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Passions in Poetry

~ Lemon Lime ~ ( by the author of Witch Poem )

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mini poet
Member
since 02-06-2000
[First Post] 58
Canada


0 posted 02-06-2000 01:30 PM       View Profile for mini poet   Email mini poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit mini poet's Home Page   View IP for mini poet

thankyou for liking my poem
I hope you like this one too


Lemon Lime

One  early  morning
I  got  up  out  of  bed
I  went  to  my  dad
said  "wake  up  sleepy  head"
He  rolled  out  of  bed
and  staggerd  down  the  stairs
I followed  down  behind  him
with  my  fifteen  teddy  bears
~
He  slumped  down  at  the  table
for  just  a  minute  or  two
before  I  said  "good  morning"
and  then  "how  are  you"
"I'm  fine"  he  said
"but  why  did  you  wake  me
at  such  an  early  time"
~
As  he  asked  I  answered
and  urgent  made  it  sound
"Dad, I  really  am  craving
a  glass  of  Lemon  Lime"
So  to  the  fridge  he  staggered
took  out the  little  jug
spilled  some  in  a  glass
and  watched  me  glug  glug  glug
I  dashed  back  up  the  stairs
teddy  bears  and  all
With  dad  still  in  the  kitchen
staring  at  the  wall

~~~


© Copyright 2000 Jennifer E McCoy - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


1 posted 02-06-2000 01:48 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

mini poet, you have a whole heck of a lot of talent! Keep writing, by all means. You have great humor and such a wonderful eye for detail. Never lose those traits! Thanks for sharing.

Mike
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


2 posted 02-06-2000 01:57 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Mini Poet, this was FUN!   -SEA
jascanvey
Member
since 12-26-1999
Posts 130
England


3 posted 02-06-2000 02:40 PM       View Profile for jascanvey   Email jascanvey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jascanvey

This is such a sweet poem. There is one thing I need to ask though.... how do you manage 15 teddy bears!!  
Alina Le Ann
Junior Member
since 01-30-2000
Posts 40
INDIANA


4 posted 02-06-2000 03:35 PM       View Profile for Alina Le Ann   Email Alina Le Ann   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Alina Le Ann's Home Page   View IP for Alina Le Ann

This poem is absolutely adorable!!  

Keep writing....you're a shining star!!!
Bbuzz
Member
since 12-17-1999
Posts 76
Washinton State


5 posted 02-06-2000 03:45 PM       View Profile for Bbuzz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bbuzz

How adorable! I can picture your Dad very easily! You are great!
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 12-27-1999
Posts 3317


6 posted 02-06-2000 04:15 PM       View Profile for Meadowmuse   Email Meadowmuse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Meadowmuse's Home Page   View IP for Meadowmuse

mini poet, this is so cool...and I agree with Mike, you do have an eye (and ear) for detail. Loved how you wrote

"spilled  some  in  a  glass
and  watched  me  glug  glug  glug"

Keep writing, you're doing swell!

Claire


devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


7 posted 02-06-2000 04:26 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

Well let me welcome you to passions dear...you've made quite the entrance!!!

 Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


8 posted 02-06-2000 04:27 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

This mini poet does not have mini talent.
You write a wonderful verse, young poet, and tell a great story with it.
This is adorable!
Liz
Ted Reynolds
Member
since 12-15-1999
Posts 335


9 posted 02-06-2000 04:32 PM       View Profile for Ted Reynolds   Email Ted Reynolds   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ted Reynolds

This is really neat.  Don't blame me for pointing out problems -- I've just crossed over from "Critical Analysis" -- but don't you want to fill out the meter and rhyme of the end of the second stanza, and the beginning of the third?  This is so near to perfect . . . go for perfect!!!
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


10 posted 02-06-2000 04:45 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Mini Poet-
Very nice entrance into the Passion's forum.
Dad's are like that ... yup !
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Gene
Senior Member
since 01-23-2000
Posts 940
Colorado, USA


11 posted 02-06-2000 05:07 PM       View Profile for Gene   Email Gene   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Gene's Home Page   View IP for Gene

This is delightful and cute. Great first post. Welcome to the forums, Mini.  

~Gene
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


12 posted 02-06-2000 05:24 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Delightful poem, mini poet! You certainly have inherited your Dad's talent! Please check your email for a special welcome!  

Denise

[This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 02-06-2000).]
catwomen
Junior Member
since 02-05-2000
Posts 49


13 posted 02-06-2000 06:06 PM       View Profile for catwomen   Email catwomen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for catwomen

You are talented. Adorable poem. look forward to more

 
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


14 posted 02-06-2000 06:40 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Delightful poem! Welcome!
Munda
Member Elite
since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


15 posted 02-06-2000 09:47 PM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

I really love this poem.   Could see your Dad sitting in the kitchen, staring at the wall  
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


16 posted 02-06-2000 11:47 PM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

thankyou everyone ... you tucked  a little girl to bed tonight with a hug that means more than I can describe
She wanted to say something back to you all
but nothing she thought of was good enough
She really likes Marges poems ... she says they are good and they look pretty too

Rex
bobbycat
Member
since 02-06-2000
Posts 235
USA


17 posted 02-07-2000 12:16 AM       View Profile for bobbycat   Email bobbycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bobbycat

Very sweet!  I liked it--had to smile at the ending!     

Bobbycat
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


18 posted 02-07-2000 12:29 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Mini Poet Maxi Talent...cute..very cute.. I look forward to reading more from you...
Echo Rhayne
Senior Member
since 09-17-99
Posts 1538
Canyon Country, CA


19 posted 02-07-2000 02:22 PM       View Profile for Echo Rhayne   Email Echo Rhayne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Echo Rhayne

*clapping*  This was great.  You have quite the talent my dear!  You tell the story so well that you can actually visiualize what you are talking about!  Great job!  Keep em comin

 Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin*

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


20 posted 02-07-2000 03:05 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

This is wonderful.  We need more, soon!

 Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


HelmutB
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 989
Canada


21 posted 02-07-2000 07:50 PM       View Profile for HelmutB   Email HelmutB   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit HelmutB's Home Page   View IP for HelmutB

Big with words and rhyme you are
A mini poet not by far
Your poem so cute, so true it's there
Just as true as your fifteen bear
I smiled, remembered when my kids were young
You are special dear so write another one
I can see your daddies face
I bet he looked lovely with such grace  
Your doing well, yes by far
A GREAT mini poet is what you are


 The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

 
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