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Open Poetry #5
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tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia

0 posted 2000-02-06 12:24 PM




I'm sorry i've been so selfish lately and haven't given you my time

You've shown me your loving attention when you really needed mine

So here I am to say how sorry I really am
And to give you my support in any way I can

So can I be forgiven for being so self absorbed
And to you my selfless one, it's you that I applaud

© Copyright 2000 Tracie Maree Collis - All Rights Reserved
Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
1 posted 2000-02-06 07:53 AM


thankyou tracie for sharing this
thats the nicest way you could say to people
' I care '

Rex}<{{{{o>

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
2 posted 2000-02-06 08:08 AM


okie,i am new to poetry so what i am writing here is just my own personal feelings....hope you don't mind

i feel your poem is rather more like prose in some parts,maybe it will be better if you go like this:

you gave me your attention,
when you really needed mine...

your poem is kind of vague too---more details of how this person cared for you will be better,eg

He sent me flowers
when i was sick
to give solace
to my wounded soul....

i agree with Rex---this poem is the nicest way to show someone you do care....

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
3 posted 2000-02-06 08:41 AM


Rex thanks for your sweet reply     kaile welcome to passions thanks for your reply and I will keep it in mind all comments are well worth reading...Tracie  
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
4 posted 2000-02-06 09:02 AM


How's that old saying go...Love is never having to say you're sorry  
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

5 posted 2000-02-06 04:07 PM


Heartfelt words that I'm sure will hit their mark!

Denise

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
6 posted 2000-02-07 04:33 AM


Thanks Ruth and Denise for your kind reply's..Tracie
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