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Passions in Poetry

The Hunter

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 02-06-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

Laughter died
and finally
reality came
and you ran
like the rabbits
you love to shoot so much.

Watching you
as you hopped away
I finally understood
the hunter in you.
(I saw a target on your back.)
And had I just a trigger cocked
I would have squeezed just to feel the shock.

Not what you said
but did not say...
You died.
My heart died anyway.

Surely you can't call this sport.
Street sweeper
in a petting zoo...
Stupid me,
trusting you.
© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


1 posted 02-06-2000 11:13 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Oh, this is so sad, Serenity.  
Betrayal is very painful. You have described it very well!

Denise
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


2 posted 02-06-2000 11:26 PM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

"And had I just a trigger cocked
I would have squeezed just to feel the shock"
Now you're not mixing guns with alcohol are you ... you know what can happen

Excellent attention getter and the last verse
has great impact

Rex}<{{{{o>
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


3 posted 02-07-2000 10:11 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Serenity, who ever you wrote this for, wow! What a slap! I could feel the sting! Very well written!-SEA
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


4 posted 02-07-2000 10:25 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Powerful poem!
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


5 posted 02-07-2000 02:51 PM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

I think, yup, *sniff*, that I am going to *sniff*  cry at just the thought of that!  You sure did say your peace well though!  *Clapping and sniffing*

 Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin*

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


6 posted 02-07-2000 03:04 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Serenity, this is a sad poem, wonderfully written and yes I felt that sting too!! well Done!

 What comes from the heart goes to the heart.
Samuel Coleridge


Breathe~
Member
since 02-05-2000
Posts 319
Washington...


7 posted 02-07-2000 03:07 PM       View Profile for Breathe~   Email Breathe~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Breathe~

Ouch!

I've been there too...Nice portrayal.... )


 Freedom of expression is the watch word...
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


8 posted 02-07-2000 08:02 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I guess my secret's out--serenity is not exactly a description--but it is, at the least, a GOAL.  Thank you all for putting up with my rantings.  It's like free therapy.
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


9 posted 02-07-2000 11:36 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

This was refreshingly honest and sincere.  I enjoyed it much -- I thought the occasional rhyme added much to the presentation.  

--Kess


 Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes;
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange...


--William Shakespeare, from The Tempest

spiked
Senior Member
since 01-13-2000
Posts 886
Hammond, La USA


10 posted 02-08-2000 01:13 PM       View Profile for spiked   Email spiked   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for spiked

Sometimes we feel as though we are on an Island and no one is there for us. This is not nessasarily true.
Don't shoot I'll have to cover his shift.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


11 posted 02-08-2000 11:47 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Gee, spike, I could tell you were a sensitive guy...
Mistikman
Senior Member
since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


12 posted 02-08-2000 11:52 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

I am sorry for whoever it was that betrayed you serenity, just remember, we arent all bad   Great poem, I like the symbolism

 I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion
 
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