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Open Poetry #6
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As You Breathed
| Open Poetry #6 |
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As You Breathed |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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I lingered in your darkened room tonight To listen to you breathing as you slept; And only shadows clothed you from my sight As closer to your sweet repose I crept, To place a gentle kiss upon your brow, Intending only this, and not to stay; But slumbering, you called to me, and now The Fiend could not have tempted me away. I watched the working of your velvet lips, And saw their softness part to speak my name; You gestured then with dreaming fingertips, As though you sought another's hand to claim. I gazed at you in quiet disbelief, And questioning the soundness of my ears, But through my house of doubt there crept the thief Whose name is Hope, to rob me of my fears. I glided close beside your sleeping form, As though admittance to your dream to seek; Your breath upon my skin was gently warm As tendrils of my hair caressed your cheek. With trembling hand, I brushed the wisps aside, Then trailed my fingers softly down your face, While passion born of wanting long denied Electrified the swiftly closing space Between my lips and yours. Your features shone Beneath my gaze, a lover's vision styled More gracefully than any I had known – And as you stirred, and then awoke, I smiled – No longer worried for the consequence, I met your lips before the question came; Without remorse, I cast aside pretense, Well knowing things could never be the same ... Then wakefulness assailed my dreaming eye, And as you slept, I breathed a wistful sigh. Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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| © Copyright 2000 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Talk about a sigh! Wow you got one from me! This was fantastic! <*\\\>< When you can't make up your mind Which way is right for you, Stop and softly ask yourself, What Would Jesus Do? |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
I dreamt I supped of satin lips, Sailed the skies on passion's ships, And when I woke at dawn's first light, Saw Venus steal into the night. |
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bobbycat Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 233USA |
Bravo! Bravo! I am in such awe......that was magnificant!  Bobbycat =^..^= |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Skyfyre, this is very.......ah............ stirring...........ah...goodnight!  -SEA(loved it- saw it all in my mind) |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
cooooool...... *Mistikman stands in awe of the magnificent poem before him* I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
First off, WOW! I felt a quiet hush the whole way through, giving me a sense of restrained "action!" Wonderful job at controlling the feeling! And the play from desire to actuality to desire was well done as well. It's a bit sad to have to wake realizing it's a dream, but I love unexpected surprises. I do have a question however. It may just be me being stupid -or tired which I would prefer to think is the case- but who is "The Fiend?" As soon as I read that, I got the impression of another woman...? But if there's another woman, then is that saying that she thinks in the second stanza that he's leaving the other woman? Don't know. Tired. Will go to bed. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Dream or no dream, Kess - this is great... especially considering that waking from the dream didn't necessarily negate fulfillment.... Perhaps that was to come next??? Nice job..  |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Skyfyre- This is electrifying. I like it. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
Once again Sky~ I am astounded by your talent Bravo girl.. If with pen in hand I've made you think I've not wasted one drop of ink Vlh. visit my site~ http://www.hsanet.net/user/dkm/hellomy.htm |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Kess, WoW I dont even know what to say!! Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin* |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
This piece is a dance across emotion, Kess. From fear to anguish to peace to relief, I was swept by every line of this marvelous poem. wonderful work, I sure have missed this place. Michael |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Wht Dove: Thank you, a sigh is what I was after!  Mike: Lovely reply -- thank you dearly. bobbycat: Glad you enjoyed, love your kittycon! SEA: (fanning you) I tried not to build it up quite that much -- sorry!  Mistikman: A curtsey to you, sir, what a sweet thing to say. Christopher: The Fiend is a rather obscure reference to the Devil, Satan, whatever. The Big Bad Dude LOL. Glad you enjoyed the rest, and I agree with Michael -- get some sleep, willya?  Nan: One never knows, I'll tell you how it turns out ... Marge: electrifying is a first -- thank you! Glad it charged you up! tori, Echo: both astounded and speechless -- I'm blushing here! Michael -- "a dance across emotion." Sounds like an excellent line for another poem to me! Thanks for reading, and we missed you too! --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Evad Junior Member
since 2000-02-08
Posts 12 |
I felt the tenderness and wanting. Thanks! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Kess...I have to say, this is absolutely one of the best poems I have ever read here or anywhere else for that matter. Your rhythm is marvelous, your rhyme perfect, but even more, your story line so precise and intact throughout the entire poem. Your use of imagery intices nearly every sense. I just can not say enough good about it or for that matter, nor can my words even begin to speak of its greatness. APPLAUDING!!!! Oh just one more word about it.... PUBLISH!!!!! |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I'm so glad I saw this piece...absolute mastery with your craft, Kess. Nothing else need be said. Claire |
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