Email Ohme   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ohme

Eloise,
  I love it as it is. My favorite line is also 'a piece of clay for me to mold.'
    
Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


7 posted 02-10-2000 11:20 PM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

Thanks Ohme.  I'm glad you liked it.
Wizzard
Member
since 02-09-2000
Posts 235


8 posted 02-10-2000 11:37 PM       View Profile for Wizzard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wizzard

Short,Sweet and very well written.
This should be on a Valentine Card.

 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Eloise will be notified of replies
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